Should I start a friends with benefits situation with this guy?

Dot points as it's easier :)
-We dated 6-7 weeks total
-After the first 3-4 weeks I was starting to realise he wasn't what I wanted in a partner (differing morals, beliefs and life plans which were incompatible) but we were having fun together and intense chemistry so I continued on.
-Around this time we spoke about our past relationships and he said he wasn't sure if he was ready for a serious relationship as he was still dealing with issues he has with his ex (LTR ended around a year prior and she'd just gotten engaged) He said he was worried he couldn't let me or anyone in emotionally as when he falls he falls hard and is terrified of getting hurt again. I thought this may be bs but he teared up and was really honest about a lot of things
- Because we were having a heap of fun together we decided to continue on, but more casually (still exclusively) and to just see where it goes
- It ended as I realised he wasn't what I wanted as far a partner goes and he knew he wasn't ready to let me or anyone in emotionally until he deals with his issues

Do you think because we have amazing sex and have so much fun just hanging out together and know that one of us wanting a relationship is off the table a friends with benefits situation would work? Although I don't want a relationship ATM (am changing jobs and degrees so won't have a lot of time) I'd still like it to be a non-exclusive arrangement so we are both not closing ourselves off to any possibilities. Would that be reasonable?
Any one been in a similar situation and if so how did it go? What obstacles did you face and were any rules implaced?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think on your end this arrangement would work great, but I'd be worried about him. If he's not ready emotionally for a relationship (even though this would strictly just be sex) I don't know that it's even a good idea for him to begin a friends with benefits type relationship.

    I don't know either of you so I'm not really one to offer advice on your situation but I feel like if he's not ready to let people in yet, he should just casually date and hold off on the sex until he finds someone he thinks he'd like to try a serious relationship with.

    You can propose the idea though because for all I know maybe he does just want some action with no strings attached.

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    • Thanks for your response. I do agree his feelings will have to be taken into account and I am worried he may not be able to take it. I wouldn't want to hurt him. We spoke a lot and he opened up heaps about his past and the family stuff he's still wrestling with. I felt like he could let me in emotionally and was but he just isn't in the right head space to commit to anything or anyone and risk getting hurt.

      When we spoke and ended things he did say he'd like to be friends and hang out and do a lot of the things we planned (he's new-ish to town so I planned on showing him around a lot) Also he did mention to me that it would be hard for him to control himself if this were to happen as "he's really attracted to me"

      So what do you think? Would it be worth suggesting?

    • Oh in that case I think it's totally worth suggesting. Just throw it out there that you both enjoy spending time together and there's no denying the physical chemistry so you would like to continue what you have while taking the "relationship" aspect off the table. See what he says, I'm sure he'll agree. Who knows, maybe in time he'll realize he is ready for a relationship and wants to try it out again with you :) But for now, if neither or you really want anything serious, you have all the other makings of a great friends with benefits situation so it's certainly worth at least talking about it (you don't have to put that label on it, I'm sure he will understand what your new dynamic is).

What Guys Said 1

  • Yea let him get a few squirts on you lol

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What Girls Said 1

  • It would be reasonable but he would be heart broken & you would be heart broken. Eventually, one of you will gain feelings at the wrong time because, it's sex involved. When he wants a relationship, you won't want one & then you would want a relationship he wouldn't want one.

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