If you're not willing to date men and women, you must be somewhat shallow, right?

That is you value physical characteristics over personality, someone might have what you would consider a perfect personality but just not be of the sex you find attractive.

Do you agree that this is somewhat shallow? I think it is and that we (at least most of us) should acknowledge that we just are slightly shallow and that physical attributes do play a role in who we consider for dating (or whatever).

  • Yes it is somewhat shallow and it's fine.
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  • Yes it's shallow, but we shouldn't be shallow at all.
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  • No it's not shallow. (Explain below)
    50% (7)53% (8)52% (15)Vote
  • I'm just confused
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  • See answers
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Everyone's shallow in one way or another. Now do I think you should be attracted when you date someone, or else there's no difference between friends and relationships. Though I may not be attracted to you physically, if I find you attractive emotionally I'm going I date you. And the thee way around. But if there's no attraction physically or emotionally then I'm not going to date you regardless of gender (and we'll just be friends). But it's stupid to ignore all levels of attraction just because of someone's gender

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What Girls Said 8

  • Not necessarily. I think that’s a very basic, simple, small-minded somewhat elementary view of the situation. Uhmmm if they’re not “of the sex” you find attractive then…wtf duh you’re not going to be into them lol That’s like a straight dude thinking another guy has an awesome personality but he’s just not into men sexually/romantically. It’s a little confusing to follow what you’re asking…are you asking if it makes you shallow to not be interested in a certain sex or if it makes you shallow to value external traits over internal ones?

    My thoughts on this…
    Lets just be real: some people take it too far while making sure they’re attracted to someone. They are instantly dismissive of people who are attractive yet don’t fit some standard they’ve built in their minds. I’ve seen my girl-friends do it all the time and I know guys do it too. They’ll think “Meh she’s cute but her tits aren’t big enough” or she’ll say “He’s kinda cute, but his body isn’t ____ enough.” The fact that we as a society accept this superficiality is probably why people keep saying times just aren’t what they used to be. People need to stop accepting intellectual mediocrity and romanticizing shallow, trivial thought because it’s ugly and often disgusting. So there are situations where a physical attraction is not there and then there are situation where someone superficial is acting like there’s such thing as a Build-A-Bitch and critiquing someone to the point where they discredit their worth.

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    • "That’s like a straight dude thinking another guy has an awesome personality but he’s just not into men sexually/romantically." That's exactly what I'm talking about. I consider myself somewhat shallow as I wouldn't date a guy even if he was my ideal partner except for his body.

      I consider shallow to be choosing to date or not date someone based on physical characteristics or other superficial things rather than them as a person.

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    • Not this.

    • …”not this”? Elaborate…?

  • I think you're misusing the word "shallow". Just because someone is not shallow, does not mean anything and everything goes. Having standards, preferences, and values does not make one shallow, it makes one selective.
    And also, sexuality is not a choice, and choosing to stay within the confines of what feels natural to you is not being shallow.

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  • You don't date someone because they "have a nice personality", you date them because you have a connection and/or are attracted to them. It's ridiculous to think that being monosexual is shallow. You can't help who you fancy. If you go out with someone who has a nice personality but you don't fancy them then don't date them.

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    • I agree you can't help who you're attracted to. I'd never date a guy and that makes me somewhat shallow (valuing the physical characteristics and not just considering the 'person').

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    • obviously I don't mean to put you into a box or label you, i'm just trying to make a point that gender does matter to some people, even if it doesn't matter to you

    • Sure, I'm not suggesting it shouldn't matter to them. I just think we're all (pretty all of us anyway) shallow to an extent and that we ought to recognise that, I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

  • You can't help who you fancy. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean shit
    It's called having chemistry buddy

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    • Did you read everything I wrote? I'm saying we should acknowledge that we are somewhat shallow, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Personally I'd never date a guy - which makes me somewhat shallow.

    • Nobody is shallow. Only butthurt people use that term

    • Well I'm saying everyone is somewhat shallow, but that there's nothing wrong with that. I think we sort of agree just have a different use of the word.

  • Shallow only operates within the bounds of able to be physically attracted. There's a difference between "I can see that she's considered attractive" and "I am attracted to her."

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    • Actually, I think what you might be thinking along the lines of is "would you have friends that are considered unattractive." Yeah, why not? That *is* generally about personality.

      I consider it shallow *in a different way* if you reject friendship because they're not physically attractive enough. That's not what you're talking about here - it just occurred to me.

  • No not at all. Shallow is liking someone purely for their looks and disregarding certain individuals that are unfortunate looking. Google it

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    • Exactly a guy could have a perfect personality but because unfortunately he has man's body I won't date him. That makes me somewhat shallow and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that.

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    • Okay, I'm not saying people shouldn't be shallow, I'm just saying that we are (most of us anyway, with my usage that is.)

    • Lol you've said shallow for preferring a particular sex which is bizarre. No not all of us are. An everyone shouldn't be labelled it for no actual reason

  • No some people are just naturally not attracted to either and some wish to be single forever

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    • Okay sure, I was directing this at people who are into dating, and would reject someone for being of a certain sex. I wouldn't date a guy and I think that makes me shallow.

