Girls - have you ever turned down a guy you liked because you feared what people will think?

e. g. imagine if you had family, friends or community who held some views which you know wouldn't be conducive to you dating this guy you liked (e. g. be it religion, race, reputation, socioeconomic etc etc.)... have you let that come in your way of getting to know a guy?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have, just because of above mentioned reasons... although it hurts me too but I have to do it, I have come from a small town, worse religiously known town. The rumors fly here faster than the swift, my father has a great "reputation" to maintain and if I so much as start to get close to any guy in romantic way. People would start to make fun of my parents, they would mock them and my father is not strong willed I might get disowned. I care a lot about them I can't live without having them in my life, it's stupid but I can't. Even if I have to kill my desire for a guy... in my eyes true love is but a myth it all vanishes during the time, many people marry saying that they truly love the person but when "the honeymoon period" is over they start to regret their decision. I have been taught this my entire life, these so-called-moral values have been fed me through out and that's what I know. I know this might sound bad to the readers but that's what it is about being daughter of a religiously known person.

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    • Anyway didn't wanted to hurt anyone, I just gave my opinion (more like ranted). Thanks for asking this question it just got frustration out of my system.

What Girls Said 69

  • Uh... no. Yeah no. Never. The guy I'm with is younger than me by 2 years and when we were flirting in HS (never started dating until senior year) everyone judged me for being the freak who's interested in the younger guy. Joke's on them though 'cause I'm a senior in college and we're still together and they're all either single or on like their 25th boyfriend since then. :P

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  • I did this years ago back in junior high. I've grown up since then and definitely don't let the opinions of others affect my decisions anymore, but I did do this to a really good guy. I knew he liked me, and I didn't hide the fact that I liked him either, but when it came down to it, I rejected him and told him I'd rather stay friends. He wasn't the cutest boy in the world, and the friends I had at the time were super shallow and told me that he was too ugly for me. They also said that he was a loser, but he and his friends just weren't as popular. I still found them cooler than a lot of the popular kids anyway. I'll never really understand what makes a person popular, I guess it's just charisma, because the not so popular kids always turned out to be the coolest.
    Essentially, I wasn't ballsy enough to go against what my friends were telling me to do. A couple years later though, my group of friends changed and I was no longer part of the "popular crew". I became friends with that guy again and we eventually dated for a bit. It ended though, turns out he was extremely jealous and insecure lol.

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  • yes back when i was like middle school/early high school. i have some family members who are kind of on the racist side and my current boyfriend is not white. they don't know about him yet. but even when they find out, i have enough family members who support me that it shouldn't actually become an issue. i'm sure trying to date someone your whole family is vehemently against, however, is extremely difficult and i feel bad for anyone who has to go through that. i honestly don't know what i would do because family is important to me but if i really liked the guy, that would be so hard. :(

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  • Yes. When I was in middle school I started crushing on this guy in front of me who me and my friends used to make fun of for being a dork but when I started talking to him I found out we had common interests and I started finding him attractive but I nipped it in the bud in fear of what my best friend (who sat behind me) would think. I was afraid she would constantly make fun of me and I didn't want to lose whatever "image" of myself that I builded up so I just stopped talking to him and nipped those feelings quickly. But then when I went back in my head years later I realized "wow I liked that guy I just was immature and didn't pursue it" I tried searching for him on Facebook but couldn't find him but to this day I use him as a story line when talking about MY immaturity for not going after a guy I liked in fear of what others thought.

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  • Yep. I never really liked anyone during high school so i never dated, but my parents we're really strict on the whole no dating, school first thing so it just was ingrained in my head. Plus, they were always going on about how i should marry someone of the same race and anyone else is not good enough. And any guy that i did like, i wouldn't go for because i was shy or because for some stupid ass reason, if my friends didn't find him attractive, i would be too embarrassed to continue like him. I don't know why that seemed logical, it's just stupid and shallow. But I'm slowly getting over it, and my parents have loosened up. If i meet someone who feels the same way, then im gonna go right on ahead.

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    • Yeah girls at that age are kind of shallow, a buddy of mine dated a girl he liked in high school but her friends didn't think he was good enough for so she ended up dumping him it was a shame because he cool dude... I think people should be with ever makes them happy not based upon peoples judgment..

