Why do people think the "friend-zone" is a real thing?

As i said in the question, why do you think it's a real thing? it's not... it's a thing created by pop-culture but if someone only thinks of you as a friend there is NOTHING you or anyone can do about it, it is what it is, if someone like you they will definitely let you know about it because eventually they will initiate something just like you are doing now because you like them so... i don't get how anyone can believe this... it's confusing everything. Worst part is it makes people act really aggresively and horrible to you when they can't get their own way and "fix" the so called "problem", you can't... you really just can't... they just... don't... like you lol.

Updates:
So... what exactly is so wrong about being friends with the opposte sex? why all of a sudden is it so so bad to be friends with them? i do not see a problem with it but it seems even when there are over 7 billion people in the world now you suddenly start to think there is no possible way you can actually be friends with the opposite sex without falling for them... this is ridiculous...
Ok from what i've gathered the only reason you think it's so terrible is because of pride... you are disappointed you can't be with the one you like but most of the time the attraction isn't really that strong you but not enough to actually infear with actually just beng friends with them, yes sometimes it's impossible because you are THAT infactuated with them, but to let your pride get so burnt so quickly to the point you would miss the chance of making a friend when you can do... that's mean.

0|0
8|15

Most Helpful Girl

  • There's absolutely no such thing as a friend zone. If someone liked ya, they would be with you and certainly wouldn't use you being there as a friend to NOT be with you. It goes against all logic and makes no sense. If she/she wanted you in that way, they'd make you their bf or gf.

    2|1
    0|0
    • Yeh i agree i think it's so stupid, it makes completely no sense whatsoever, i feel it's jsut peoples complete lack of respect for other peoples feelings these days and the way this generation has been brought up with getting everything they want... every guy who have said this to me that i "friend-zoned" them acted like a complete brat and flew off into a fit of rage when 99% of the time when you like someone all it is really is a tiny crush that doesn't effect you from thinking straight whatsoever... it's rare for any human to be so infactuated as soon as they meet someone, i've only been this way once with someone I'm starting to just feel that they are only acting really angry to try and guilt us into feeling so bad for them that we date them out of pity... yeh... i thnk so... how stupid...

    • Exactly! And I bet you many of the guys who complain about the friend zone have rejected girls in their life too... or would reject girls whom they feel no attraction to as well. It goes both ways. Rejection is part of life. It's not some extraordinary thing that only happens to *some* chosen ones.. aka the friend zone gang. Nah... it has happened to me many times too but I don't blame it on the friend zone. I blame it on the fact that this person simply doesn't see me the way I see them and that's OK too :))

    • Exactly then they make us feel that we aren't aloud to reject them but they are aloud to reject us, i noticed that it was 12 guys who answered this and less girls too, i mean i always heared that males were always soft insecurities babies inside really under that masculine fascade lol but never to this extent... it's really very unbearable. I completely realize with having a bigger ego they deal with rejection not as good as us females but the fact they try to guilt us afterwards isn't on... this whole "friend-zone" thing has only appealed to the males need to "fix" things so they try to "fix" something they cannot then get mad they can't then treat it like it was our fault... lol, we didn't tell them to keep trying lol.

What Guys Said 15

  • I already lost my chance at MHO, lol.

    The term "friend zone" appears in PUA (pickup artist) books everywhere. As does the term "alpha male" applied to humans.

    I'll try to paraphrase what these books say about it:

    "When meeting a woman for the first time, your potential as a sex partner is judged within moments. In this time, you must establish yourself as an alpha male in order to be categorized as a potential sex partner. A 'sex zone' so to speak.

    If you do not establish this dominance immediately, you will instead be categorized into her friend zone. From here, she will only be capable of seeing you as a friend or 'like a brother', and will be incapable of seeing you in a sexual light without significant work on your part.

    Not only that, but if she knows you are attracted to her, she will likely exploit this attraction to get gifts, money, or services from you. By remaining friends with a girl after trying to attract her, you position yourself as a nice guy, the most vagina-drying thing a man can be.

    The rule is clear, you must dodge the dreaded friend zone and enter the sex zone immediately, and if not, you must leave before you become too socially submissive."

    I know this because I used to read those books after high school, because I thought I had some horrible attraction problem with women in High School. (Only to find out, later, several girls did have a crush on me and I just assumed it was a joke.) Things like "Doc Love's The Game" and stuff by David DiAngelo.

