Is a friends with benefits the new way to start relationships?

Frequently on here I read about people, mostly women, who say they want a friends with benefits . However they want to talk to this person and get to know them. They get upset if they see posts on social media while ignoring her texts, or liking pics of other girls.

When I did the friends with benefits thing it was "wanna fuck"? "Yup". When we were done we went back to or lives. This was not someone that is relationship potential, it was a fuck buddy.

So is this how friends with benefits works now, it's a girls way of trying to get in for the relationship?

  • Yes, friends with benefits is how relationships start now
    14% (14)16% (14)15% (28)Vote
  • No, friends with benefits does not lead to relationships
    67% (69)58% (51)63% (120)Vote
  • Other, explain
    19% (20)26% (23)22% (43)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems to me as a friends with benefits arrangement is a woman's tool of manipulation to try and get a guy to commit to them. This is not the case for all women.

    If this is the new way of dating then I'll walk away from dating for good. It goes against my ethics and morals.

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What Guys Said 43

  • This is like asking if friendship leads to relationships.

    It can, and it's nice that there's a good connection in at least one area, but you need to connect in more areas AND both want a relationship for it to work.

    Guys have a good chance of turning their friends with benefits into relationships, while girls have a good chance of turning friendships into relationships. Not guaranteed, but a decent chance. For that reason 'friends first' is probably an okay strategy for women, and 'fwb first' an okay strategy for men.

    By contrast, most of the time women cannot turn friends with benefits into relationships, and men cannot turn friendships into relationships. There's a chance, and if its what they want, they should try, but it's sort of a longshot.

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  • For girls, the vast majority of the time, friends with benefits does NOT lead to a relationship. Sure, there is the occasional exception, but the odds are heavily stacked against that happening. The truth is that for most guys, even guys who are interested in relationships, if he's already getting sex AND he doesn't have the responsibilities, expectations, and limitations that come with a relationship, he has what in his mind is the best of all possible worlds, so why would he move that into a relationship? All that means is adding "liabilities" to the deal with few if any additional benefits.

    While many guys desire a relationship, MOST guys desire sex MORE than they desire a relationship, and if their sex desire is satisfied, the urgency for a relationship goes way, way down. Most girls desire relationships over sex (the opposite of most guys), and so they have trouble understanding why a guy wouldn't want a relationship, because they wrongly assume that guys have the same priorities that girls do. Well, they don't.

    friends with benefits relationships are great if both people genuinely want ONLY casual sex, with NO FURTHER EXPECTATIONS. But in real life, most women simply can't handle that (a few definitely can, sure) - women have biological processes (the release of the hormone oxytocin during sex) that cause them to bond to the person they're having sex with, and so even if they went into the friends with benefits convinced that all they wanted was casual sex, they develop feelings, and then get upset when the guy doesn't similarly develop feelings and doesn't want a relationship, even though she agreed from the beginning that she didn't want one. In short, most girls can't do friends with benefits successfully, and thus friends with benefits are a bad deal for most women, because they rarely lead to a real relationship - and that's the goal for most women.

    If a girl wants to EVER have a relationship with a guy, she cannot give him sex first.

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    • This is partially right... but the last part is very wrong.

      If you clarify that you are only FWB's and don't expect a relationship then it means that one person just does not find you as relationship material, but if you have sex before you make it official then relationship is still definitely a possibility.

      I've dated girls that I had sex with before we made it official, but I have never dated a girl that was just a friends with benefits . There is a difference.

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    • I didn't say that guys can't or don't bond - they definitely do. But, unlike women, for men, it isn't SEX that causes this to happen. Most men can have meaningless sex with random women and not get attached. Most women can't have sex without getting attached. That's the difference.

      And, Wes, I acknowledged that there are exceptions, but you'll find that the vast majority of the time, that what I've said is true.

    • Just want to add that the feeling of connection to the person you had sex with last ~3 days for girls. For guys, under 1 day, in some cases as low as 3 HOURS.

  • hahaa no. its not the "new way", not saying it can't happen but it hasn't replaced traditional dating yet.

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    • I don't think it will/can replace traditional dating as the way to start a relationship. Maybe one day casual sex leading to relationships will be the norm, but starting off wanting sex but explicitly not wanting a relationship could hardly be a normal precursor to a relationship.

    • @Bysshe to each their own. I've seen it NOT work plenty of times.

