My fiancé stays up all night and day playing video games?

He will play from 22:00 at night to 7 am the following morning. He does work hard, 12 hours shifts spread across a 4 day pattern these vary from night to day shifts so when he has time off he spends it playing video games online. I don't mind it in moderation, occasionally we okay together and sometimes I will even go into another room to watch TV while he plays but even when I ask him to come off he complains that he works so he should be able to do what he likes. I work too and study so I don't know what he's issue is. He hasn't come to bed in weeks because of this. Someone dear to me died and I have had problems sleeping at night I asked him to come to bed with me because I'm upset and he said "he isn't tired" I said he can watch the TV and he said that he wants to play his game. Sometimes he says I should stay in the room with him while he plays if I don't want to be alone and I end up sitting up until 3-4 in the morning. I have been having nightmares and can't sleep and he still doesn't get it. I just asked him to come to bed and he said I should stay up with him, I explained that I'm tired and can't sleep and he said he will come to bed in a minute after he's finished the game.

What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him how you feel and make plans with him to do stuff overnight together and im deeply sorry for your loss and how you are okay

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    • He knows what I'm going through. I wake constantly at night and struggle to fall asleep if I'm alone as of lately. Im just lonely and exhausted I find myself calling asleep during the day and not being able to get things done. Thanks for acknowledging my loss

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    • Thanks babe

    • Your welcome

What Guys Said 14

  • While I enjoy gaming like any other person, if my lady needs me then she becomes my priority, a game is after all not reality, as much as some of us we it wish it isn't. And you have responsibilities some which is being there when your partner needs you to be, your fiancé should understand this, I also get were he is coming from to, working is hard and stressful you need a release, but your girlfriend, wife etc should be pretty high on your priority list as well. Maybe you could make a deal with him or something I don't know lol.

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    • I work full time and study at uni for my masters full time, I take care of the house and him, be works and plays video games so where is the equilibrium? I mean, the games didn't bother me it's when I'm in need where is the support? I wouldn't complain usually but after what happened the past couple of days I just can't cope by myself. That's what partners are there for. He does long shifts and I try to take the burden of everything off of him, I'm going through some shit and he isn't there. How's that fair?

    • As I said he should make time for you and you should make that known to him.

  • Oh lord I was once like that, probably way worse than he was. My life was gaming, I was definitely addicted. Didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't do chores, etc. ALL of my free time was playing games. Just half a year ago I broke that addiction. It took me years though, years. It came down to one question. Do I want to throw my life away to play video games or do I actually want a real life, it's either one or the other. There is no choosing both. I chose the latter. I put away all the addicting games (mobas/mmorpgs in particular), those fuckin games are too addicting. I chose other goals and hobbies in life.

    First of all does he realize he's addicted?

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    • No but I don't think it's that bad with him tbf but it is a problem

  • Well as long as he sleeps properly, I don't see the problem. Although considering he has night shifts, no wonder his circadian rhythm is completely confused.

    It's not HIS fault that YOU can't sleep, though. I think you'd still be having nightmares if he was there. I'm more concerned for his physical health in this situation.

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    • Yh I don't agree with this at all. If he lost someone and he was sad I would support him. Prior like I stated above I never had an issue with the gaming like I said we play together etc. Things in the house won't get done if I'm not around, he won't etc because he's playing the game. What is ok about that? If that's how you love your life then I feel sorry for any future partner that you may have or whom may tolerate you for a short period of time

  • About a 2 months ago my wife brought up some similar issues with me. I would spend a lot of my time on the computer, working, and on my phone reading. I was taken off guard by her concerns. After we talked for a while, I discovered that she didn't need me take hours away from work and the phone to be with her, that she really just needed 10-15 minutes of my undivided attention, no electronic distractions. Perhaps you are looking for something simple that he can do but you just need to make it very clear what that is so he knows what you expect and how he can meet your needs.

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    • He knows exactly what is going on and he knows about my nightmares and that I'm upset from my recent loss, when the night I found this particular person dead he left me to go to bed alone n he played video games. I got no sleep at all

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    • While you are going through this emotionally hard time do you have family members that you can lean on? I hope that your fiancee is just going through a phase and this won't be an issue in the future.

    • I think this is just him, he a selfishness to him that becomes apparent more and more to me everyday. I think I will call of the engagement because this isn't someone I want to spend my life with

  • I won't say that he IS a jerk, but he's acting like one.
    You should tell him that you're going through a hard time and you feel like his games are more important to him that you. Make sure you tell him that you don't mind him playing games for a while, but you really want to spend time with him.
    Good luck.

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    • We had this conversation and he knows about my nightmares but nothing has changed. I stayed up playing video games with him until 6am this morning because I couldn't sleep alone and was upset about my loss but he still didn't care enough to come to bed with me.

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    • Awesome, don't wash his dishes, pick his clothes outta the laundry, unplug his HDMI cord when he goes to the bathroom...

    • Hahaha that actually made me laugh the hdmi lead bit. No he can fend for himself just like I have been doing

  • let him play if that's what he enjoys more

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  • You do realize he's a grown man right? He will go to bed when he wants, and if he wants to play his games, then let him be. I understand you're going through some rough shit, but don't try and make him seem like the bad guy.

