Exclusive but not official, what's the difference?

So I've been seeing this guy very casually for almost a year now. At first it was just "hooking up" (not sex) from time to time and he was clear from the beginning that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship.
However, since around late September, it has gotten more serious. We actually hang out more, it's become normal for us to see each other 2-3 times a week and we've now had sex, which for me was a big step.
We've had the discussion about being exclusive and he was even pretty insistent that it was what he wanted. But we haven't talked about the whole "official relationship" issue again (i don't want to put pressure on him but instead enjoy the great times we have together because we are basically in a relationship anyway - his family and our friends all know that we are involved).
I do sometimes think about it though, and I wonder if this could ever develop into a bf/gf relationship? And I'm also confused with the difference between being exclusive and official is for a guy? Because for me right now the only difference is that I'd be able to introduce him as my boyfriend (which I am willing to wait to do as long as I have the rest).


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Most Helpful Girl

  • For 'Almost a year now,' sweetie, you both Started Out in these baby steps, which Didn't Include Sex... and with This, his Honest John answers to your own Question of not 'Looking for a serious relationship,' which you have known From Day One.
    However, as time progressed here, dear, you both have nursed and nurtured More in Store now, where it has gotten to the Next Super Step, and having gotten closer, 'We actually hang out more.' This is showing me you are going slow with the flow of Not rushing into anything so there is more of a chance for romance that can Help in avoiding going down a beaten path as time goes on.
    I commend him and you with all the right moves and grooves. You have even Labeled 'Being 'Exclusive' and he is set in his mind and his motive to have You as his One and Only girl... however being "Official" is still Something he won't Slap a title on right now, because it is too much of a meaning being hooked at the hip and two birds of a feather, which he is Not ready Nor raring for at this point in time.
    You have a good start. With you Not putting Any "Pressure on him but instead enjoy the great times we have together...' With you playing your cards right, it is developing into a bond, where the bough is holding firmer, no signs of a break.
    Keep it going and flowing. You both have this amazing chemistry and magic and I feel it is worth your time to hang in there... he has feelings for you and with your patience which has become a virtue here, dear, you have him where you want him where he isn't growing cold duck feet and flying south.
    I also believe that the day when he might be prepared 'To introduce him as my boyfriend,' it will be because he is truly in love with you and will Not only want you as his One and Only, but his One and Only Love Interest that he may want to even share a nest with or maybe a lifetime with.
    Good luck... blessings to the both of you in 2015. xx

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    • Thank you so much for your sweet response, it actually put a smile on my face:)

    • You are so welcome and thank you... Don't worry, just go slow.. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was a Good romance, so far so good.:)) xxoo

    • Thank you for allowing me to lend a helping hand here, dear.:)) xxoo

What Guys Said 2

  • He already spelled it out to you, he's not looking for a serious relationship so you are wasting your time on him. I'm sure you can find a guy who wants more with you than just hooking up.

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  • I guess exclusive means you're not seeing (or having sex with) anyone else, but official means you're boyfriend/girlfriend. So perhaps he doesn't see you as his girlfriend (at this stage anyway), but wants to be exclusive with you (for now anyway).

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    • But do you think there's potential for it becoming bf/gf or do guys decide that earlier on (meaning he would've wanted it to become official a while ago, if that was really what he wanted)?

    • I really don't know, you've been seeing him for quite a while and not having sex for a far part of that time so he may well be interested in being 'official' - it does seem a bit odd that he doesn't want that already I guess, but he ma still at some stage. I think you should just talk to him about what you both want and that you'd like an official relationship eventually.

What Girls Said 3

  • These situations, from my experience, never really end well. I was actually the one who laid down this rule once, and I never ended up making it "official." It was selfish (and unintentional), but i basically wanted him to myself but didn't actually want him to be my boyfriend. I wanted to feel single and still be able to say I was single.

    His arrangement was his way of keeping you to himself, and also giving you partially what you wanted so that you could move your relationship forward (to sex), and not lose you to anyone else. Making a relationship exclusive but not official, is stupid. Unless of course you're both not looking to date, and just want a sexually exclusive relationship for health and emotional reasons.

    You have to do what feels right for you, but I think this situation could very well go on forever. He's got (in his mind) the ideal situation. You're kind of together, in a kind of relationship, where he's having sex with you and you're only having sex with him. The exclusivity piece assures him that he won't lose you and that you won't sleep with anyone else. That's good enough for him. You, however, are missing an important piece that you need. Which is the real relationship piece. He'll be happy with this arrangement for a while, whereas you are already wondering when you can move forward.

    Speak up. Ask for what you need. I'd agree with you to hold off if you still weren't having sex yet. But now that you're giving a huge piece of yourself (that means something to you), you should be getting what you need in return. If he can't give it, then move on.

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  • To me, official is officially being labeled as a boyfriend. You have an actual relationship, hang out together, meet family, etc. Exclusive is being the only one you will have sex with.

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  • Exclusive- only sleeping with each other.
    Official- real relationship.

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