I'm in love with my best friend, but she doesn't feel the same. What do I do to cope?

I've known my best friend for almost 6-7 years. I'm madly in love with her to the point that I get physically sick because she doesn't feel the same. I think about her day and night. When I close my eyes all I see is her. Her voice is echoing in my head. I have insomnia because sleep is unobtainable. When I do sleep all my dreams are about her. Being around her is exhilarating and torturous at once. When she is happy, so am I. When she is sad I feel her pain.

Her smile is like a sun to me - blinding and beautiful. Her lips are like a cherry blossom - delicate and pink. Her eyes are deeper than the deepest trench and browner than the finest cocoa bean. Her sweet scent is intoxicating to me. My heart aches with love for her.

I don't want to continue suffering like this. What am I supposed to do?

Updates:
Thanks for all the helpful advice and condolences. In the time between the posting and now I have applied all the advice mentioned here and it has definitely helped me deal with this. Thank you again for the help.
Also, to answer the question if I actually confessed to her, yes I did. She told me that she does not feel the same.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, let me just say that what you just wrote is extremely over the top.

    If you really act like this in real life, then maybe that's why she doesn't want to be in a relationship; she finds that you're heads always up in the clouds daydreaming or romanticizing. That or you're too clingy and you pour all your energy and time into a single person which strongly suggests that you have nothing else to do...

    Secondly, you certainly have the balls to confess to your best friend.

    Yeah, it sucks to be rejected, especially by a girl you're going crazy over. But it happens to everyone at least once in their lifetime (as far as I know anyways). If she doesn't feel the same, then it's best to try and forget about dating or marrying her and trying to look for other options. Sorry man, it's just the way things are.

    Thirdly, you have balls to be posting this on a site where literally anyone can comment on what you've said.

    I know I might be sounding harsh right now, but it's only because I need to give you my completely honest opinion, considering that this is a pretty serious crisis for you right now and you certainly sound like you need the help. So thanks for gathering the courage to put this on the internet (especially since she could find this and read it...)

    Either way, it doesn't look good for you two. Best thing to do for now is just to tell her that you need some time apart from her to calm down after what happened. Don't keep the knife in the wound.

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    • I don't think you're being too harsh - I prefer people to be real with me. Yeah, it does sound over the top. I tend to put more details than I probably should. I don't act like a completely lovestruck moron in reality, but it's how I feel inside, you know? I've been taking all this advice into serious consideration the past couple of days.

    • That's good to hear.

      But what I find hard to understand is if you two are best friends, then why would she think that a relationship wouldn't work out between you two? It doesn't sound like she likes certain things about you that she can't get over.

      In this case, I'd definitely try to find someone that loves you for everything you are and what you just told me you're like.

      Hope for the best!

What Girls Said 20

  • As much as this sucks to hear, this pain won't ever go away till you either a) Find someone else to be in love with and b) separate yourself from the source of pain (aka her). She's the salt to your wounds right now. You can't expect to heal and get better if you keep opening up this wound by being around her. No one can move on if they are constantly around the person who is hurting them. There will need to be distance in order for you to come to terms with things. Best thing you can do right now is confidence building as well. When you deal with rejection you feel bad about yourself. That's a given. So now you need to work on your self esteem and ultimately that will motivate you to do more, achieve more and better your life without her. Another tip... stop placing her on a pedestal. Realize she's a human, makes mistakes and isn't perfect.

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  • Now that you know that sadly 'She does not feel the same,' The_Eternal_Emperor, it's time to do some serious soul searching here, dear, and start the new year off Right on the Right Foot Because-----I don't want to continue suffering like this.
    She was not only your bestie from the restie, she is most Definitely your First Love. You are Definitely In love with her, love her above everything and everyone and Unconditionally... My heart aches with love for her.
    You need to begin your beguine with staying away from her little by little. Little contact as possible or this will engulf not only your heart which it has, but your whole Life, your whole Being, which it is Doing right now as I even write this. It's not healthy for you and the next thing you know, you will find yourself getting so obsessed that you may even start following her around no matter where she goes, just to see who she meets up with.
    You can't move on unless you stop torturing yourself with even Being with her. It's killing you inside. You have this Closure on One end that after '6-7 years' she doesn't feel anything except love and friendship for you and that may never change. You need to come to terms with it, get a grip on yourself and be strong... take the bull by the horns and just take each day slowly. And as far as finding another, give herself time in that department. Anyone new will only end up to be a rebound and that also isn't good as well.
    Focus on yourself but put this to bed and get your life back before you end up dying of a broken heart.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thanks for that advice :)

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    • I tried to update my question but it wouldn't let me. I'm cutting contact with her completely for a while and seeing where it goes.

