Do I tell him I cheated even though I didn't know we were dating?

I met two guys on a dating site. Lets call them guy A and B. I got really drunk at guy A's place and we hooked up but then I went on holiday break for a month since I'm in college. (But I hadn't met guy B in person at this point.) So I didn't see either guy for about a month. I kept talking to both via text or phone calls and made plans to meet after the break. I got really close to guy B during the break and we talked about how we would both like a relationship eventually so I took him more seriously. Fast forward, I finally return and I meet guy B in person for the first time and we really hit it off. We hooked up that night but I didn't sleep over. The next day I saw guy A and we messed around then that night I went back to guy B's place and stayed the night. Well, the next day I asked guy B if we were friends with benefits. He said he thought we were already in a relationship!! I was very happy but then felt horrible for not knowing. I'd cheated on him with the other guy!! So I told guy A why I couldn't see him anymore and he got super upset with me. Should I feel guilty for what I did to guy A? He never clearly said he wanted a relationship so I assumed we were just hooking up... And also, should I tell my boyfriend that I messed around with the other guy? I'm afraid I'll ruin our new relationship and he'll never forgive me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • What the heck? This is confusing, how did he come to the conclusion that you were both in a relationship? Did he ask the question? Or answered it?

    It feels like something here was skewed towards your idea/perception, like you changed some facts, but that's just a feeling and you can dispute that.

    What I think might have happened is, somehow you and guy B agreed to something and BAM were in a relationship. You met guy A again and messed around with him because of whatever reason, then felt guilty about it and here you are with this question.

    That's just my bullshit suspicion of course, but if that were the case, my answer would be... wtf?

    But if you had no idea you were dating, and what you typed happened as such, then THERE WASN'T A RELATIONSHIP. Then just tell him, I didn't know we were in a relationship already, I didn't agree to that, could we please start again?

    This no strings attached hooking up stuff is totally out of my comfort zone though, I mean, you're clearly not ready for anything serious, otherwise you'd have figured out what you want and work towards that.

    Tossing your body around is pretty much an immature mind mired in imaginary self-importance. It's basically not even putting your best in the relationship you might have in the future. Unless you gained something worth far more than the time, effort, and emotions put into sleeping around, it's pretty much borrowing from whatever you can give in the future to pay for short term pleasures now.

    Think about how you would feel if your future husband marries you with enough wealth for a small house and a dog, but finding out that had he spent spent lots of money hooking up with other girls instead when he was younger.

    e. g. That time could've been spent on GAG learning about how to deal with various relationship dilemmas than adding some really useless questions about problems that almost no one else would have asked.

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What Guys Said 27

  • I'm not sure what kind of relationships you think you're in but generally both people (in a relationship) agree that they are in a relationship. They also usually have some sort of mutual understanding of the ground-rules for the relationship. Given that you have done neither it seems unfair of him to assume that you were already in a relationship. That won't stop him from being upset but there is little you could have done to prevent it outside of talking to him about it and not being promiscuous. Good luck!

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  • lol you can't cheat if you don't know you're even together with someone!

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  • Strictly a judgement call that depending on his personality will be a good thing or blow up in your face. I can see him being understanding since you technically was single and free to play the field and you had the guts to be honest and tell him. Or he could me more like me feel a bit betrayed that not only where you talking to others without my knowledge but fucking them to and then kissing and seeing me the same day. I would feel kinda cheap and disgusted by it and probably not want to be with you. However that's just me. I think a lot of guys will be more like understanding.

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    • I think he would probably blow up in my face and feel disgusted, I know I would. So I think I'll keep this one to myself. Thanks for your insight!

  • Sounds like guy B is going too fast, and if you didn't establish a relationship you did nothing wrong. You don't need to tell him because you didn't cheat. So it is none of his business. But now that you are in a relationship, you should stop seeing guy A sexually. However, I would tell guy B to slow down and just date casually and see other people for now until it gets more serious.

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  • Ok, well two things. Number one, No, because if that relationship last at all it will be a miracle on it's on.
    Now number two, if he never asked you out, or anything like that then you should not feel bad nor worry about it. However on the other hand, he may be a normal guy with dirty thoughts, and love the idea of you being naughty, sexually, or sharing you, so it would be a question to ease into. Most guys lie about how much they want to have sex with a naughty girl aka (the dirty slut) but lets be honest, HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING LAID if every guy thinks she is nasty. Guys lie trying to save face, but most want to sleep with her, unless she has a disease.

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  • Tell him. It will come out eventuAlly so now is better

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  • Personally, I think he is better off not knowing. If he asks, don't lie, but regardless men don't like imagining other fuck the same girl they are fucking. Don't bring attention to it, or he might let it eat him up inside. Sounds like a dweeb if he thought you were in a monogamous relationship after one hook up, and not staying the night.