    • @Arthurred yeah, i know. It's stupid. And i dont understand why girls have a say on how attractive their friend's boyfriend is or isn't... i mean they aren't the ones dating that person

  • If i like a guy, if i am comfortable with him and my family is not then they shouldn't even confront me about it. I like the guy and i am comfortable with him. He is my partner, not theirs. They should respect who i am with. They already think i am a freak, so they should see it coming when i dont have a boyfriend up to their standards. The heart wants what the heart wants..

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  • No, because I don't give a shit about what people think, unless they're genuinely concerned because he's a murderer or something. But I really doubt I'd like a murderer if I knew about it.

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  • Never. It is my life and I have the right to date whomever I please. I couldn't care less about what people think about MY relationships. As long as I like the person that's all that matters to me.

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  • Yeah this guy who use to come into my store a lot. He'd ask me very deep thought-provoking questions. Which I'd never experienced with a guy. He also gave me a gift card to the movies. And lastly he gave me a plane ticket to Hawaii to join him. Unfortunately I'm 19 and this man is pushing 64. A young 64 but pushing it. I knew in my heart this was no good but I was so intrigued. So I told my friends and family and they ended it all for. They hunted him down and told him off. Haven't seen him since. #TrueStory

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  • No. Mostly because I never get asked out.
    But I have turned down a guy in middle school because I thought he was stupid. I mean yeah, he was cute and all but his personality wreaked of immaturity... and not the good kind. He had 2 girls ask me out for him first, then he got up afterwards and did it himself. I obviously said no. And then what do you know? Like barely two days later he asks out one of the girls he sent to ask me out for him... and she said YES! LOL

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  • I dated a guy 5 years older than me in high school. My current boyfriend is poor, Mexican, and wants to join the Air Force- which doesn't sit too well with my upper-middle class, white, Marine father. I tlf them they had to respect that who I date is ultimately my decision. It doesn't make them happy, but I'm happy, so fuck it :) I wouldnever let other people stand in the way of my happiness :)

    xx

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  • No not at all.. Whoever it was that didn't approve of my relationship with some guy was going to hate it, because when I'm set to be with someone, it's hard to change my mind (unless I do it).. Stubborn as ferk.. <-- and I'm kind of happy that I am stubborn in certain areas

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  • Yes, i comes from a middle eastern background and just the idea of "dating" isn't something that was really done very much... and i live in Canada. Not that i have anything against it but at least in high school i never really liked anyone enough, not because i have high standards but because i didn't want to casually date someone; i didn't want to try dating unless i really felt something. I always found the relationships people make just because they don't want to be alone or to have a date for (blank) i. e, prom, Valentine's, Christmas, new years... etc to be shallow and just the not for me. In high school i knew the minute i agreed to date someone the entire school would know and i would be looked down upon by other middle eastern class mates as "white-washed" and a "loose girl" and when my parents would find out (not an if a when because Arab girls would tell their moms and somehow that would reach my family) it would be a huge "shame" thing.

    Now i'm in university and if i find the right guy, even from a different culture, i wouldn't care. I would still definitely not tell my family though, but i'm not restricted to only finding someone from the same background anymore. I still don't care for casual dating, i'm waiting for the right guy, so whether it's lame that i've never dated and i'm 20 well i don't really care. I don't want to half ass it, i want something meaningful.

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  • Nope, but I've been turned down because the guy was afraid of what our friends would think, and boy that guy sure did regret that mistake later. I say, who cares what anyone thinks, if you like someone and they like you back, and you have a good time with them and they make you smile, nothing else should matter.

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  • No never. If anything my friends try to persuade me to drop a guy and obviously I tell them to shove off. There Taste has nothing to down with my relationship. They aren't dating him. They dont have to like him.

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  • I've never outright turned someone down but I've definitely dialed back my flirting and stuff because my friends thought the guy was beneath me or not a good match ( the latter is usually a good idea, the former i am a little embarrassed to admit). although i dont like to admit it, i do want to be in one of those relationships that other people view as ideal and adorable. there is something very appealing about being one half of a couple that everyone else is jealous of... so i haven't turned anyone down yet, but I guess i would... yeah definitely...

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  • No, if i like you i like you. What surpirises me is that the person actually liked me back! (that's new!)