    • Yes, I agree you should... and if you are having a problem down a path that you feel leads to some despair, seek some help. xxoo

  • You have to distance yourself from her.
    Your feelings will only grow for her if you are constantly in her company.
    You care for her a lot but you have to accept that the feeling is not mutual.

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  • Let me tell you something, I was in your exact same situation up till basically September of this year. I had known this guy friend since I was 12 and I'm 20 now. The minute I met him I remember feeling like I was hit by a lighting bolt. For years up till I was 16, I never really accepted how I felt about him, partially because we were in a different grade from each other and I always tried to like someone else. When I was sixteen I was stupid and wrote him a note telling him how I felt and our friendship fell apart. I didn't really see him that much as we were at different schools. I couldn't stop thinking about him and after I was 16 I tried to forget him. As a couple years past I didn't think about him all the time, but he still crossed my mind from time to time. I found that now being college, for some reason when I would see a guy I was attracted to my heart made me almost feel disgusted to like them and because of that feeling I wouldn't get a crush. For the longest time I had feelings of anger towards my guy friend, but that didn't end my feelings. They were always in the back of my mind. This/last September I became a notetaker for one of my classes, I had no idea who the person was if they were a girl/guy and I really wasn't that excited about doing it, but I knew I would get 50 dollars. It turned out to be this guy and the minute I met him I no longer had any lingering feelings for my ex guy friend. I wouldn't say I developed a crush on him right there, but there was something about him that I was drawn to. We got along really well right away and I usually a really shy person, but not with him and now we have known each other for around 5 months. I don't if I love him or what, but I do know that I care about him a lot. I have told him that I liked him and he has never told me how he feels. One question, has your best friend told you that they actually don't feel the same?

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    • My advice is to just try to forget about her, don't hang out with her for awhile. Limit how much you talk to her. My feelings got a little less once I was not seeing my guy friend everyday. I don't think if will go away completely till you meet the right person. For me, throughout high school I did have crushes, but they weren't the same as what I felt for my guy friend. Try to do other things/keep yourself busy and I believe someone will come unexpectedly in your life and change your mind. I wouldn't have believed it either, till I met my current study buddy/guy friend. Good luck! :)

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    • When I say admirable, I mean that he has stuck by her and supported her all this time even when she didn't feel the same way. To me it shows that he is devoted. I think that is admirable. Clearly the way the girl acted in the situation with you was bad and she
      overreacted. I think it was admirable that you were able to tell her your feelings and still be okay when she didn't feel the same. What she did was rude and childish. If I was the one in her situation, I would be flattered that a guy had felt that way about me. I'm not saying that this guy should still be at her side waiting, I believe he needs to distance himself from her and then eventually he might be able to be her friend. In my case, I probably could be friends with the guy, but because of how my exact situation turned out it didn't happen.

    • In order for him to heal, he has to meet someone else and distance himself for awhile.

  • You're not in a friendship.
    You're in love and that's your only motivation for being around her and hurting like this. Friends don't hurt one another by existing and they also don't stay around one another if they are hurting. Friendships are more genuine, relaxed and flexible. It's not supposed to be an obsession.

    Break your "friendship". Openly and painfully, break it as soon as possible. Explain if you want, don't if you can't, but make sure she knows you two will not be friends anymore. Ever.
    Then stick to your gut and let time and hormones do the rest.

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  • How do you know she doesn't feel the same way? Did you talk about it or are you just assuming?

    If you actually know, then you have to get over her. My recommendation is to sleep with someone else, but if that's perhaps a bit drastic, at least finding someone else to go on a few dates with and lust over for a while will go a long way.

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    • We discussed this. lol I posted this question over a week ago and they just now featured it xD Anyway, yeah we talked about this numerous times. In the time between the posting and now, my situation has improved a bit. I'm no longer getting sick over this and I have started doing activities to help my emotional state.

  • give up the friendship. at this point you're no longer truly a friend to her and you're only going to get hurt worse.

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  • :(
    I'm so sorry.
    This is going to really suck... but cutting her out for awhile... like completely out with no contact is going to help you heal and move on...
    Again... I am so sorry... you seem like a great guy with a great ability at sounding poetic.

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  • thats so sweet! have u asked her if she likes u or not? + my best friend used to like my sis. who is like exactly 2 years older than him + she didn't like him back. we still talk all the time even tho he moved 2 south carolina he's still my best friend + nothing could change that so if ur girl doesn't like u back keep her as ur bestfriend but look for some1 else cuz there's "other fish in the ocean" ;) best friends shouldn't not be friends anymore cuz one likes the other + the feelings aren't mutual. u should still be friends with here!

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  • I'm sorry to say this but : You're in deep shit my friend !
    if I were you I'd put some, no a lot of distance between us. actually I did it. and it worked quite well. it took some times, but I did it.

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  • I have the same feeling for someone right now.. and I know for a fact he doesn't like me back either, so I understand your pain.

