How soon is too soon?

When you first start to date someone how long should you wait to have sex with them. I know if you do it right away even though they want it as much as you do, they think you're a slut and don't respect you. So is the magic # 5 or 10 dates after you feel the spark of chemistry. Help me out here guys.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are two answers to this question. First since sex is a very intimate experience, couples tend to bond emotionally as well as physically. I think that women will emotionally bond more than men through intimate contact (the trust is implicit), whereas men will bond emotionally through time (more self disclosure and more dates). For that reason many women want to date for some time so-as to reduce the risk of heartache. The time to have sex is when you feel the mutuality is true. I'm not trying to say that men will lie about their emotions just to get physical, but they have a tendency to think they control their emotions instead of the other way around, putting you at risk of heartache.

    The other answer is, given that you are aware of the risks of heartache, nobody will think of you as cheap so-long as neither of you cheapen the experience and both of you cherish the moment. When people express a magical number, such as third date or tenth date, they are just saying that you probably couldn't reach that level of awareness before then. Personally I think it's different for everyone. I do know that men will start to "expect" it on the third date, but most men will cope (and maybe even gain some respect) up until the fifth or sixth date. I've also known people to have sex on their first encounter and they are happily married today.

    Since it really is all about risk and reward, it is up to you to decide when it's right for you. Be aware though, most men are subconsciously aware that girls who wait, think of you as a keeper. If you're at the point where you've conveyed that, and you trust he feels the same way, then go for it.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Depends on the frequency of dates. Usually 4-5 dates or 3-4 weeks. Whichever comes first.

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  • I would agree it's around the 3 weeks mark. Could be longer but any shorter then you look easy. (Unless you're looking to just "bump uglies" or "get on and get off" type thing.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'd agree that it's around 3-4 weeks. It's fun to let the tension build, too. Makes the sex better when you finally get in bed!

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  • Well I think that you should wait to have sex at least a couple of weeks or month unless your looking for a one night stand cause that's exactly what they are going to think of you after you give it up on the first date. A real guy wants a girl who respects her self and who has standards.

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  • I don't think there is a any specific time frame..Its what you both are comfortable with.

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