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  • Um, yeah like omg!, like when I was in middle school! Duh

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  • I didn't reject him, but I never confessed to him. I really wish I had. I only told two friends, and they gave me such a hard time when I admitted to liking him that I was afraid to deal with everyone else if we ever did date. :/

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  • I have never turned down a guy based on Religion or Race. The one time I did turn someone down it was because I thought of everyone else expectations and not my own based on his personality and status. I truly regret being that shallow. And of course in the end the only one who lost out was myself.

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  • Nope, I never have.

    I'm sure my parents would've wanted me to at the time. But eventually all the jerks I knew my parents didn't like would show their jerky faces and break up with me in messed up ways.

    But as far as religion, race, etc goes… no. In fact, my current boyfriend is from a very poor family. I used to be upper-middle class but now I'm just middle class. We have our differences money-wise because of our upbringing but it'd never make me think of him less.

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  • First year of college I met this funny guy who eventually i found out my friends hated but i thought he was cool anyways so i kept hanging out with him secretly but didn't want my friends too know because i knew they would clown me non stop but eventually i realized he was a crazy stalker and had too let him go

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  • Even though i would reject him i would clearify why i rejected him not because i don't like him but something else and i think we will come to understand each other and find the right solution

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  • intrestingly I faced this last week, I went on a work night out with some of the lads and ended up kissing this guy (we'd been crushing and flirting for ages). When I went back to work everone found out even the managers hahahah. People kept asking why I'd kissed him cause he was "hideous" and "well below my league". I just had to say fuck you to everyone. I don't care what anoyone thinks. If you like someone you like someone. Looks don't matter.
    Also, everyguy I've dated my mum hasn't liked purely cause of working in jobs like asda. Seriously though, It's nothing to do with them.
    "Fuck you" is the key work here"

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  • Yes, I was afraid he didn't have any friends and that people would judge me dating him. I even asked him who he hung out with and he only named two guys that were like sort of geeks too. I felt really bad about judging him and even regretted when we stopped texting because I think I said something about not liking him when I really did only because I was afraid people would think I was weird or something if I dated him. I also think that way with age difference especially if the guy is 2 years younger than me or 5 years older than me. I'm always wanting to follow the crowd instead of being the leader. So yeah, I've missed some pretty good relationships with guys all because I cared what other people thought and let it get the best of me.

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  • Well the guy I`m going out with at the moment... he isn't anything special to anyone else. My family don`t like him, my friends don`t really like him but I do. I know that his family aren't to keen on my but somehow we managed to put what other people think to the side and just focus on our relationship.
    Sometimes people in the street will make comments saying that we shouldn't be together because we are not well matched but the truth is we are and people will always judge looks before they actually get to know the person

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  • Yes, I've done it. Sometimes it somehow seems the best thing to do. Almost everybody has some standards when it comes to relationships and sometimes it happens that I like a guy because of sth, but there are also some factors that put me back. If those factors are strong, I'd go look for another guy.

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  • Yes, it happens. I'm not proud of it, but I've done it.

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  • Yes because he is the kinda guy every one tells you he's just going to brake your heart and I've seen it happen with his ex and I didn't want to get hurt so I told him sorry no but I told him were it didn't embarise him. And I felt so bad and I really liked him and I thought what if I said yes would we be togetherright Now?:(

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  • I turned down a guy because he has bla big butt... And my friends were always joking about it. Once he sat on a chair at my friends place, and we heard a cracking noise... like the chair was breaking. My bestie said HOPEFULLY I SAVED THIS FURNITURES COUPON. I admit it was fun because that's exactly the type of jokes we make my friends and I. But I couldn't stand being the girl if a guy whose joked every minutes !

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What Guys Said 4

  • In my opinion, girls that reject a guy because of what other people think, are usually only looking for an accessory item... If a girl was truly interested in a guy, there'll be nothing that will stop her from being with him, if he wants her that is. Otherwise that's the only thing stopping, though she will try :)

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  • "ughh... my social status is in jeopardy. I can't let my popular, rich, beautiful, talented, "Friends" see me with this mutant." -Society in a nutshell.

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  • Only few girls do that...

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  • It'll happen. Ren Stevens turned down a man because he was really short (shorter than her) because she let what her friends get to her. Of course later on in the story she learned that she shouldn't let her friends get to her, so she said yes to him but at first, she said no, like I said

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