He keeps wanting to take me out on dates. How can I shift our friendship more towards friendship?

I ran into an old college friend and we exchanged numbers.
Right away he wanted to pick me up and us go out to dinner to catch up. I just thought sure, fine lets go. He was playful about it.

But now every thing I say, he wants to do. He wants to turn it into a date. "I'll take you here, we will take a trip there, I will surprise you where we go, we we we" and it's like... Really?

When we went out we were catching up, and I said to him clear as day in my little life recap that I am not ready to date. He obviously heard me because he shifted and his face changed and he got serious.

We split the bill (even though at first he said "get whatever, it was my idea!") which I thought good, friends do that. But it never stayed on the friend page.

He's a nice guy and I'd like him as a friend, but nothing more. I don't know what to do or say because he won't get off the taking me out thing. He was also touchy feely later that evening when we went walking through town.

He was never like this with me in college. It's more the fact I sort of know him that I'm even wanting to put the effort into a friendship of sorts. Perhaps he doesn't want that and that's fine but I feel it's worth seeing if we can be friends if I can get the message across to him. Any ideas? I thought my shot was all I needed, but apparently not.

Updates:
How can I tell him, like how can I get the conversation in that direction? I'm really not sure how. Saying it isn't hard but I feel like I can't find an opening. I feel like it's going to be us not staying in touch before it gets to that point, like I feel funny just coming out of the blue saying it. But I don't want him to try further and then who knows what.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • there is no way. if you feel more for a girl than friendship, thereĀ“s no turning back. just tell him straight up that you are not interested in that way at all and that you never will be. he will have to decide to accept it or stop seeing you.

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    • I think this is the hard part, trying to figure out how and when to say it. Easy to say but the opening I can't figure out. Perhaps will go back to catch up talk and reiterate

    • well next time he tries to turn something into a date again you could tell him.

What Guys Said 6

  • Just tell him straight up he'll hate you in the short term but you'll save him a lot of heart ache in the long run by saying you just want to be friends. ITs better to nip it in the bud at the start then let it drag on and allow him to think he's got a chance for it to all come falling down (I've been in the same situation except they didn't tell me and it really hurt)

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    • How can I come out and say it? Or when? I'm having a hard time finding an opening

    • If you're not a confrontational person (which I'm getting that you aren't) just text him and say you appreciate all the effort he is going to asking you out and you're flattered but you're not ready to date yet because you're not emotionally ready or something along those lines. He would then get it crystal clear and move on. Maybe drop that text after you've been texting abit and if he asks about going on a date again then say it.

  • Doesn't work that way. If a man wants to date you, he isn't going to back down to friendship level. It's dating or moving on.

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    • He doesn't have to stay friends if that's not what he wants of course but he's got to know. I suppose the opportunity to reiterate will at some point present itself

  • You have to let him know straight up, or else he will keep thinking its ok or think your giving him signs and his feelings will get more and more indepth over time so help him out and let him know now

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    • I feel so weird to just abruptly say it, but it needs to be said. I'm trying to figure out a segway to the convo

    • It might sound crazy but you have to be direct sith it or else he won't fully get the message. Ahen a guy likes a girl he trys to take any little thing as a hint of interest from her trust me I've done it before

  • Text him this.

    You: You need me to walk you back down there or nah?
    Him: Tf, down where?
    You: Back down to the motherfucking friendzone you tried to escape from

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  • Tell him you have herpes.

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  • Sorry, I'm not understand what the diff. is between boyfriend and friend?

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