Being "picky" when it comes to dating? Does anyone agree with me here?

We've all heard the debate about which gender is more "picky" and I'm sure we've encountered a time when someone was told they are too "picky" and should lower their standards.

To me, that sounds silly.

When it comes to finding a mate, you are supposed to be picky.
I'm not saying you should require a specific height, weight, hair color, job title, salary, ethnic background, etc etc, but you ARE supposed to know what you like and desire in a mate and SEEK it.

Saying that someone is picky when it comes to dating sounds as if we are supposed to just "take what you can get." It reminds me of the saying "beggars can't be choosers."

You are not supposed to just accept anyone who comes your way as a boyfriend or girlfriend. After all most people date in order to find a husband or wife and you don't spend the rest of your life with just anyone.

I would rather be alone than date someone I don't like! Plain and simple. What's even the point of dating someone you don't like?

A while back a cute kid asked me out.
He was cute, yeah, but also overweight, too young for my tastes, had the vocabulary of a 7th grader, and smoked a lot of dope.
I rejected him. I did not like him in any way, physically, emotionally, whatever.

And a few friends of mine told me I was being picky. That's not being picky. That's me refusing to date a person I do not like!

Is that really a difficult concept to understand?

Do you agree?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been told that I'm too picky far too many times. By my family, friends, even sometimes I begin to believe it. But, like you, I don't see the point in investing my heart into someone I have no interest in. I feel like all I ever do is reject guys (that sounds super conceited actually and it's not meant to be) and it's not that I don't like them, but when I like someone and see a potential relationship with them, I just know.

    I do understand that sometimes you have to give people a chance to see if your feelings grow, but I know what I like, I know what I'm looking for and I don't see the point in continuing to see someone that I don't really have a connection with just in case maybe I'll want to be with him some day.

    Connections are important. It's what draws people together and keeps people together. I'm not looking for that "spark", but a genuine connection You can tell pretty early on if it's there. I think it's worth being a little bit picky and waiting for a connection like that with someone special. Why waste time and emotion on someone if your heart isn't in it? When you meet the right person, you just know. There is no question.

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What Guys Said 6

  • I rather wait 2 years and get the perfect ten in my eyes than have 5 sevens from a scale of 1 out of 10 in my view.

    I even have a list of things my perfect girl would have (and she don't have to have 100%). Then I have out of those top 10 a top 3 and those top 3 are a MUST. Now i'll mingle here and there, even though I'll still be picky. But I REfUSE to settle with someone who I view isn't my ideal girl. If I can't get her now then I'll work on myself (personality, style, look, mentality) so that I can attract a girl that fits those criteria. I rather be alone than be with someone I don't like because I at least like myself

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    • Well, I was talking more about personality wise than physically. I will admit that I think only dating "perfect 10s" is shallow but hey whatever floats your boat

    • 10 in my eyes by the overall package relating to looks, but also personality, outlook on life, and the chemistry. You misunderstood me

  • The thing is... most girls that are too "picky", usually are the ones that "require a specific height, weight, hair color, job title, salary, ethnic background, etc etc"

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    • Guys who can't get a gf like to tell themselves that girls are just too picky but in reality 95% of girls don't have those requirements.

    • I fully agree, I feel people should put more thought into what flaws they are willing to deal with, rather than thinking solely about what THEY want.

  • females are naturally more picky and males are naturally more competitive. the reason being that males can have a much larger amount of offspring in a life time, where as females can only have a certain amount. forcing women to be more cautious.

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    • Cool yes I know. Irrelevant

  • Biologically, females are the more selective sex in our species, so yes, I believe in girls being picky.

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    • That was not the question at all.

    • Ok, my bad, sorry. No, I don't think that's picky! If you mean dating in a serious way, date people you want to date, not people who are easy! (But they might be the same thing sometimes...)

  • You should be picky to a degree, but if you're too picky then you will never find anyone

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  • Depends whether or not your expectations are realistic, if they aren't you may get lucky or you might end up waiting around forever!

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    • Right, like I said in the question specific and meaningless requirements are stupid so yeah

    • Ultimately it's down to whether or not your expectations are realistic for you to achieve, there will be people out there who meet your criteria but they might not be interested. The league system isn't nice but it's real.

What Girls Said 4

  • Nope, not at all. I wasted too much time lowering my standards for boys just so I could have someone to be with. As soon as I realized I deserved better and had been through enough with people (guys) who treated me like shit, especially my last relationship, I found someone who treats me with respect and hasn't made me doubt/feel bad about myself. <3

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    • I'm glad! That's awesome

    • I do believe that some people can be too picky i. e. wanting a model as a gf when they don't even know of any models around them. I feel like having standards of what you want isn't exactly "looking down" on other people who don't match up to them, but if their personality doesn't suit yours, or they live a different lifestyle than you, then there's no point in dating if you guys aren't compatible. It's all about compatibility.

    • I agree with you.
      One guy above said he'll only date perfect 10s, and that of course is shallow. I think you should only date people you're attracted to but if you're only attracted to flawless beauties you should revisit your priorities and see what's going on.

  • I agree, you should be picky to an extent, you should have requirements of a potential partner but you should also have other things you are flexible with. Two requirements I think should be everyone's requirement is physical attraction and complimenting/cooperative personalities (you get along well with the person).

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  • I'm very picky just want the best for myself

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  • Look here's the thing.

    Every person on this planet, is capable of love, emotion, and has some kind of talent or the other. It's wrong to look down on someone, which you're pretty much doing.

    Tomorrow, you could go through a phase of your life that leaves you so frustrated that you start to gain weight, and that would be karma; see you can't judge people bcause we never know what's going to happen in our lives.

    You are correct, however, that we get to CHOOSE who we want to date/be with; and if we simply don't like someone, that's fair. It's our choice.

    Sometimes I'll hear of women who say that so and so guy left them after a while, to find someone more educated, and I'll be thinking, well weren't you into that guy for his education/money anyways? Otherwise, why not date someone of your own education/earning capabilities? So hypothetically, if you were in that guy's place, would you date you?

    A lot of the times the people I see complaining about the world being judgmental are the ones who are a) the most judgmental themselves, and b) just too much of a sissy to tough it out, and accept it for what it is.

    I think we should expect from others, what we expect from ourselves, and if you are expecting someone to be more like you that's fine. It doesn't give you the right to look down on someone, but it IS a valid claim.

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    • I am not looking down on anyone. Just because I didn't want to date him doesn't mean I look down on him. I'm not sure where you got that from.

      By your own logic, then, there's absolutely no reason to ever NOT date someone who asks. According to you its shallow to dislike someone romantically for not being smart, and also shallow for not being into overweight people.

      The purpose of a relationship is to be with someone you love, care about, and click with, on a physical and emotional level.
      I don't click with people who are not smart. I just don't. That does not make me shallow nor wrong.

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    • No, look I don't know what your interactions with him were like, maybe they were polite, maybe they weren't, maybe the guy felt bad, maybe he didn't.

      The point is the rejection should have been done in the most sensitive way possible, taking care that he didn't feel he wasn't good enough. This feeling of not being good enough can drive someone insane, I can't explain it.

      Maybe you did reject him nicely, I don't know. Like I said forget it, we're likely not going to agree on this

    • Your problem here is assuming things.

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