  • Well girls might agree to friends with benefits in hopes that it will turn into a relationship but more often than not it doesn't work out that way. The guy just sees them as "free pussy" and the moment it's not free anymore and she wants something serious, he'll probably move on to someone else.

    I'm not saying that it can't turn into something more, just that it's not likely.

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  • Women never want a true friends with benefits . It's just the less needy way of saying they want a boyfriend.

    When a woman says "I want a friends with benefits so bad!" she really means:
    "I want a tall handsome man who has a good job, will take me on dates, talk to me til I fall asleep, wish me good night and good morning, give me orgasms whenever I'm feeling horny, but always cuddles after so I don't feel like a slut, and doesn't sleep with anyone other than me."

    When men say "I want a friends with benefits so bad!" they mean:
    "I want an above average or better looking girl with a nice body to suck my dick when it gets hard, not expect me to spend money on her, worry if I'm being faithful, take up time from what I like to do, or even talk to me if I don't want to."

    Women want boyfriends without the title (because it scares men away), but men want unattached sex til they can find someone worth actually making their girlfriend.

    So when women say they want a friends with benefits , they mean they want a boyfriend that they don't call their boyfriend.

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  • My last couple of relationships have started this way. I was hanging out with a girl that I really liked but just hanging out then after we got involved we started hanging out more and somehow it became a sort of a relationship. But the interesting part is that anytime I've tried to get the any girl to comitte to a relationship even though they liked me and were itnerested somehow they got scared and notthing came out of it. But when it started with just hanging out and fooling around somehow it became some sort of a relationship leading me to belive that there is some kind of wide spread fear of relationships among women or something.

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  • It's a double edged sword.

    The time you spend casually bonding with someone can be way more powerful than dating people with the intention of choosing or rejecting each other depending on how much you like each other. This can really work if you're a man and you want a woman because the sex comes with her emotions.

    However, for women I would advise against it. You're asking a man who's already sleeping with you to give up his freedom and start a relationship. Essentially you've already used your ace. The fact that if a man is exclusive with you he can have sex with you. So if you want a relationship all you're offering is the same thing minus his freedom. From a man's point of view this is not a better deal that what he previously had with her.

    This book talks all about this kind of stuff - www.etsy.com/.../how-to-get-men-of-value

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  • With the advent of online dating it seems to strongly point that way: "without a verbal commitment assume nothing"

    Perhaps it's sound advice when navigating those waters; however, it doesn't mean you need to be bound by those things. You can find another way or a better way that suits you. Don't allow the environment to necessarily control you!

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  • It's certainly how a lot of people TRY to start relationships, but that doesn't mean it works.

    There was a question a few days ago from a girl who was upset that her friends with benefits wouldn't engage in conversation with her and be emotionally close like they were before they started fucking, but then turned around and said she didn't want a relationship.

    Huh? O. o A lover who is emotionally attentive outside of bed is a boyfriend dummy.

    Friends with benefits doesn't mean you're regular friends outside of bed who fuck, it's a euphemism for fuck buddies. Fucking your friends kills your friendships.

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  • How does friends with benefits even start out of interest?

    I mean there is a super hot girl from work who my mind goes blank with, but now I have her number. I want to at least be her friend.

    Thoughts?

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  • Honestly, friends with benefits is the worst way for anything. Not only is it just immoral, but it solely acts on hormones and not actual feelings. A relationship should have love and care, respect and honesty. Friends with benefits is just a way for both to feel pleasure without any strings, and with no care, meaning that your "other" can and will go to other girls. It's very simple, to the point, and very very dumb. Worst way for anyone to get along in life to be honest, so no, friends with benefits is by far the worst way to get into a real relationship.

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    • It is so refreshing to hear this opinion from the younger generation!. I used to think like this when I was young and still do!.

  • judging from the poll... being no friends with benefits doesn't not lead to relationships. i totally have to agree. all my relationships started like this...

    then i have dated girls i have liked so much and not slept with them because i though they would respect me and like me more because i said no sex because im getting to know them and like them and see them as more then just sex or meat. and it all goes well but then one girl after few dates took off and left and i never got to root or sleep with her and i thought wow i wish i had of just fucked her now

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    • Never turn down sex with someone you want to have sex with unless they have an STD. you're just wasting time if you do.

    • yeah i know, i took advice from someone saying if you like them dont have sex with them straight away. and now they gone and i never know lol

  • If you want it to end up in flames and utterly destroyed, then that's way to start, yes.