    Dating books for men is a huge, money-loaded industry. A good portion of the readers are guys like I was, interested only in being more comfortable around women and my own sexuality. It played things as though sex is the primary purpose of a man's life. The narratives these books threw at me made me furious at women. I would say that for a while I was undoubtedly misogynistic. Then I discovered women weren't the problem, these books were. This "alpha male" narrative.

    0|0
    0|0
    • "The System" not "The Game"

    • Show All
    • Yeh i have a habit of using lol a lot :P i'm just pretty cooky like that, i think i do it just so people know i'm not judging, not threatening and certainly not making stuff up and because i'm a nervous talker lol so i get pretty nervous of peoples reactions but it seems to work most of the time to keep people from shooting off in the wrong direction but i laugh because of nerves too, even real like i kind of like smile then laugh nervously, i've always done it because i don't like trouble from others. Yeh... i've seen it all when living in Scotland, it's the worst up there with social pressure, you really won't find 1 person up there much who doesn't act stupid like that, Edinburgh is the best town but even guys from higher up in the highlands they are the same, i'm related to clans up in Scotland but i don't like my hertiage much. I've never had 1 person say yes when i asked them out so it sucks lol most of them just looked embarassed i asked a girl out haha so i just don't bother.

    • I mean they look embarassed they were asked out by a girl lol

  • Because it is a thing. When someone doesn't corresponds your love or attraction for them, well, it's a bit depressing and you will eventually forget about that person BUT, when after being rejected you have to:
    1. Listen her talking about other random guys she likes.
    2. See her flirting with other guys.
    3. Talking how her boyfriend treats her like shit -or, he is just selfish, in the best case- when at the same time she tells you how amazing you are for picking up her from a random place because her car stopped working and her boyfriend was busy doing a non-important thing.
    4. Sometimes even complaining how he doesn't satisfy her properly in the bed.
    5. Seeing how her suddenly finds you attractive when she discovers you are now dating someone else and you can't be her castrated white knight who protects her and helps her every time she has an issue HER boyfriend could easily help with.

    Before being emotionally secure and give my own place to myself, I experienced it, but that was the first and last time I did, however I know many guys who have been also friendzoned and even one or two who are currently in it.

    0|1
    0|0
    • I seriously must be an alien to the rest of the human race then because i would NEVER do that to you if you had a crush on me, it shows you how uncompassionate people are these days and how they never think about anyone else's feelings but there own, since other people tend to try and spitefully ruin other people friendships too i wouldn't even tell you who i like because you might tell your friends then your friends will tell others and then it would be a disaster because of all the other jealous girls out there who would fanny block me on purpose just to upset me ^_^ lol. I would say nothing even about m relationships to anyone including nothing about my sex life, i think the other problem is people have these days to create these issues is they can't keep themselves to themselves... they think everyone always has to know their buisness...

  • Well as u stated, it is what it is. Regardless of who likes who romantically, there is nothing u could do about it. But that is a friendZone

    I put girls in friendzones or I put my self in friendzones because I value their company and enjoy talking to them/hanging out with them. But no interest being intimate with them.

    There are certain things I can't talk about with guys, that I can open up to a girl. Which is why I have them. I can enjoy certain things with them that I can't with my guys. But again, no romantic interest with them. So they're in friendzones or I am

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree the friendzone is nonsense; it's simply rejection. But if you reject a male friend, who genuinely became attracted to you, & he chooses to cut contact for his own benefit, that is his right. Honestly, who really wants to stay friends with someone who, in few words or less, told them they're not good enough. To say otherwise is to imply you're somehow entitled to the male friend after you reject (hurt) him. That's simply adding insult to injury.

    1|2
    0|0
    • Yeh i don't stop people guys from not wanting to be my friend but now what i see from most guys is that they completely flat out reject the idea altogether which really isn't too nice... i mean most of the time when we like someone it's only ever a small crush which will eventually go away, for us humans it's rare that we feel totally and completely infactuated by someone as soon as we meet them, so know it's just a crush that will eventually go away how can there be any harm in being friends?, and if a guy chose to me my friend i'm not insulting him i'm merely offering a nice friendship where i will respect him no matter what, i wouldn't hold it against him whatsoever.

    • Show All
    • Ah, I see what you're trying to say. It's not that they felt not good enough beforehand, but that the person who rejects is, in essence, telling them they're not good. So why be around that person?

