Introverts and guys, am I crazy or am I alone in this relationship?

I understand that introverts (extreme) enjoy being alone and having that solidarity... However, when in a relationship, it is it normal to only talk to a person twice a week and see them maybe once or twice every two weeks? I don't know if I am just extremely needy as far as wanting to communicate with my boyfriend of six months or if he just really is zoning out and not realizing he doesn't talk to me often. I feel increasingly disconnected.

For someone who has ADHD and is an introvert, is it normal for them to be disconnected in a relationship?

I feel like he has total control over when we do or do not talk. If I text him, I don't look for a reply because nine times out of ten I don't get one. If I call, I don't expect a call back or even an answer because, again, nine times out of ten I don't get one.

Yet I am happy with him... I just feel disconnected.

Is this normal? Advice? Someone help me, lol, I am driving myself up a wall in thoughts.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i dont have ADHD but i am extreme introvert. what your saying doesn't sound right. yes introverts get frustrated by other people, specially those who are always around them. they need space maybe once a week or twice at most. not the other way around... we just need one day out of the week with no one around to sit down and think where we are going.
    you feel disconnected because you are disconnected... you have to find out why he is behaving like that. if you ask me id say he is just leading you on... but what do i know...

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What Guys Said 4

  • How can you feel disconnected and yet happy? I don't understand.

    I am an introvert but I don't have ADHD and as much as I like my alone time, I also enjoy social interaction and I always reply to text messages and answer phone calls if I know the number. I would enjoy spending plenty of time with my woman. She'd just have accept that social interaction takes a lot out of me and I need time to recharge the batteries, gather and contemplate my thoughts and then I'm ready to socialise again.

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    • Disconnected when apart but happy when we are together or after conversation... just to feel disconnected again. I don't know, he just seems to not respond and I am not sure if it is just he forgets or is mentally occupied elsewhere...

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    • No, I need to have that conversation. It is just difficult because I am generally a non-confrontational person and allow thoughts or feelings to fester until I cannot take no more.

    • That's not a good thing to do, you need to get to the bottom of this because it's unfair on you.

  • This is really similar to my relationship with my girfriend. She doesn't have any kind of condition that I am aware of however she as well rarely replies to my text or answer my phone call. She also is like you boyfriend likes to be alone and we talk or see each other only a few times a week. I have asked my girlfriend before about this and she says she always reads my texts but either is too busy to reply or because she is one of those rare type of girls who doesn't like texting or calling on the phone. But when we are together in person everything is good and perfect. So you might have the same situation. Some people are like this and I have tried but it is very difficult to change them but with enough time and love anything is possible. However more detail would be helpful. What is he like in person? Are you willing to be with someone like this? Are you willing to take the time to change him even though you know it might be possible he never changes?

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    • I don't want to change him. I love everything about him except this disconnect I am feeling in the relationship. I want to give him my heart but I need to trust that he is actually present with me in the relationship. I think this is a conversation I will take up with him soon... Together he is a great guy... different from others I have dated. He has a very tough exterior but I have seen his heart and that is the most precious thing about him... my favorite thing about him.

      I am more of a compassionate person who will say things in a caring nature to where he is more sarcastic and blunt... I think we definitely are good for each other and encourage one another to be our best...

    • Good, I am glad to hear it. Like I said this is very normal in some people so try not to take any kind of offense to when he doesn't reply. It took me awhile to get use to it and I am sure you will as well.

  • I swear no one actually knows what an introvert is.

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    • You are right, I for one have no idea what the mind of an introvert is like and I wish someone would enlighten me. More specifically, I wish my boyfriend would enlighten me but it is just an "off" conversation to have randomly seeing how we barely talk to begin with.

    • introverts are people who get frustrated by being social all the time... they recharge by resting in a quiet place and listening to music and thinking. basically they need to focus on their inward turning, or focused more on internal thoughts, feelings and moods rather than seeking out external stimulation.

  • I'm an introvert and find his lack of contact with you excessive.

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What Girls Said 3

  • This one sided crap is for the birds. No way can you continue to sustain this. I am fine with someone not being in constant contact but I at least expect them to initiate and/or return texts and calls.

    You need to talk to him, let him know you are not happy with this low level of contact after 6 months. It sounds like he is using his introverted personality as an excuse to put forth no effort into this. Either that or you may be looking at it as an excuse for poor relationship behavior. Either way, it doesn't fly.

    Talk to him, expect changes, or tell him you are out. There are other guys dying to give you the time and attention you deserve.

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  • I was in this exact same situation with my ex. I for one am a moderate extrovert while he was an extreme introvert. I hated how he never wanted to go anywhere with me or do anything fun like go to the pub! After awhile, I realized that other guys thought I was single because he was never around, and that they were into me. I went 2 weeks without talking to him first- we had the same communication, he always had control over when we talked- and he finally started talking to me again, after 2 whole weeks! I was fed up and broke up with him that day (after 2 years!) I realized that I did not mesh well with his personality.

    Give it time. If you really love him it can work- but you have to be understanding of how he is. Try talking to him about how much it affects you, say you wish you could see him more and see how he reacts. If this bugs you as much as it bothered me, it might not work out - but you'll always find a new man!

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  • I have ADHD and I'm very introverted but I do still enjoy spending a lot of time with my boyfriend. Introverts get energized by being alone and being around people draws on that energy whereas extroverts have the reverse effect. But that doesn't mean that introverts can't enjoy and want to spend time with people. I love the solitude and I don't like being around a lot of people too much but I enjoy spending one on one time with my boyfriend about as much as being alone. Being with him isn't taxing like being around other people for some reason.

    Your boyfriends need for solitude seems a bit excessive. It might be normal for him, but is it working for you in the relationship? That's what's really important. If you feel like you need more attention and quality time with him then you should talk to him about it. He should at least call you back when you call him, it's pretty disrespectful to just ignore the call.

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