Has he lost interest? How do I address decline in communication and mixed signals?

I got out of a 10 year relationship last year, so I'm sorry if I have the dating skills of a 23 year old. I've been seeing a guy (38) for 3 months. I'm 33. We did dates & sleepovers 3x/week for over a month. He never missed a Fri or Sat & he loved sleeping in with me. Brunch days were getting longer as he found excuses to hang out longer. He wanted to check up on me throughout the day and talk to me on the phone some nights. Even when busy, he wrote things like,"Crazy day, just wanted to see how you're doing" If I went running, he'd eagerly join me.

After he went through a depression during Christmas, things changed. He talks to me for only a few minutes during the day before he begins replying with one word (Cool, LOL), lazy sentences (Enjoy movie), or stops replying. He stays engaged in convos only sporadically or after 12am (we're both night owls. Topics are superficial: movies, music) He rarely asks about my day anymore and is vague about his ("I relaxed"). He backed out of a party event he had invited me to, which is at the end of the month, said he realized he has a race that day. Which means he's been running without inviting me along like he used to.

He stopped spending Fri & Sat with me. He has been "sick" or "depressed" for the past 3 weekends and is only willing to see me Sun night. On Fri & Sat, he talks to me all evening until he's ready for bed. I don't get why he'd rather watch Netflix alone and chat with me online than enjoy Sat morning with me.

He still chats with me before going to bed, writes good morning & night, responds quickly when I initiate contact, calls me by the nickname he gave me, and initiates dates 50/50. He's very affectionate but emotionally distant now. One new thing is that while falling asleep, even if no sex was had, he hugs me tight and says "I love you so much" or "I love you, I need you." In the day, he just says "I care about you lots". So it's confusing. How can I address the changes without pushing him away?


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What Guys Said 1

  • He's probably telling you the truth about still being in a depression. I'm totally disabled because of it. I know it well. There's nothing you can do about it. Urge him to see a psychiatrist and get treatment. This is a disease that is potentially deadly. Think Robin Williams.

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