I'm told women assume I'm a player, because I dress nice, am charming and apparently good looking (I don't get it). What can I do?

What can I do? I find women are so cold and standoffish. I'm actually a nice guy but I always get the cold shoulder. I'm not a player (such a sick joke), and Im getting so lonely. They check me out, but they seem afraid to get to know me or give me a chance. I'm ready to give up. Why don't women want to meet a charming guy who approaches them?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just like men can be intimidated by a beautiful woman, women can be just as intimidated by a man. Most women do not approach men. A lot of women are afraid of rejection or just do not have the confidence in themselves to approach men. I was single for six years and finally this summer, I met a wonderful man. I was friend with him for two months. At first, I had no other interest in him besides friendship, but after getting to know him, found that he had every quality I could ever want in a man. I started flirting with him pretty heavily, but he did not think I would be interested in him in that way, being that he was old enough to be my father. I cold not pass up the chance of seeing if there was something there, so I made the first move and do not regret it at all! So, I guess I am just saying, do not give up! I have been there. That is a long time to be single, but you will find someone! Probably when and where you least expect it!

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What Girls Said 8

  • You're being stereotyped.

    You can't control peoples assumptions of you when they first meet you.
    But whst you can control, is continuing to go against the stereotype that people have for you.

    If I were you I'd find any others to meet women.
    Create a dating profile.
    Or perhaps try to approach them in a different setting.
    Don't give up !
    If you do, you'll never find someone.
    It's very rare that a woman in this day and age, approaches a man to let him know that she likes him.

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    • It's been 5 years since I've been with someone. I have a small group of friends, I don't meet people working, and online dating is a joke for men. I have tried every setting and thing I can think of. Your right about women not approaching guys, it almost never happens. The only women who show attraction and interest are already in relationships. I'm told this is just a ego boost for them. They walk away feeling great and I'm left singing the blues. I don't know. People say love will find you but that isn't true. For me anyway.

  • Maybe you're not a player, but charming guys get attention from woman. Maybe these girls are afraid of temptation, and competition.

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    • Not sure what you mean

  • You sound like someone I used to know, just wait for someone who really knows you and trusts you. Don't let a girl treat you badly when you've given her no reason to do so. If a girl is bent over the possibility of other women she's insecure, let her go.

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    • And after 5 (it's been) years of wating?

    • The person you reminded me of was an ex, pretty sure he hadn't had a decent relationship in longer than that. Regardless, the longer you wait the better you'll feel when you get what is good. I'm not saying reinvent your image, just be confident in yourself and strive towards being passionate about other things.
      Perhaps you'll need to try harder to prove to women you are not what they think you are.

  • How do you know its you thats the issue, it may just be you are approaching the wrong type of girls?

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    • I approach all different kinds of women.

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    • Haha well your doing it now with me! Lol its as simple as that. The more friends you gain, the wider your circle will become, opening the door of opportunity to find a potential gf.

    • Ok thanks. :)

  • Are you confident?

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    • Yup 😊

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    • Can you post a picture?

    • I find people in meet up groups in my area tend to be in their late 40's and up.
      I'll pm a pic if you like.

  • You got to have a type or a standard.

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    • I do. But after 5 years alone I'll give anyone a try now.

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    • Maybe you need a nice homely country bred gal. Big heart, smiles a lot. School teacher maybe?

    • Yes I guess I'm desperate. Anyone in my position would be the same. I wish I didn't want companionship but as a social creature I do.
      Wow. Now I'm just really depressed.

  • That's sad :(

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  • Because you seem like a dream. That's very intimidating for us women. And a tad bit alarming

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    • Lol like a dream. I'll be sure to pinch girls before I talk to them. Prove I'm not some dream.
      Speaking of dreams, great pic, you look great with the over the shoulder-tossed hair look.

    • Pinch them? Now that's really funny.
      Thank you :)

What Guys Said 4

  • Maybe you have to change your approach. Women turn you down because you most likely look cocky to them, and girls don't like this in excess. I don't know if this is the problem, it's just a guess, which is the only thing I can do right now.

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    • I've been told my approach is fine.
      i don't get it.

    • Then I can't help you. Sorry :(
      I don't get it either.

  • Its funny how girls all try and look like barbies. They fail to realize they are putting off men by intimidating them with their obsession with "perfection" You are probably doing the same thing, you wearing $300 dollar jeans? How about that v neck or button down dress shirt, or other things to make you look successful?

    Now wait the insanity of it is when you remove those items, you will not look as successful and girls can then scoff at that.

    The modern urban female is going to need to change its habits

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  • Because through experience, gals have learned guys like you are few and far between. They think that "he's got something to hide."

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  • Paranoia set the precedent. Oh well.

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