When should sex come in a relationship?

I've always been told you should have sex when you're ready and when it's with the one you love. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a month and a half, and he already wants to get physical. The other night he put my hand on his genitals, because he said he wanted to prepare me for what's to come and he wanted to ease me into it. I was a bit uncomfortable at the action but I let him know. He said he'll give me a few more weeks. No that's still way too soon for me even! I told him to take it my pace and he said he would be happy doing so. I don't want to be pressure and pushed into what I don't want to do but I feel like he's not getting it. He tells me I'm unaffectionate when I refuse to touch him the way he wants. We kiss, cuddle, give back massages... little things. But he keeps telling me about his dreams he has of me and how fun it could be. We already tell each other we love eachother but I don't want that to be the word for, take me my body is ready. How do I reciprocate to this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My own experience, and several times with virgins, was that we never got any further than we were at 6 weeks in. If you're not ready after a couple months, its not 'too soon' in the relationship, you're just -not ready- at that stage in your life.

    That's my experience any way.

    How old are you?

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    • I'm 19 and he's 22.

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    • That is exactly what he told me, he asked me if I ever fantasized about him at all and I said no, he said he was scared because I had said that because it was abnormal to him. I feel like a little over a month is too soon for me.

    • Yeah, if I were him I'd be terrified at this point.

      IMHO, nothing is going to magically change in the next few months. You're only going to feel more sexual if you spend your time when NOT with him thinking about sex, thinking about his penis, and getting excited about the idea. I've known a few women here on GaG who'd never really thought about being sexual with a partner, and who within a few weeks were pretty excited about the idea - and that's NOT because they got closer or trusted the guy more, it's because they thought about it a LOT.

      But I think they sort of had reasonably high sex drives already, just not focused on a partner.

      Sex and sexual activity aren't just some crowning exhibit of true love when you've been together a long time. There's supposed to be mutual lust. If there isn't, something is seriously missing.

What Guys Said 4

  • This is a great question that has no proper answer other than simply when you both are ready. For some couples, it is first date, for others it can be 10 years later. The thing is "sex" is just a general term. What are we talking about when that word is used? Is it full penetrative intercourse, or just oral, or just hand job and fingering? This is why being open and honest in a relationship is so important. Good communication has to be there! Letting each partner know what they want to do and when, or not, is part of a successful process. If you are uncomfortable with intercourse, then you need to tell him, but if you are open to oral or hand stimulation then you need to tell him too. "I don't want intercourse because I am not ready, but I would like you to finger me, is that ok?". It can be as simple as that. Now the guy knows how far you are willing to go, what you want and don't want and also knows that someday intercourse is possible all in one simple sentence. Nothing wrong with working up to full sex, (intercourse), in increments. Start with hand-jobs/fingering, then when ready you can progress to oral and finally to intercourse when the time is right.

    When I started seeing my wife, I was 23 and she was 17. She was a complete and total virgin and I was her first real boyfriend. She was very limited in her experience. I never really touched her sexually until she was 18 about 2 months later. Our progression was slow, but that is the pace she was comfortable with. We talked about it. She also was not interested in sex. I was fine with that, but I wanted at least oral with her. It took some time, but I was respectable and patient with her. Once we got use to each other that was fine. That was about 5 months in. We had this routine and didn't have sex until our 2 year anniversary. That was the natural progression that worked for us.

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  • As soon as you're both ready for it. It could be as fast as 1 day as long as 2 months.

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  • When the time is right. Wow I'm so creative

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  • It really is when you're ready. I'm ready pretty much straight away, I've waited 2 dates to 6 months before getting the keys. Sex is better if she wants to do it! lol

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    • thanks for gracious dv! lol

What Girls Said 2

  • I made my first boyfriend wait for almost a month after we were dating. I was 21 at the time and he was 25 and way more experience. He respected me so much that he was very romantic and lit a candle. Of course he knew ahead of time that the night we were first together that that was going to be my first time so he made sure it was extra special :)

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  • He'll give you a few more weeks, what is this, a business deal? Anyway, you should wait until you are ready. After all, him having to wait a while is much easier than it would be for you to do something you don't feel comfortable with. There is no need to rush into it, there is plenty of time.

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