  • Nope I choose C is not that I'm shallow I'm focusing on me right now so I put my love life on hold because I want to better myself go to school work and focus in my sin since I'm single mom

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    • Oh right, I meant for people who are actually dating and turning people down because of physical characteristics and so on.

    • Nothing wrong with being content to be single either.

What Guys Said 12

  • How is it that me having preference for someone makes me out to be shallow?
    I still care about her personality in fact it's the most important thing... but I still need physical attraction on some level.

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    • I'm not saying it's bad to be shallow.

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    • Yes that's it. I think we're all somewhat shallow, I'm certainly not saying we shouldn't be.

    • Okay, then yes I agree... we all judge people in one way or another. I have my preferences in a partner so some people will see it as shallow, which is completely normal.

  • i will never fucking settle for less.

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    • I'm not suggesting you should, just that we accept that we (most of us at least) are somewhat shallow.

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    • Exactly

    • its obvious though isn't it. so what would be the point in asking? bee-tee-dubs im not hating :D

  • You're the same fucking guy who's posting the hiding beauty question ain't ya

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  • I almost feel like I just said that about 4 minutes ago in a comment.

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    • So you agree?

    • I'm not saying we should be otherwise, just that we recognise that it is shallow.

    • Shallow tends to be used interchangeably with 'care about body' and I don't think that's appropriate. They are taking 'shallow' in a very literal way acting as though it means just the literal surface.

      I think it is more accurate to use shallow to mean someone who looks for partners based on a very simple 'type' checklist and isn't concerned about the connection.

      If you date some guy because he leads a non profit group that fights poverty and you think that's cool, and that's really the only reason, you're shallow.

  • I don't think being attracted to physical characteristics is shallow. Appearances serve a purpose in attraction, and the person who finds another attractive is making complicated judgments about various parts of the body.

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    • I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, just that it is somewhat shallow.

    • I don't think it's necessarily shallow to be attracted to appearances. I think it's a judgment that has more depth than people give it credit for. People notice appearances right away, before noticing personality. I think that's why attraction to appearances has become known as shallow in some circumstances.

      I actually had a cousin who fell in love with a guy several states away just talking over the phone with him. She never saw his face before moving up to live with him. I think that would be a "personality" variant of shallow.

  • I guess people always care about physical traits, so everyone is a little shallow. But sexuality is not something you really have any control over, so saying that for me not to be shallow I shouldn't care about a persons sex is just, strange. I mean, I am sexually attracted to women, so there is really no thinking involved in not wanting to date a guy, there is just nothing to be attracted to for me.

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    • Right, but I'm not saying you shouldn't be shallow.

    • I know that, but I think saying someone is shallow because of sexual preference is just a very strange way of thinking.

  • Wait, what? Are you suggesting that people are shallow if they are NOT bisexual? Correct me if I'm wrong, that was worded a little weird.

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    • No, I'm suggesting they're shallow if they won't date someone because of their sex, you don't need to be attracted to both sexes to conceivably be willing to date both. Of course I'm not saying we shouldn't be shallow.

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    • If you avoid a man because of his personality that isn't shallow, if it's because he has a male body it is shallow. Obviously men and women have physical differences. Personality differences? On average, there are, but there's certainly an overlap.

    • Dude. Dating is something you do with a prospective partner. A straight guy, by default, does not "date" other men. Hanging out alone with a same-sex friend is not a date.

  • I'm just confused, dawg.

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  • No, it's not shallow. Homosexuality is a matter of genetics. It's not a choice

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    • I never suggested it was a choice. But to not date someone because you aren't physically attracted to them is somewhat shallow.

    • No, it's not. It's not shallow at all.

      That would be like if I just met you on the street and said "You're selfish unless you toss my salad"

  • Gay is the best way for men

    We don't need women

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  • Shallow is having unreasonable or unrealistic expectations about seemingly minor details and traits. It seems like you have fallen to this new, hijacked definition of "shallow" by society where you think it means "if you pay ANY attention to physical traits, you're a shallow person".

    The only reason this seemed like the case is because people started shaming others for having physical preferences, which made people step around the topic of physical traits in order to avoid all of that. But that didn't stop us from thinking it, only from speaking about it. We're animals and we have instincts, drives, and urges just like all other animals.

    So why are you trying to shame people for liking what they like? What's it to you?

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    • ""if you pay ANY attention to physical traits, you're a shallow person" That is basically what I'm saying shallow is, and I'm saying it's alright. I'm suggesting we shouldn't be shallow, just that we realise that we are.

      "So why are you trying to shame people for liking what they like? What's it to you?" Did you read past the title?

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    • Lol, and once again, I'm not saying that. What I AM saying is you attributing certain things to shallowness, when they're merely natural behaviors.

    • Are you saying it's not natural to be shallow?

  • Whatever your opinion is, you can't deny someone their instincts. I see the female form and I think, yes I like that very much and I get certain urges and feelings. I see the male form and I think nothing, I get no urges and just see another human with the same anatomy. You might argue technicalities but that would be bullshit in the pejorative sense.

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    • Did you actually read what I wrote?

      I said that we're shallow, I didn't say we shouldn't be.

    • I read what you wrote. Did you read what I wrote? I have particular tastes when it comes to food, just because capers aren't for me, that doesn't make me shallow. It means I like what I like and don't discriminate, I just choose one over the other as is my prerogative.

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