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  • My opinion.. Sorry if it's mean. In the same week. You had physical actions with guy A and then intercourse with guy B. I think within a 2 or 3 day time period. That's kinda you know. Misleading and not good? Wouldn't you think it would be a bad idea from the start. Of course guy A is pissed at you because he's thinking. "We had sex and also just a few says ago we were just messing around. She never liked me nor cared" yes guys think like this too girls.
    But don't take my advise.. It says I'm under 18 Also. No don't tell him anything about guy A. It'll ruin it between you two. And it wasn't cheating. He never asked you out and you never asked him out. (Not cheating.)

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    • A few days.*** oops.

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    • Thanks. And it's good you did that and didn't let it go on longer. That's good for you. But another opinion. You are letting guys take advantage of you before week 1 is over. Take it slow. But in some situations. It okay to go fast.

    • Ya, I'll take it slower and be more careful with peoples' feelings next time.

  • WTF? I say you break it up with your B' as well. You don't seem to take this seriously. Just sleeping here and there when you get the chance.

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  • normally i'm all for telling things. But here maybe not, I mean if you don't have a conversation about it I don't think you have a relationship tbh. These days hooking up isn't something that means your bf and gf anymore. People who aren't bf and gf hook up all the time so it does need to be said in a way before it is official i think.

    On a side note. You shouldn't juglle them around so closely to each other. It's sorta disrespectful You sleep with one guy, next day you sleep with the other and that same nigth you return back to guy 1... That's a bit mean tbh even if you weren't in a relationship with any of them at the time.

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  • your young and the chance of you marrying this guy and spending the rest of your life with him is slim. So why hurt his feelings? you really didn't do anything wrong.. you met the guy once before seeing your other friend.. Unless you both are dating and exclusive then he can't expect you not to see other people..

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  • I would not keep this a secret for long, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. Let me explain, if you wait until much later, and then tell him, then he will most likely be pizzed that you did not tell him early, and he may or may not take it soo well.
    But if you tell him early then he will most likely not be angry about it for long, since you told him about it instead of keeping this a secret for your self.

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  • damn you are one active girl

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  • don't say anything

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  • Say nothing bury the body. Or do the so how many partners have you been witg and when thing.

    Overall id ask him first how he would feel if you had slept wuth other guys before him

    personally Id keep your mouth shut until he asks.

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  • Yes you should feel guilty about guy A. But in this case guy B doesn't need to know. If he asks don't lie but since you weren't sure at the time what the relationship was I don't think it's cheating

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  • I say tell him and let him chose what to do. I would not feel guilty though as you did not know. But openness and honesty makes for a better relationship. Even if it was not defined at the time.

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  • Since there's is no formal declaration of relationship to both guys during your hooked ups so therefore your your actions are pure slutty only and you have done no mistakes to both parties.

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  • Don't feel guilty, you just tell him you had Fling before the relationship started, which you cut off when things became serious between the two of you.
    Bury the juicy stuff deep down and he'll never know. Problem solved

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  • No. Plain and simple.

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  • No don't tell him anything what he don't know won't hurt

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  • Have a three some wit him with one of your hot girlfriend's and tell him them

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  • No and how does that happen?

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  • you aren't cheating, you are just a slut, i could never hook up with more than 1 girl, if im busy with 1 girl, i stay with that 1 girl, something about trust and loyalty. and being smart, if you want to end up having STD's, also find guy c till Z , good job you fucked the whole alphabet.

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  • Sticky situation. Technically, you didn't know what it was, but at the same time, if you two had sex, you probably should've addressed the situation since you were clearly into him and he was clearly into you. Could have at least taken a day to think about it before sleeping with someone else.
    Personally, based on this story, I'd say that it sounds like neither guy A nor guy B sounds incredibly important to you.

    Been through something similar, though a bit more complicated, and I absolutely wish that girl had never been in my life. Be careful how you treat people you claim are important to you.

    ~And before anyone goes on the "it's sounds like you're judging her for her decision, but girls should be allowed to--", No. I don't care if she's a girl. She could be a man. She could be God. I'm not saying having sex is wrong, but nothing is right about this; so wrong is wrong, regardless of who does it.

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  • You were not actually in the relationship. I would not bring it up.

