Bf lied to me about money?

My bf and I have been dating 4.5 years and a few days ago I asked him if I could borrow $30 because I don't get paid until next week and something unexpectedly happened to my car and I need it fixed asap. I never ask to borrow money from him but he said he didn't have it so I said OK. Literally the next day he said his sister called him up and needed $100 from him to borrow and he magically had it for her that evening. First of all I never ask him to borrow money and second of all I told him I plan to pay him on the day I get paid and mine was an emergency situation. I'm hurt by so much here. For starters he lied to me second of all he was unwilling to help me out when he knew I needed it I mean come on after this amount of time iwe should be able to rely on each other and knoe that if one person in the relationship needs help the other person will have their back after all that is one of the reasons they are called partners
Next he is basically stabbing me in the heart by saying that he can't spare $30 for me but he can give freaking $100 for his sister like I'm not as important to him or something. I literally am so pissed I haven't been talking to him all day. What would you do in my shoes?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • The first thing is please breath, you are a very good woman, you don't go around borrowing money and you have a heart. So breath.

    After that think: When you are in a relationship the "silent treatment" will never help you get what you want out of a relationship and does not solve problems ever (believe me I have been there and done that) it does not work.

    So what to do: Only you can tell us if this guy is worth it, sit down and be real with yourself, is this the only "issue" in the relationship? Usually after 4/5 years of dating a relationship should have moved on to engagement or something more serious, I am sure you both know if you would marry each other or no by now? The reason it should progress is you end up being in a more brother/sister/friend relationship, there is no spark just routine.

    Is he worth it? Is the spark there? Are you two still passionate about each other and show caring in other ways?

    If he is worth it and you are not hanging onto a fading relationship then you sound like someone who internalises, you don't always speak up or speak your mind (this is something you need to determine, so if your friends do something that makes you mad, would you just keep quiet to keep the piece?)

    If he is worth it then FIND YOUR VOICE. Squark until he listens, take him out to dinner (be nice about it) and explain to him (don't get emotional and cry like a girl) tell him clearly what your expectations are and why he did not meet them, then TELL HIM, how it made you feel (but don't show it, there is nothing more scary to a guy than his girlfriends swollen red face with snot and tears complaining) Don't throw pots and pans, explain and tell him your standard and your expectations. Then listen to what he has to say and you will get resolution.

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What Guys Said 3

  • After that long together your boyfriend should be taking care of your car for you and making the arrangements to get it fixed and worry about the money after. Not to be sexist, but this just one of the things any boyfriend should look after without question. From your story here, he certainly isn't husband material or long term. $30 is peanuts. My wife has bras more expensive than that. If can't help you out with $30 that is a serious red flag.

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  • Tell him. Let him know that you free like you are not as important as his sister. Tell him you don't feel 1/2 as important as his sister. And tell him this really hurts you. There could be something that came up and he had the money to give her. Who knows, maybe he got a check in the mail or something. It could just be timing. Either way you should know for sure and ask him about it. He may even have a rule of not loaning money to friends... regardless of how close they are to him.

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    • After 4.5 years I think I qualify as a little more than a friend. I mean we live together. We are going to get married if he can't trust me now then what does they say about entering marriage. Something may have came up with his sis but something came up with me too. I don't know I'm too angry to think right now I just have to calm down

  • Can't be dealing with liars

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What Girls Said 2

  • I understand that it must hurt and I feel sorry for you :(
    Talk to him, ask him why and explain how you feel. Not in a aggressive way, but calmly and rationally.

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  • That's really hurtful. I would be angry and hurt as well. I would consider it an eye opener to the kind of man he is and do you really want to be with him? I'd flat out ask him without being accusatory why he could do it for her but not you. Depending on his answer you may realize he's not the man you thought or is turning out to be.

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