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    • You're just a dickhead

    • Ah, name calling. I assume this wasn't the answer you wanted? You know why? Because we both know it's the truth. You just want attention, and you didn't want to admit it, so you threw in the vague detail of "someone dear to me dying" to justify your neediness. L

    • Lol if you say so

  • He has an addiction. And every addiction compromises your family as much as yourself. Gaming is okay but not constantly and neglecting your family. I say give him am ultimatum, forever games or you. See if he responds positively, if not, let him go

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  • I know a girl who was with a guy like that; she left him and never looked back.

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    • It's not the fact he plays, I have no issue with that it's the fact that when I need him he still plays the game

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    • Yeah, that's a way to put it. Playing video games all the time means he's a gameaholic like an alcoholic gambling addict, drug addict, ... I swear, some of these video games causes "loser cancer" in some guys.

    • It's just pathetic to play so much and so often

  • Get a new boyfriend if my girlfriend was experiencing what you are i would turn the superbowl game off half way through no game or video game is ever as important as my partner. Hope you can work it out with him. Also sorry for your loss.

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    • Thank you for not being small minded like some of the guys commenting and what asshats

  • Sleep in the room he is playing video games in?

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    • I did that last night and the clicking of the bottoms and him talking on the headset kept waking me up. Also there isn't enough space for a sleeping person to sleep comfortably

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    • What the fuck? You have insomnia, go a see a doctor about it. -_-

      'Insomnia is difficulty getting to sleep...'

    • It's only since the other day and I can fall asleep if someone is there with me. I'm not visiting the doctor for something like this

  • tell him he's not contributing to the relationship and he needs to.

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    • He does in other ways but I can't sleep alone lately and just needed someone there while I fall asleep. It's 4am where I am and I asked him to come to bed at 23:00 he is still playing his game. I went to get him a few moments ago and he was surprised I was still awake and I said I told you I can't sleep so he suggested I come and sit with him while he plays video games

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    • Say he works a night shift 7pm to 7am he will stay awake until 6 am and sleep until 2-3 in the afternoon.

    • Well how else does he contribute to the relationship?

  • I'm certain he was a gamer when you met him. I don't see why you're tripping now. You either take him as he is or you should of never got with him.

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    • We met when we were 18, we were both gamers but some of is grow up and it isn't the fact of gaming it's me needing him the last couple of nights for reasons stated above. So chill the fuck out

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    • You mean that during those 9 straight hours of pointless gaming, he can't even take an hour or two off to ensure that she doesn't feel neglected when she's going through a hard time? I don't think that's excessive controlling. That's called "taking care of the one you love". Gaming for 9 hours straight isn't exactly healthy either, so taking a break in between sessions would only be good. The reason why relationships end is often because of neglect. He's neglecting her when she needs him the most.

    • You seem like a selfish man, thing is he works- fair enough but so do I. I work full time and I study for my masters which isn't easy, not only that but I take care of the house. He just works! So for me to need him after what I have been through the last couple of days how does that make me selfish?

  • Dump his bitchass, he's still a little child and hasn't grown up yet. Do you want a little child as a husband? You need to find yourself a responsible and caring man

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    • I know. I'm beginning to see this now

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    • good luck! not that you need the luck

    • Thank you

What Girls Said 5

  • He sounds addicted to it. It's one thing to play every now and then because he feels like it. It's another thing to play it all the time, to the point where it interferes with other, more important things/people (such as you). This is a real problem. He's neglecting you, and it's wrong. He'd rather play some random ass game than make sure that you're ok and happy? Sorry, but he's a real douchebag. You need to have a serious talk with him about this. It's hurting your relationship, and he doesn't even realize it. If he's not willing to change his gaming habits, you should seriously consider breaking it off with him. You can't live with a person like that, who only prioritizes his games.

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  • Talk to him about how ur feeling and the fact that he is being selfish.

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    • I have, I said what is more important and he said it isn't about what's more important and that he will be to bed In a few mins just let him finish his game, that was 30 mins ago

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    • Thanks I appreciate your responses. Happy new year babe

    • Happy new years love

  • Maybe he's just a true gamer
    But to be honest if he's ilder than25
    He is not acting his age

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    • He's 27, I don't mind him playing video games, it's just for that long? That's ridiculous and selfish.

  • Maybe you should learn not to just rely on a guy. If you weren't dating him you'd be dealing with it by yourself. I've been through death many times and I've thought that people should drop everything in their lives to support me.

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    • Oops I meant I've never thought people should drop everything in their lives to support me.

    • Neither do I but part of a relationship is being able to depend on the other person. I'm not needy, I'm highly independent and lately I have needed some support, that to me is normal. The person you hope to marry is supposed to take some of the weight off.

  • If my fiance told me he was having nightmares I would laugh at him and give him the ring back.

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    • Well let's just home you don't find a loved on lying dead outside your bedroom door at 1:30 in the morning and see no well you cope with sleeping

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    • And why would you do that? do you have mental problems?

    • I don't know if your response focused onto me of this person?

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