If a guy has had a bunch of girlfriends, what would ever make me so special?

I have a really hard time with this. I'm so used to being someone's first and only. (I married my HS sweetheart. We divorced years ago now)

Although I admit I was never special to him, I don't feel special to anyone :-( I feel like I'm just the "latest," and like I'm a "replacement," no matter how much a guy claims he is into me. He is likely just as into me as he was anyone prior.

This makes me run in the opposite direction. I just don't know how else to handle it. It's unrealistic to expect what would make me feel better. I suppose it's just hard to not know someone's past and be blind to it


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're right in the sense that guys don't necessarily like their current girlfriend more than they did their past girlfriends. But it's important to remember that your future BF and his past GFs broke up for whatever reason and that he's choosing to be with you. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think there was something special about you - that much is true. The way I look at it with my BF is that, yes, he used to date someone else. But then one of them obviously did something to make them realize they weren't meant for each other, and then he found me and saw something in me that he liked (and vice versa). So, really, what does it matter if he used to like someone else? He doesn't anymore. These days it's difficult to find someone to be your first and only for your entire life, and you yourself know that that doesn't always work out. This means that since it's unrealistic for you to expect that you'll be your next BF's first and only, you gotta get out of this mindset that you're just a replacement. You're not. Next time you're in a relationship, try asking the guy why he's with you. Chances are he'll tell you it's because he likes many things about you and because you make him feel a certain way. Most guys don't say these things just to please their GFs - they really mean them.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Try to think about this logically. Yes, he has a past. And you have a past as well. You're not his first, but he's not your first either. What came before is just that --- the past. Relationships end but people move on to other relationships. I would try really hard not to disrespect the attraction/feelings he has for you.

  • Not fair at all to guess at anyone's motives. I guess i can accept that it's difficult, but at some point this is something you're going to have to get past. It's not like anybody can be your "first and only" at this point, and I doubt you'd like a potential suitor to guess at YOUR motives.


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