Am I being pressurised by my boyfriend or selfish in not meeting his needs?

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, in the past 6 months sex has become a constant cause for arguing. I think our sex life is quite healthy, we never go 7 days or more without being intimate. I've noticed the more I give my partner the more he wants and if a few days go by where we aren't sexual he starts hassling me, when I say no he questions me for hours even days until I pleasure him. I've tried to explain that I'm tired from work and running around after 2 kids, but he see's that as an excuse. He expects me to pleasure him without sex, because that would be the unselfish thing to do, he doesn't force me and I wouldn't be forced but I feel under massive pressure and under constant scrutiny for not meeting my partners needs. Can anyone give me any advice on this? It's making me feel like I'm crazy, especially when he says I'm using reverse Physcology, when all I'm doing is being honest.


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What Guys Said 2

  • You're both being honest. Once a week is not enough for the average guy your age, so either he's off masturbating daily and having sex with you once, or you're doing stuff together more often. I've been in this situation with my partner, and i stopped complaining because it made things worse, but honestly, it was never resolved and takes a serious toll on our relationship. I have no magic answer.

    I can explain that while i recognize she's tired and busy, that doesn't change how rejected i feel, and also... doesn't work for me. Because I can't just give up getting off because i'm busy, because i'd be going nuts and unable to focus. I'm going to be spending the time to get off one way or another, and I'd -much- rather it be together.

    Beyond that, as busy as any of us are, when you're saying you can't get someone off a couple times a week, you're saying 'i do not have 45 minutes in the week, spread over a couple days, for the thing that means the most to you'. That doesn't feel good.

    So yes, he's being whiny about it, but there's really absolutely no way to meet like 1/4 of his biggest need and have him be happy about the relationship.

    The standard advice in this situation is to make sure he's meeting your needs (not necessarily sexual) and you're supposed to magically want to please him more. If there are things he could be doing that would make you feel warmer and more attached and more wanting to find the time to please him, go for it.

    If spending more time on your own during the week would leave you mentally wanting him more, make that a priority.

    If anything else helps, please pass the idea along to me.

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  • He shouldn't be interrogating you. It's pointless. That said, you're going to find it difficult to find a man who would be happy with having sex just once a week or so.

    One thing's certain: you two should break up.

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    • We don't just have sex once a week, what I meant was it is the longest we have been with out it. The problem is he asks me continuously, and doesn't understand that sometimes, I just need some "me" time. I understand what you guys are saying though, maybes I should try and think if him a little more and I don't want to give up on our relationship, breaking up is the easy option. Working through our problems will strengthen our relationship. The lessons of love, thanks guys your advice really helped :)

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