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  • While it may on occasion lead into a relationship, I don't think that that is the norm (or ever will be), casual sex early on (or even before a relationship) may be becoming more common - but having sex and not wanting a relationship can hardly be a normal precursor to a relationship.

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  • No, it is just the fact that people are more open about sexuality nowadays. If you think people in the 60s didn't have friends with benefits than your nuts. And yes I'm sure many of them did turn to relationships just like now. It's just that now people are willing to talk about this.

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  • What do you think?
    Of course not

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  • Maybe for some, yeah, not for me. I'd take a relationship any day over that.

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  • That's it, we're all fuct! The relationship has to come first in order to build a real bond close enough for intimacy. Once you have intimacy then you can have sex.

    Just to clarify I'm speaking of within a relationship context, not meaningless banging.
    anyone can bang, but if you really want a real connection you have to be a little old fashioned in your approach.

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  • Not for me

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  • started well for me, but when I wasn't "satisfying" her enough, she went to her other guy on her list and hooked up with him and stayed with him

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  • I started to notice it about 5 years back. It seems like a way to try and trap a guy you like. Offer sex soon after meeting and then try and finago It into a relationship.

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  • Hell no because if I'm just having sex with a girl everyday and we aren't together and she's okay with it, I don't see her as potential anything!

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  • People don't get into a friends with benefits with a relationship in mind, they try it out because they want sex.

    However, more often than not, feelings do evolve and eventually one of the people involved in the friends with benefits will want a relationship.

    I voted C.

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  • I truly believe it depends on the connection to the person. Sometimes I think a girl or guy will just say yes to being fuck buddies for physical attraction. The problem becomes that one out of the two just says yes but can become overly attracted to the other. Thats when eventually feelings develop which becomes a problem. We are all humans and have feelings. At first its fun and games until somebody gets hurt.

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  • I think it depends.

    If both are able to separate sex from love then, there's no "problem" really.
    Whether it's the start of a relationship is often determined by the feelings of both before the friendship+ even begins.

    If two friends think about doing this only for the fun, they should both reconsider if they connect love with sex.

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  • I sure hope not... thats stupid...

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  • It can, but it can also fuck shit up. It o my takes one of you two to decide you want the same thing ( friends with benefits) with someone else. Then the other person is lost n confused... I guess unless the communication is in tip top shape.

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  • It's an easy way to get attention, nothing more.

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  • i see it happen sometimes

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  • Uh no. I would rather start a relationship the normal way. You know, actually talking and getting to know someone.

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What Girls Said 38

  • I think a lot of them do it because they want a relationship and think this is the only way the other person will agree to possibly date them but it usually doesn't work out.

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  • I totally agree with you!
    I recently made a take about the friends with benefits relationship.
    People involve themselves way too much emotionally, which is why things go wrong.

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  • friends with benefits is usually a mutual understanding between two people to fulfill physical needs. If you are hoping a relationship will come out of it, don't hold your breathe. From what I know it usually leads to awkwardness and someone developing feelings, or someone who jumped into the relationship hoping the other party could see them as a potential bf/gf. It leads to more heartache then anything else, I would just steer clear of them altogether.

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  • People have sex on the first date ir hook up then start dating... But nit with the intention if not dating.

    Having sex and see where it goes or being surprised that ounwant it to go somewhere is entirely different then consciously engaging in a relationship that for all intents and purposes is ONLY sex.

    friends with benefits the way it's supposed to go is two oeopke who know each other but are not romsntically intersted yet gave eniugh attraction to make sex palatable agree to just sex.

    However there are many variables that complicate things. Esoecuallespecially when people are not honest.

    A you want sex but don't want a rekationship. You don't not want a rekationship with your friends with benefits you just don't want a rekationship atm. If things changed you nay or may not want a relationship with them. if they were intersted. This may turn into a rekationship if things just fell into place eventually.

    B you may want a rekationship in general you specifically do not want a relationship with that person but you want sex. This will not turn into a relationship even if you both want a relationship ultimately.

    C you both are intersted in each other but for whatever reason dint want a relationship atm. This could turn into a rekationship bc youve got the ingrediants you just need the right timing... However bc you already like each other if you're both not ready at the exact same time feelings would be hurt and someone would move on.

    D. You both secretly want a rekationship but won't admit it. This would seem ideal potential except a relstionship starting on lies rarely works out.

