Ladies: If a very good guy friend asked you out on a date because he has feelings for you, and you didn't feel the same, what would you say?

This girl and I have been very good friends for over a year now and a couple weeks ago we hung out at her place (watching Netflix, eating food, singing karaoke, and just being in each other's company). She and I had never hung out together alone before that day (she always had her friends around), and the reason why I had asked her if she wanted to spend the day together was because I wanted her to see how well I would treat her so that way when I ask her out on a real date, she would be more inclined to say yes. At the end of the day I asked her out, and she said that she had just gotten out of a relationship (I did not even know she was in one) and that she wasn't ready to get into another one. I told her that I was okay with that, and everything seemed fine.

Since that day, however, she would either ignore me or barely talk to me every time I contacted her. I don't bomb her with messages nor do I message her every day, only once every few days, but the results have been the same. I have a horrible habit of overthinking things, and I don't want to assume this as something that it's not. She's still in school (I graduated last year), and I know that she just had her midterms/finals, so she might have been just too stressed and preoccupied to talk to me. I've read some girls' opinions on this site in regards of what they usually do when a guy likes them and they don't like him back, and most of them have said that they would give an excuse and then fall back from the guy until he got over her.

Could this be what she's doing? I REALLY like her, and I don't know whether or not she's not talking to me because she's too busy or if she's doing this intentionally and I would like some insight from girls who have done this, or guys who have gone through this. Am I worrying too much about nothing, or is this a sign that I should just give up and move on?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I’m honestly not sure. These days you can’t actually tell a guy that you are genuinely not interested in him without him getting all whiny and throwing a pity party while he decides to stay stuck in some silly ‘friend zone’. I

    ’m in the same exact situation as the girl you describe: I just got out of a rough relationship and there are a couple of guys, whom I’m only interested in being friends with, who just keep trying to pry and push for something more. To be totally honest, it’s a pain in the butt. It’s SO annoying when they try to flirt or whenever they talk about us hanging out they try to make it sound like a date -_- There could be potential for a friendship there, but some guys just put pressure to make it something else and it’s so aggravating. I’m actually doing the same exact thing she’s doing because I want these guys to back off and stop being interested in me. The direct approach seems to just make things awkward so I’m hoping that if I ignore them enough, they’ll take a hint and either find someone else or just lose interest in me romantically.

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    • Damn, that's probably the case then for her and I. I was afraid that she was getting annoyed with me :(

      I'll just leave her alone then and whatever happens, happens.

    • It may not be but generally when women leave relationships, it takes us more time to move past it especially if things ended on a bad note. I can’t speak for her because I don’t even know her or her situation so my personal experience may not apply to her. But I know for me…I loved a man so much and he hurt me in so many different ways. I need time to heal. Guys trying to date me and flirt with me just makes me feel like my newfound liberation is being smothered therefore I can’t stand it. My heart has been through so much mess that I’m unwilling to put it back out there and risk spending my precious, divine energy on even more disappointment or BS. I just can't do it.

What Girls Said 3

  • WAit a second, you said you gave up. You clearly haven't, which is ok. To answer your question I'd probably politely try to get out of it, but I'd that were ineffective I would give it a shot. Depending on my feelings I'd either try to see if perhaps there really could be some chemistry or I'd use the alone time as an opportunity to talk about the relationship and how we might not be seeing eye to eye. I can understand that she might not want to be confrontational and hurt your feelings, but leading you on by going on the date and then not speaking with you at all is really cruel. Like I said before, I'm sorry, I know you like her very much, but she is mistreating you and taking you for granted.

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    • My apologies, I misspoke. When I said that I had given up, I meant that I had given up on trying to make it happen. I've decided to just not worry about it anymore and whatever happens, happens. And thank you for the sweet words, that's very kind of you :)

  • I would say " First off, I just want us to be on the same page. I do not have those kind of feelings for you as you do for me. However, If you still want to go on a date knowing that, then I wouldn't mind"

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    • I wouldn't be stressing about this situation had she said that (if she doesn't feel the same, because right now I'm unsure). She didn't reject me when I asked her out, her reason seemed pretty valid, so hopefully I'm just overthinking this :/

    • It's a complicated situation. I am just the type that doesn't like to lead someone on. I will tell you how itis, but I will be nice about it.

  • i would be honest and tell him how i really feel

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What Guys Said 1

  • She doesn't know how to handle it. Avoidance is the best way to handle things you don't know how to handle because they just magically go away.

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    • From a female perspective, sometimes avoidance is the best way to go because if you assertively direct the issue head on then you just end up hurting the guy’s ego and he never wants to talk again or it just makes things uncomfortable to the point that the connection fizzles out entirely. If some guys wouldn’t be so pushy and pry to create an experience that the girl may not even want then there would be no need for a woman to make either one decision or the other.

    • I understand that this is the case. There's no winning situation for this.

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