      And offering friendship immediately after the rejection, to most guys, is like a "consolation prize." Add to that when the rejector starts talking about a crush around the rejected, & you get jealousy. So when guys reject the offer of friendship, they're avoiding having to deal with the jealousy that's likely to follow. Think of it as emotional self-preservation.

      And I assure you, you haven't been rejected nearly as much as guys. It does get to you, in time. The process almost becomes automatic. Ask girl out, get rejected, move on, repeat. Sticking around to be friends, with someone who rejects you, just reminds you of that negative feeling. Better to cut ties & move on.

      Seems like girls like being able to keep rejected guys around. Not how it works.

    • Oh i have been rejected as much as guys, every crush in high school, ever crush in college and every crush i have now... and mostly it's other people that mess it up for me on purpose lol they tell them i'm no good when they never took the time to get to know me themselves so... i NEVER even hint to who i like any more... lol but still... i get rejected even when nobody does mess it up, so us girls do get rejected just as much because other girls are bitches lol they are so envious of a guy showing any girl attention except to them...

  • The worst word a person can hear when they like someone is "friend". You are correct when you say there is nothing you can do about it. I once thought that men and women can be just friends. Life has taught me otherwise. Truly platonic friendships are a rare thing. It's a stupid thing for anyone to remain friends with the hope that time will change that. Hence the "friendzone", the place of no escape.

    1|1
    0|0
  • I don't understand why this question keeps coming up. 'Friend-zone' is simply a term for being seen as only a friend. That's all. It doesn't necessarily imply anything.

    Many men get upset about being friend-zoned for much the same reason that many women get upset about being sex-zoned. Why would a woman get upset about being sex-zoned? I think it's pretty obvious why.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeh but because most of the time it only starts off as a small crush it's not likely to effect your judgement, from what i've experienced when going get mad at me and go "Yeh right... "friend-zoned" AGAIN! YOU WOMEN!" and then totally square up to us o_o it's like... i'm sorry you had bad experiences i have too but we don't even know each other so how is it my fault? lol it's not my fault i've been through bad experiences ether lol, for serious they will kind of square up to you and that will certainly make us women bolt out the door because we think your seriously gonna psycho killer style hurt us lol. I think this think creates really bad behavior in males... it's so silly... especially when we don't even know them...

    • Just... everything is our fault... i mean yeh... it can get daunting after so many rejections and i completely know how it feels because in fact i get it worse... if people around me even get an inclination of who i like they start standing in front of me, whispering stuff to the guy i like, telling him i'm a bad person and just bullying me... so i cannot even ask guys out in front of other people... it's that bad... lol so i completely understand how you can be showed up, but getting angry really honestly isn't right when it's not our faults there is so many idiots out there lol, so i think this friend-zone thing needs to stop... it makes no sense at all...

  • It is a thing, I've been in it, still am in a couple cases. I've told them how i feel, they don't feel the same way, I'm stuck with being friends with them.
    That's it, you seen angry... that's not a good thing, have some of this,
    www.wetakethecake.com/.../...late-Cake-6inch_2.jpg

    1|0
    0|0
    • Also, you can be just friends with a someone even if YOU want more and they don't, but they may eventually change their minds.

  • They're not really friends and it isn't a zone, but there needs to be a way for guys to talk about a problem that they encounter when a guy who can't set boundaries meets a girl who's completely full of herself. If we can't teach those guys to recognize and avoid the friendzone, they'll end up ruining themselves chasing what isn't there. Have some compassion.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it does exist, but then it's just petty hurts... nobody is really owed anything in life..

    1|0
    1|0
    • I think so yes i think it's jsut really childish and petty... i think they only say it because their pride is hurt but most of the time people barely even like you enough for it to hurt them THAT much, i mean when you like someone so it feel THAT strong so quickly every time? course it doesn't lol and i highly doubt it could effect the possiblity of a friendship because the feelings would just go away becasue it was only a small crush... it's just really sad people would miss out on the chance of making a friend over pride...

  • I've seen the friendzone in action. My friend used to try to be every girls friend. So he would talk to all the girls, even if it was about nothing. So he had this huge number of random girls he could call friends. But not one of them would let him in their pants. His strategy was that eventually one of these girls would become open to the idea...

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well that was dumb because girls are stupid lol and when girls choose a guy they first determine how they act with their friends, so you being there would of ensured that that they knew he was doing something just to try and prove something that wasn't true, a girl knows when guys are tryign to get in their pants.