    F. One if you is D and one if you is B and D lied about just wanting sex. One if you strictly wants sex and one just hopes it goes somewhere. This will not turn into a relationship.

    Of course in all of the no chance there's a slight chance it's just unlikely.

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    • ason friends with benefits don't seem to work is bc there are so many different reasons and people are often pretending it's simply bc they just want sex.

      I think if two people REALLY just want sex and are not romantically intersted in each other and are completely honest about their intentions than friends with benefits xan work as friends with benefits . I think if it's a friends with benefits fir any other readin thsn just wanting exVp, then it's casual dating under another ame. And that's why it diesnt wirk as friends with benefits bc it usnt. Not bc friends with benefits diesnt work.

      A car doesn't work if you try to ride it like a by cycle. That doesn't mean either the car nor the bike is broken. Just means you're a funny monkey and need to do a reality check , get off the car , and get on your bike:)

    • One turned into dating usnt friends with benefits turned into dating. Sex on the first date and continued dating jsnt friends with benefits turned into dating. Random sex turned into dating jsnt friends with benefits turned into dating.

      friends with benefits turned into dating is when two people honestly dont want a rekationship with each other only want sex then later on decide to date.

      friends with benefits is notstarting out with sex then seeing where it gives bc you're too cautious and protective if your feelings to admit you do or may want more.

      I think the way friends with benefits is done should more commonly be known as the game if " chicken" .

      Everyone's just waiting till the other breaks down first.

      .

    • I think if you just want sex then just say you just want sex and leave out the titles. Titles like friend zone just make people feel like there's wiggle room for the " relstionship" to evolve. You dont want a rekationship if you really don't then no reason to name it. in my opinion

      I think the vast majority of people entering friends with benefits are not honest about their intentions and that's why it seems to not work. Not bc someone " caught feelings " along the way, but bc there was not honesty to begin with.

  • friends with benefits is not meant to lead to dating. An friends with benefits is suppose to be your friend who you find attractive enough to have sex with and be sexual with but you don't picture yourself getting married, having kids etc. with them.

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    • But an friends with benefits is not just an aquantince, you have something with them, it friendly relationship though, not a romantic one.

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    • IOW friends with benefits = Free Prostitute

    • @FatherKnowsBest not at all, a prostitute is generally someone you have no relationship with, a friends with benefits is someone you do have a relationship with, it just isn't a romantic one and it also is generally never closed meaning you are not committed to that person.

  • To me, it's truly a "friends" with benefits kind of thing. I want to be friends with them as well as have sex with them. It seems more fun that way. So I do want the conversations, and the texting, and the random surprise gifts, and the listening ear, etc. as well as the sex. What I do NOT want is a date to weddings and funerals, a person I am expected to be with on holidays, someone I have to share bills and expenses with or do laundry for. I don't want to talk about kids, marriage, retirement, family or religion. I don't wsnt to have to be committed just to him. I don't wsnt to feel guilty for flirting with other men. Two or three times a month, I want to spend nine hours having sex with him during the day, and then we part ways. Until next time. I just want the fun. Not the deep, heavy, tedious parts of a true relationship. And if I end up loving him from a distance... well, the sex is even better. Life is so much better with the right friends with benefits . Everyone deserves to have at least one.

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    • Gifts are for relationships and 9 hours, don't you have a job?

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    • FWB's don't give gifts, unless they're sexual, or it's your birthday/christmas. Random gifts are for relationships.

      Seems like you want an open relationship, not a friends with benefits

    • Fair enough! :) I am apparently breaking lots of rules here. Call it friends with benefits , call it f. buddies, call it an open relationship. Call it a waffle if you want, I don't care. Rules and boundaries are different for everyone. Couples, and individuals, just need to find what works best for them. Don't worry so much about labels or about how society says relationships 'have' to be built. Have some fun!

  • No, friends with benefits hardly ever turn into a relationship. There are just a lot of girls who foolishly expect them to.

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  • In my experience, all of my friends with benefits lead to a relationship later on (not by my doing just to throw that out there) but what got me is the cuddling. A real friends with benefits dynamic really shouldn't cuddle, that's where I started getting some "relationship" ideas, not the sex. If there was no kissing, hugging or touching away from the sex, I probably would have had a successful friends with benefits . And I'm a very monogomous person, so when I find out that they're even hanging out with another girl, I would like them to let me know (I think it's gross if they're sleeping with someone else in the same time span) I think it's more complicated than just having a relationship.

