How do I tell a girl nicely who likes me that I don't feel the spark without leading her on and hurting her?

So there's this girl I've been seeing off a dating site who really likes me, but I don't feel the same way. She's got a good personality and she's cool, but I don't feel the spark and am not really physically attracted to her. She texts me a lot and asks me to chill and it's not that I'm annoyed or that I think she's clingy but again, don't feel the spark.

Not trying to sound shallow and it's not like I have very high standards but I just can't force myself to be attracted to her. I'd be ok being friends with her but I don't wanna lead her on and cause drama because I've been led on multiple times and it hurt like hell, especially when I got rebounded.

So how do I nicely tell her that I don't feel the spark?

On a side note, that's usually how it goes. Usually the ones I like, don't like me back and the I don't really like the ones who like me. Again, I'm not picky but I wouldn't date someone just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Updates:
So I didn't contact her for a week and now she texted me to today saying we should get together sometime. I'm thinking now is the time to be straight with her. Thoughts?
So after I ignored this girl for awhile, she messaged me on pof with her new profile saying hey how have you been, hope all is well. I'm thinking about telling her I just like her as a friend, nothing more.

I swear it's a double standard with this shit. It's like if a girl I like ignores 2-3 messages then I gotta stop talking to her and move on or else I look like a creep or a stalker but if I ignore a girl, they'll message me more and want me more.

0|0
8|4

Most Helpful Girl

  • Perhaps if you treated the ones who 'Don't like me back' the same way you are Treating the Ones who do here, dear, you may have more luck... you may not be 'Picky,' however being this apple at the top of the tree with this One as you are, she is finding you a chase and a challenge and trying her Hardest to bite into you.
    Right off the bat, you both started with Obviously exchanging phone numbers. And perhaps there were other things you may have said or done without even realizing it, that has brought on her own 'Sparks,' leading her to get attached and Attach herself to you like a clinging vine... it happens all the time.
    To put this to bed and make yourself come clean as a whistle, you don't need to come right out and toot your own horn by saying Anything that would actually 'Cause drama' More in Store, but tell her in lite and semi convo, whether it is face to face, through text or even on the other end, that you just happen to notice a lot of girls are online looking for a relationship and you hope they find who they are looking for... me, I just like being friends right now with everyone and I am glad I found you as a nice friend...
    No one says you have to keep in constant contact with her all the time. Putting her on your pay no mind list from time to time, will give her a helpful hint that without you having to hymn nor haw, that there is nothing More to your relationship and that it is what it is, friendship is all.
    Good luck. xx

    0|1
    0|0
    • Thank you, that's what I've been saying recently actually that I should act the same way towards the ones that I'm interested in with being a challenge and not making myself too available.

      It can be tricky finding middle ground now. There have some that I've liked that ditched me because I didn't bend over backwards for them or sleep with them on the first date (crazy I know), and there have been times where I don't put too much effort in and they lose interest. It's like you can show too much interest and not too little. It's like I gotta be aggressive without being needy.

    • Show All
    • So the texting died down a lot. She messaged me on Friday and said feel free to text me tomorrow and I didn't then today she asks how I'm doing and asked if I'm busy tomorrow and I said yes. Then asked about my work and them after I told her, she said maybe we can get together again. I haven't responded yet but I'm thinking this might be the time to tell her I just wanna be friends.

    • Yes, you could throw a pun in for fun like: I will let you know, my friend... xx

What Girls Said 7

  • Be honest it may hurt but not saying anything and continuing talking as friends she will see it as you wanting to get to know her more and she'll fall for you even more. She will be hurt but will get over it in time but if you want to be her friend the friendly thing to do is tell her the honest truth

    0|0
    0|0
    • True, from my experience, there have been girls I liked that didn't like me back but were honest and said they didn't feel the spark or found someone else. Sure it sucked, but it's better than some people I've dealt with like this girl who rebounded on me that rescheduled a date, flaked, ignored me and then went back to the ex that she complained about.

    • Show All
    • I believe the attitude you give out to the works is what you get back if your sad you attract sad feelings from people if your happy happy (vibrant ) people will be more attracted to you

    • Yeah I see what you're saying, but honestly I'm pretty good with hiding emotions like that. Even after the rebounder left and I dated the next person. Even though I wasn't over it, the girl I dated at the time didn't know about. It didn't work out due to the distance and her not having a car though.

  • If she tell u that she likes u so much or text u more than now or asking for sex , tell her that being a friend with her is good but u can't feel her like a girlfriend coz she's not ur type. Remember to tell her with message or if u meet her, try to keep ur face in a gentle way; not the proud or annoyed. But if she only texts u or just ask u out, u can show her that u r not really interested in her by not replying her message or refusing the date. So she will come to know that u don't feel the spark. But be decisive. Don't give her hopes if u can't love her. Although it's nothing for u, she will hurt so much.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You just need to tell her. Tell her you think she's cool and that she has a great personality, etc, but that you just don't feel anything with her. Tell her you wanted to let her know sooner than later to avoid her getting hurt and being led on. It will show her that you're a caring person (aka not a jerk), but at the same time, it will let her know that she just needs to back off a little bit.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I plan on texting her in a few days and letting her know. I know this is gonna sound bad, but I was the first one who initiated it, we met off a dating site, her pics were very misleading. I know that sounds shallow but she took pics at an angle and I was very thrown off. It's unfortunate because she is a cool and down to earth person. I just don't have those feelings for her.

    • I understand that; and hopefully she will to. Just be honest. Honesty is the best policy. I mean seriously. Tell her she's cool and all, but just don't have those feelings for her.

  • Say u g l y u ain't gt no alibi no jk jus let her down gently maybe subtle hints n distance

    0|0
    0|0
    • You see, I did give my distance and kinda ignore her or take forever to respond on purpose but that whole thing about nice guys finishing last is true sadly. The less attention I've given this girl, the more she seeks me out and I've found the more attention I've given a girl, not constantly, turned her off.

    • Maybe pay her too much attention lol that might work

  • If I were here, I would want you to be honest with me. That's me though; a fan of brutal honesty

    0|0
    0|0
    • Right. Again I wanna be honest, just in a way where she doesn't get hurt.

    • Realistically, she will get hurt eventually. The fact that you asked this question tells me that you will make it least painful for her by choosing the right words.

    • Yep, all about making it come out the right way.

  • Be honest. She will be thankful for your honesty

    0|0
    0|0
  • Be honest. That's what I perfer. I hate wasting my time too. Just do it nicely and do it privately. Not in front of others... then you can't go wrong.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • Sometimes you should just do it without worrying about feelings...

    0|1
    0|0
  • Just be honest and kind.

    Tell her that you think she's a wonderful person and that you'd love to be friends with her if that's something that works for her, but your not feeling that elusive romantic connection.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Say you don't have the same feelings towards her and suggest remaining as friends.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Yeah that's what I've been thinking for the most part.

  • She's an adult. She will live.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...