    • He was just being friendly... they invited him out to lunch... although he had to pay... hehe... He had ulterior motives, but Im not sure if the girls could detect it. In fact, I can't imagine many guys not having a motive if they werent gay...

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuzrWMjdEhU

    • I don't think they were stupid because without you knowing us girls get you to buy us drinks all the time in clubs when you try to get us layed, we know... we just know.. so when your friend took them to lunch they knew... but i highly doubt they could pass up a free lunch hehehehe xD

  • Yeah it does exists. Every situation has been given a nomenclature nowadays.
    There are three zones.
    1- brother zone
    2- friendzone
    3- Fuckzone.
    And relationship is totally a separate entity.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I was friendzoned, and there is a lot of reason of why people get friendzoned. If you have a realtion with a guys and think its perfect that way u won't change it at all.

    0|0
    0|0
    • No... there is no such thing... they obviously only thought of you as a friend only right from the start lol i see questions like "why do girls "friend-zone" me? and as a girl i just do not even understand this whole thing because from how i flirt and from how i see others flirt they ether like you or don't which means this "friend-zone" thing just makes no sense lol.

    • Show All
    • but she still never liked you from the start so to her you were always just friends so you "friend-zoned" nobody... you were just friends... all of this is so silly... you make it sound like there is somethig really terribly wrong about beng friends with the opposite sex... i just don't... how can people be so cold?

    • I dont see anything wrong of being friendzoned. But u are right a lot of people make it look terrible and even inhuman.

  • I don't know, people need an excuse to stop trying after failing parts of the test?

    0|0
    0|0
  • The friend zone exists only for men who create it.

    If a girl rejects me and gives me the 'let's just be friends" speech, I politely decline. Therefore I am not in the friend zone. There are guys who will become friends with a girl to try and manipulate the girls feelings for them to get her to commit to him.

    So it does exist, for women to say it doesn't is ridiculous.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because people who believe in it, like it... and are most likely just delusional

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 7

  • i think it has a lot to do with the behavior. there's a guy you're friends with but you don't like and then there's the guy you friendzone. you know he likes you and you feel kinda bad but you think he's a great friend so you're constantly reminding him that he's "such a great FRIEND" and you talk to him about boy problems and treat him like one of your girl friends. it's a thing, it's totally a thing. you can be friends with a guy and not friendzone him, it all depends how you treat him (in my opinion at least). just like with girls it's usually fuck zoned. the guy thinks she's hot and he loves fucking her but would he ever date her? hell naw because she's not "that type" even though he might fuck some other girl and decide to date her eventually. it happens, it's life. they both exist, but we all just gotta stop complaining about it lol

    0|0
    0|0
    • but you already thought of them a friend right from the very start, you didn't find him attractive not for 1 second so there is nothing to "friend-zone" you ether like them or you don't but now beause of this people treat it like there is something wrong with making friends with the opposite sex especially guys... but there is completely nothing wrong with it... so i guess this is why girls only make it harder for themsselves to have any guy friends at all because now they think that there is some how some way to "fix" this "friend-zone" when from the start you never found them attractive, they are the only one that found you attractive, but it's like nobody is aloud to NOT like someone any more... so... it's just confusing the whole thing... inothing about it makes any sense.

    • it's just a fancy word they use so they can complain about it. i think you're worrying about it too much lol i wouldn't worry. if some guy is complaining you friend zoned him just tell him that fortunately you didn't friend jail him so he's free to just get the fuck out lmao

  • Oh but it is... in fact a real zone. Just like a loading zone... or any other zone for that matter lmao. No parking zone, what does one do? Gets someone to sit in the car whilst idling there.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it IS a thing, I'm consistently in the friend zone. But I'm not butt hurt about it. I get sad about it for awhile, and then I realize "FUCK YEAH this guy is such a great friend and individual, I'm lucky to have him in my life."

    0|0
    0|0
    • so I guess, essentially, I don't view "friend zone" in the traditional, negative way others do. I'm gonna call it a friend bubble.

  • Agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
    X100

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because it IS real. Were you friend-zoned or something because you seem pretty angry!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I totally agree. I don't get it either.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm in the "friend-zone".. mostly because i can't date.. haha yeah i've friendzoned some guys, trust me it hurt me as much as it hurt them.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...