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  • Both A and B, or depends on you/them. Some people don't have time for dating, but sex becomes a need and then you get attached. That's how mine started.

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  • Sometimes a relationship starts with a hookup or a few hookups but I would say that an actual full out friends with benefits situation rarely leads to a relationship.

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  • Fuck buddies are just that. Someone you fuck on a fairly regular basis (as opposed to a one night stand). They aren't meant for exclusivity.

    Although I need to have a talking to with some people who all assume my fuck buddy and I are dating... not my fault we hang out at the same bar. I'm not going to change my habits just so people don't put two and two together. I like my bar and my bartenders, and that's that. The fuck buddy is for entertainment purposes only.

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  • Maybe... Actually, it all depands on u. If u wanna start a relationship with that kind, u can do that. After u date withbur friend, u may emotionally involved him and start a relationship. But if u don't feel excited about him, u jave nothing to do at all. So it's all about ur decision. But in my opinion, starting every new relationship with friends with benefits is not a right way. A true relationship starts with attraction, excitement, love, etc. I think friends with benefits is a kinda creating a relationship easily and quickly.

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  • friends with benefits is a way of guaranteeing no relationship!!!

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  • Obviously having sex will lead to feelings in a lot of cases, but you have to think about why you want a friends with benefits and how you feel about relationships. It's not the "new way" to start relationships because plenty of people don't want a friends with benefits but still have relationships, and some friends with benefits don't lead to relationships. It's not the "new way" because it's not replacing anything, nor is it new.

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  • People who wants friend with benefit want see but a lot of women I'm met confuse it for the girlfriend experience. Being with someone that you don't have to commit to. That's where it get confusing. Fab is sex plain an simple. If you get to know this person that's when feeling arise, I had a rule when I was doing the friends with benefits things. No kissing because that to me is much more intimate and if you feel anything else for me then lust it's over. May sound harsh but i knew what I wanted and putting those rules out there actually helped.

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  • the thing is that for guys it's just a fuck buddy as you said but girls fall easily and they end up getting hurt
    cause see when they start it they always think of the posibility that the guy fall too and they get into a relationship while the truth is that the guy only wants to fuck

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  • The point is what it is. You're getting the benefits without the commitment. It isn't q movie. You both agreed it was no strings so that's whatvit is. Although, sometimes you can become close but not in a lets hangout / go out way.

    Ps if you don't want to get hurt when they don't go with other people then my advice is to leave before you have to watch them with other people and crawl to you when they've no other bang buddy. Either that or suck it up and accept you are just a shag. You're nothing special. Sorry

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    • Whoa why so angry? You realize this was a question inspired by posts I saw on here. I don't have a friends with benefits .

  • Friends with friends lead to sadness for women, not a relationship.

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  • That's a duck buddy. Fwbs are different. They talk frequently and the sex is mutual.

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  • being religious, atheist, rigid and broad... we have different school of thoughts... its best thing if you are best friends in start... Having lots of experiences in life, I think; couple meditation is very very important.. or may be we focusing on things that we don't have in our recipe... lol

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  • I wouldn't choose to do the friends with benefits thing because i know that i just wouldn't like that kind of relationship. I think that from the getgo you should make clear BEFORE YOU GET PHYSICALLY INTIMATE that you either a) just want to bang like bunnies or b) bang like bunnies IN LOVE

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  • Friends w benefits is for people to sleep around. I don't want to be with a man who wants to just be friends yet still get some cookies. And men I know don't want a girlfriend who does friends w benefits because that normally means they get around. Friends w benefits is just that friends who hit it and quit it

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  • Freinds with benefits does not lead to relationships

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  • I guess sometimes it could lead to a relationship but more often than not it doesn't lead to anything.

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  • No, it's the new way to look stupid and used. Trying out pussy before an actual relationship is only to the benefit of total failure.

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  • friends with benefits Never leads to anything good Because one of you will catch feelings that's a sure thing. Its like saying your good enough to have sex with but not be in a relationship with.

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  • Nope never

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  • Nope absolutely not.

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  • fwb's are sex partners who u are friends with. if he wanted 2 date u he should have fuckin asked.

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    • Whoa why so angry? You know this is a question based on posts I've read on here. I don't have a friends with benefits .

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    • So do I. I'm not a youngin anymore so I wondered if this is how things are done now. Thanks for your answer :-)

    • no problem. :)

  • absolutely not

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