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  • I would hope my partner could be honest with me... no matter what it was

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What Girls Said 20

  • From Point A, from where I am sitting here, dear, You were Never in Any relationship with 'A Or B,' so you have Nothing to Feel Guilty about with either one. B just assheartedly assumed 'We were already in a relationship,' and when you went 'Back to guy B's place and stayed other night,' Nothing was mentioned, Only Assumed on his part the next day when you brought up to B----Friends with benefits.
    You have made your decision now who you really want to be with. By dropping A, who you didn't want to be unfair to, nor Cheat, and I do not mean 'Cheat with,' you are letting him go to begin what has been clarified and verified by B now who is----My boyfriend. A never made any Commitment with you, Bottom line... he snooze, he lose.
    No, let sleeping dogs lie. You did nothing wrong. You will only find that you barked up the wrong tree by opening your yap that doesn't need to be unleashed and Only will land you in the doghouse with No one Just-----C, which is Commitment free now and with no one.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Thank you! I feel so much better now.

    • You are so welcome.. happy to oblige.:)) xxoo

  • You were not in a relationship, so you did not cheat. For there to be a relationship, both people involved should actually be AWARE of it. If one of them is unaware of the fact that the other person thinks they're together, they're not truly together. You can't be together with someone who hasn't agreed on being together, that's impossible.
    I personally probably wouldn't tell him because I wouldn't feel the need to, in my head we were not together at that point yet since no official discussion had occurred before that. But if you feel guilty about it or really want to talk about it, then go ahead. Simply explain to him that you hadn't truly talked about it, only had a vague discussion about a possible future, hence you weren't aware of the fact that he thought you were actually together. Then you can explain to him that you messed around with another guy for a short while, because you didn't know. In my opinion, he doesn't have the right to be upset over this. It's obvious that you didn't have a clear discussion about your status, and it's obvious that you wouldn't have messed around with that other guy if you had truly been aware of the situation.
    You were pretty tactless with both of these guys, though. This is why I think that you shouldn't mess around with multiple people if you're actually looking for a relationship. It only makes things complicated, and a lot of people might end up being hurt in the process.

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  • You can't hold yourself accountable to them. From what you've written You were all just hooking up and having fun. Now that the question CLEARLY defines the boundary don't fuck it up with unnecessary drama. Just keep it moving forward and don't sleep with guy A. start your relationship & remember NO ONE is a mind reader. If you assume something you make an ass out of you. So always ask the relationship? Then you know exactly where you're heading.

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  • Bruhhh don't tell him. Like I'm all for honesty, but dude's take that being cheated on shot worse than chick's from my knowledge. But at the same time if he you didn't even know you two were together then it shouldn't be a problem. .. buttttt B sounds like he probably wouldn't like what you have to say and A just wanted the 😼😹kitten lol. I say play it like O. J and keep quiet seriously. Don't even hint or joke about it. stop talking to A as well.

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  • If u didn't know u were dating then it wasn't a relationship. So u weren't cheating so don't say anything

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  • It isn't cheating if there isn't a real relationship, status or care for one another like that. Ahhhh this drives me nuts, if someone wants a relationship then ASK if you don't ASK then how will either know for sure like communication is key. If there isn't anything there there is misunderstanding, drama, confusion and assumptions grrrrrr.

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  • yes i think you should tell him, because its not really your fault because he didn't ask you out or say like we are in a relationship, just say there was some miscommunications, if you can tell guy A tell guy B, the strongest relationships are the couples who fight over stuff like this and still go on :))

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  • I think you should be honest about it and explain to him that you weren't aware that you were together at the time. It's an honest mistake. Just as long as you also let him know that it won't be happening again while you are still currently dating. If you are not honest with him now and if he ends up finding out... It'll look a lot worse than what it is, and he'll question why you weren't just honest about it in the first place which will cause more problems. Honesty is the best policy!(:

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  • Honestly is all about ur call, i went through somethng similar and I eventually regret that I told him (guy A) bc it wouldn't matter, it was all in the past but i felt i should tell him no matter what and we broke up , eventually got back 2gether but I don't know i guess if given a 2nd chance i wouldn't have told him;take ur time babe , analize hope it helped x

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  • Noooo it's none of his businesses and you don't Need to tell him

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  • Don't tell guy b about the other guy.. Because you weren't 'officially' in a relationship anyway.. So don't feel bad.. You were just exploring and keeping your options open..

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  • You need to tell him explain that you didn't know you's were even together and as for guy a why not be good friends with him? It's not your fault they weren't clear with their intentions

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  • If you didn't know you were in a relationship then you were not in a relationship, therefore whatever you did can not be considered cheating and you owe him no explanation. Don't tell him, unless you want to spend everyday arguing with him about it.

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  • if you didn't know you were dating him, then that really shouldn't be considered dating?

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  • No. Don't say a word.

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  • No, don't tell him. It's very unnecessary. You didn't know.

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  • No. He is being too possesive. You didn't do anything wrong.

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  • Don't bring it up

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  • Tell him the truth is always better!

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  • Tell him; it was before you were official

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