    Why don't you just ask her out once? Maybe bring some flowers for her? Have you ever tried that? If you never ask, you'll never know.

    Us girls actually understand how hard it is to ask us out.. so we will be nice about it.

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    • I didn't. She told me she didn't feel the same way so I respected her and backed off. I didn't want to seem like I was harassing her so I kept myself from asking her out on a date anyway.

    • I have no idea what to tell you. If she said she doesn't like you back.. I don't know what to say

  • Distincing yourself is the best idea you should just stop talking to her for a few days crazy as it sounds it works I have to do it a lot with my ex being friends with him is hard

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  • This is amazing and you have a way with your words. Wow.

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  • The only thing you can do is move on. Just accept her as a friend. Find someone else. You know that you will always be able to talk to her.

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  • Did you tell her how you feel? Sometimes you have to tell the person straight up that you have feelings for them.

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  • Awwwwwwww :)

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  • Did you tell her about it?

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  • Maybe try and get out more and check out other girls. Also, you should be sure that she doesn't feel the same way if you don't already. PS I'm sorry to hear you are in such a tough situation.

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  • I understand how you feel because I felt in love with someone who will never like me back. But all I can tell you is to focus on yourself and pretty soon someone will love you back.

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  • I guess you should tell her, you never know, maybe she feels the same but also trying to hide it, if you don't tell her now, you might lose her later, and live the rest of your life with a terrible regret...

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What Guys Said 30

  • Here is 3 songs that'll help you get over it.
    Listen to this one first , you're in your crushing phrase... it's normal to feel pain as your soul is CRUSHED by the weight of a million titans.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGFTQUsMH1s

    Immerse yourself in it... use your imagination.

    After that is done... wait for a few minutes.
    Then listen to this one.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzPCTfVSVi0

    Imagination is your friend...

    Now... to the final phase.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=878Z6AOF5us

    Now go to sleep and wakeup.
    I call this... Illusive's Music Therapy.

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  • This is going to sound absurd, but you deal with that sharp pain the same way you deal with the sharp pain when you stub you toe--you walk it off! I know it sucks (been there!) but just like with the toe, dwelling on it won't change the facts and won't get you past it any faster. If you want to reduce the amount of time you spend in mourning (and you do!) then you've got to walk it off. Focus on other pursuits to take your mind off her and get out there and meet lots of girls. And I mean LOTS. First of all, you'll be more social, which is always a good thing, you'll meet more potential dates and you'll even make some really good friends.

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  • This is the simplest question I will answer all night you have two options but first ask yourself this "if you stay friends can you get over loving her and move your mind back to a platonic state?" If you answer yes congrats you stay friends. if you answer No then you have to break all ties and not speak or see her again because its going to be hard very hard if you do. A bond of best friends that develops into something more is very very hard to get over and even if you started dating and fell for someone else there is a high chance if you saw this friend again those feelings would return and you would be emotionally cheating on the new girl. If you do have to walk away just tell your BF why and explain that you need her to help you break the contact by not replying if you do reach out. Tell her sorry and move on.

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  • The best thing i could do in this situation was realise that i had not lost anything but the hope of it ever being more. Once i realised that it actually helped to comfort me. I did not loose her, we where still amazing friends. She was still there for me, very kind and as amazing as she was. She just wouldn't be mine.

    Then i killed off the feelings i had for her, and in the end? We had a strong friendship for another year. Sadly after that she went to a new college and was way to busy to care :/.

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  • Cut contact with her completely. Like, 100%. Even remove her from your Facebook or other social media, don't text, don't call, don't do anything that involves interacting with her. Eventually, the pain will dissipate and you will be able to move forward.

    Good luck!

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  • Always make her happy... Always be there for her specially in times of feeling down and problems... There will come a time that all those efforts will gain positivity and she might realize and reflect that you are always there for her... Bless you brother...

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    • Thanks a lot man. Even if the feelings are never reciprocated, I will ALWAYS try my best to be her best friend.

    • I do believe that in time those efforts will bear a good fruit... Just keep us posted and looking forward to see you two walk in the isle and exchange vows with each other... Hope you'll invite me... Hehe... If you need someone to talk with we're all here... I myself had this kind of Experience but to cut the story short unfortunately she turned and chose to be a lesbian but I'm happy for her... I'll always love her no matter what... 😊

  • I've been the exact same situation and i'm going to tell you the honest truth

    1) Those feelings will never truly go away you just learn to accept the truth
    2) Tell this girl how you really feel, believe me it can make accepting the situation easier
    3) Learn to express your emotions is ways that help you, if writing poetry helps, do it
    4) Don't be afraid to cry, nothing is wrong with a man crying, we hare human
    5) Force yourself not to speak to her, you need to train your brain to not think about her and (annoyingly and as heart breaking as it is) the best way to do that is to cut contact (completely if possible)
    6) Find someonr else you can confide in when your feeling crap and depressed
    7) Feelings pass in time you just need to be strong
    8) Distract yourself with other things but DO NOT try and date other girls until you feel you are ready (you'll know when you are), trust me only leads to more people getting hurt
    9) IT WILL NOT BE EASY TO DO THE AFOREMENTIONED IT MAY TAKE YEARS BUT YOU CAN DO IT

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  • I feel bad for you man. I've been there myself. it's not a good place to be. Just trust me when i tell you that the pain does eventually go away. I was in a similar position at your age, and i felt that I'd never get out of it. But you know... you eventually meet so many more people that what happens to you now becomes a distant memory later.

