This guy and I had a complicated situation. I assumed we were dating when we weren't, we hooked up then he said we were dating and I didn't know. We stopped talking and started to see other people. Well, we are both single now and this time I want to make it work with him. He came over to pick his things up on Christmas day. We chatted for a bit which during that I said I wasn't going to date for awhile. When he got home we started texting. He mentioned how I said I didn't want to date for awhile but never said friends with benefits for the time being. I told him that if he wanted to be more than friends I wouldn't rule it out. He the. Replied he just wanted to be friends doe the time being. A few days ago he said he was excited for me to come back, I asked why? He said let a little common sense seep in. I responded that I would rather him tell me because every time I think I know the answer with him I dont, then how he was excited because we're going to fuck? He said that he said "I can't wait" just to say it because he is excited for anything we do. Yesterday I asked him if we could go shootin when I get back and he said yes! So what do you make of this situation? While we had our complicated mess every time I thought I knew something was going on, I was completely wrong. Meaning, everything with him is backwards, I'm at the point where I can't tell if he is just wanting sex or if he wants to be fwbs until I can get myself back to where I was since my ex was emotionally abusing me and knocked me down. What do you think?
He said friends with benefits before but I don't know if he wants that still or something more?
What Guys Said 1
I want you to think about something. You said that you are not sure whether this guy just wants to have sex with you, or wants to be friends with benefits which means that the reason the reason you and he are friends is so you can have sex. So either way you are having sex with him which seems to work for him, but you are not sure. You also mentioned that your previous boyfriend was emotionally abusing you and you are trying to recover from this.
It seems to me that you've got into another situation where you are not clear on what you want and need. I think this guy is just using you for sex. If you just want sex, then that's ok, but I get the impression you want more. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
If I where you, I would stop having sex with this guy until you heal yourself emotionally and your self esteem is strong enough to be able to defend your needs and most importantly, to say NO. It sounds to me like you want a relationship with this guy. It sounds like this guy just wants sex from you. As long as you continue to have sex with him unconditionally, there is no reason for him to enter into a committed relationship with you because you are giving him the sex he wants without the commitment of a relationship.
I think it's time for you to tell him what you need from him and what kind of treatment you will not accept from him. If he doesn't want to work with you to create a relationship you both want, then stop seeing him.
You need to find a guy whose going to treat you with respect, by the sounds of things, you are not having much luck with this. This will not change until you stand up for yourself and what you need.
Believe that you are a young woman who has worth and is worthy of love and respect. Once you start believing and standing up for those beliefs you will find the love and respect you want.1
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