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  • Damn bruh, thas a tough one. I know its a bigg pill, but you're gonna have go swallow it down. This suit is gon help make you extra strong. I had the same problem. But different. She was a big gurl, were in love, and when she lost 60 lbs, she cut me off. I was literally stuck on stupid and did not know what to do. I even fuckin begged. But nothin was ghood enough. I had to learn bow to break my own heart. That way I wouldn't resent her for treating me like that. Now she's bigger than she was back then, and I have zero interest in her, and I'm strong enough to break loose from something I love that isn't right for me.

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  • So recently even i went through the same thing, the girl i thought the world of.. didt think of me in the same way.. she never could.. three years its been since its been this way.. a year ago, she met a guy who was really good looking and was rich and within the next month they were in a relationship.. they did break up after 3 months.. and this year suddenly she started seeing him again.. i fought that guy to keep him away from her but she came in between to tell me fuck off and dont bother them.. and did i mention she was one of my good friends? Yes she was a very good friend of mine but with time i realised that you can't be friends with someone you love.. it wil mentally destroy you ajd it will destroy your relationships..

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  • Friendzoned. Kid, if you want her you need to acknowledge the relationship of your sexual orientations and you need to stop kissing up to her, be yourself and act like you're something of value. Right now, how you're acting towards her, she is not finding attractive enough to see you as a potential mate. That's all there is to it.

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  • If she doesn't feel the same, you cannot change it, no matter what you do. :/

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  • I know how you feel, I told a girl how i felt about her and she didn't feel the same about me. Just distance yourself from her and over time it will go away the feelings. Just accept that you'll never have her and that there's someone else who does have feelings for you.

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  • You need to cut her loose. It will be hard, but its the only way. Fill your time with things that make you happy. Talk to other girls. Just try to distract yourself. If you try to keep her in your life, the suffering won't end.

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  • Bruh move on stop being a door mat

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  • The hurt will pass in time... and you'll look back and laugh about the whole thing. This happens to all of us at some point. Often times... down the road, we'll see that our crush really wasn't all that, perhaps even a complete pain in the butt and you'll be thankful that you didn't get with her. Chicks are often very different in relationships, then the women we thought they were before we got involved with them. As you get older, you'll see exactly what I mean.

    Keep your head up bro...

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  • I've been there. This is one of the only times being selfish is a good thing. You just walk away from her : not only does it show you're taking it like a man, but it also tells her "yeah bitch, I did like you".

    You just take it on the chin, use this as experience for up coming relationships, and then never look back. It might take a while to get over her, but eventually you will.

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  • I know that feel bro. Hope things are going a lot better for you already.

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  • I've been there too man. Just try not to hang out, talk or do anything with her. I know how hard it is, but try to ignore her. Meet new people, go out, do stuff with other friends. This should make you forget about her finally.

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  • Well I suppose you could kill yourself and if that doesn't sound appealing get the fuck over it and move on

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  • i agree with many of the comments here. run, run away as fast as you can. otherwise you will find yourself getting jealous when she's dating other guys and pining painfully when she's not. trust me, it's a lot of hurt for nothing brother.

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  • one word.
    chocolate

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  • Sounds like you might wanna call MTV's the friends zone and see if the two of you can really be something.

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  • Cut her off!!! Learn from my mistakes

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  • She friendzoned you!

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  • Rape her... im totally just kidding thats terrible I don't know move on

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  • Most men that say that want to be friends with a single female, are fooling themselves, and want/hope to be in some of relationship/date with them. 6-7 years is kind of long to be in the friends zone. A lot of women like to have these "friends" and then they go and date the biggest assholes in the planet. You become her pet, always hopeful, the nice guy. I know plenty of guys that were able to date girls even after being "friends", but it can be a lot of work and there is no certainty of success. She is kind using you and you and her might not even realize that. At the this point, you should go cold turkey on her. Try to go out with other women, nothing serious, prostitutes if necessary, decompress and burn some energy. Play sports, Take a nice trip to Asia or Latin America, you will have tons of women there. Open your horizons. Get some real male friends, and stop being her pet.

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  • just man up and get over it

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  • First world problems. Man up.

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