Asking a shy, introverted, young woman if she wants to go on a date, and what should we do on the date?

I like a girl I go to church with, and would like to ask her out when I'm ready, but I feel like I could have trouble with this.

She is by her own admission, quite introverted, and also I've noticed a bit shy. As such, when I've asked her in the past if she wanted to hang out, she's politely declined because she doesn't like one on one situations, and prefers social situations that allow her be in a crowd she can 'hide' in as it were. Additionally, while I quite like her, and she likes my friendship, I'm unaware of any more on top of that on her part.

So, two part question, or more precisely, plea for help, how can I approach the topic of asking her if she would like to do something socially with a date like component, and secondly, what could I suggest we did that would involve a group to make her comfortable, yet still keep things close so we can get a chance to grow closer to each other? Thanks for your help.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Plan a group outing. Maybe some of your friends and some of hers so she can feel comfrotable a bit. Maybe lunch at the park. Grab some pizzas with your friends and head on over. You can have group chat to make her comfortable and then maybe branch off at the park into smaller group. It's best to get her comfortable with the idea of being around you that way she can open up a bit and have some one-on-one. Good Luck!

    - From Another Shy Girl

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What Girls Said 16

  • Have you tired talking to your Paster? Maybe together the two of you (Paster and you) could plan some type of social. A social where all the church members in their 20s get together. You could ask to take her to that. Also, if you chose to ask her out again, you should ask what she would like to do. And, honestly, if she keeps turning you down, she may not be interested.

    Those of us who are nice and don't want to hurt a guys feelings, will say politely, that we are just shy and no thank you. When we just don't want to really say we are not interesed in any way, shape or form.

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    • That's a fantastic idea. I'll have to talk to someone about it.

  • Go with a group of your friends and her friends to a park or something like that. At one point in time you could ask her to take a walk with you really quickly or something. It wouldn't exactly be a date but you could have some time alone to just talk with her even if it's not about relationships or dating she could feel more comfortable around you and know that you're considerate of the fact that she prefers social situations. It wouldn't be a social situation but you would still be at a social situation so if she got done with the walk you'd just return right back to the group.

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  • I am extremely reserved in public, even the people I grew up with so I can identify with her. Do something active and casual with her so she can focus on instead of the new situation. She might begin to act herself. Eventually she'll open up. If she doesn't it's not meant to be or that's how she is period. Good luck!

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  • If you'd like... Invite her to some sort of church gathering which she might find comfortable also invite some group of friends along. Thet have group or obe to one activities where you can have opportunities to spend time with her. Try things like (spring harvest, soul survivor or momentum) hope this helps. Good luck.

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  • Make sure to make her comfortable around you. If you ask her stuff that she's interested in, she'll talk! Believe me because I'm the same way!!!

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  • try to talk to her more hang with other friends first , Im always scared when guys ask me on dates a lot and especially if they always pay.

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    • Why are you especially scared when they offer you to pay if I can ask?

    • I dont know im just shy maybe that they want sex right away usually the like/love situation is a bit scaring for me. Maybe is because i hear my family talking about it or because my family made to much jokes about it or something i hear in my environment but now is a bit better because i growed up.

  • Ask her if she wants to go to a quieter place. She seems like a nice person and maybe once she gets to know you she will Go on a date with you.

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  • Start with simple things like go on a movie or dinner and find out if u can click

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  • Group date!

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  • Double date.

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  • You like pretty much explained me. I would take her to a movie, definitely not out to eat. Just the thought ugh. Movie sounds great so does going to the park or something like that

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  • Don't do dinner or meals because it'll be awkward for her to make conversation if she's shy

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  • Introverted things, if she won't direct the action
    away from the maddening crowd
    slow boring activities - think grandma
    but after she gets used to you
    often the shy, silent types have very wicked sexual fetishes you might enjoy

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    • I don't know what to say to that.

  • This one will be some work, but if you really like her you'll go through all of this for her. Since she prefers crowds she can "hide" in maybe don't make it a date, at first. I'm not really sure how well you know her, but once she gets to know you better she might feel more comfortable around you. So maybe instead ask her if she and a couple other people (maybe from your church or wherever) would like to do something. Maybe since you're all Christians you guys can just have a bible study at your place or something. Then once she gets used to you guys hanging out more with other people, then go one on one with her. Just be patient! Or maybe invite her just for a walk in the park or somewhere local where there are a lot of people. Good luck my friend!

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  • I am very shy myself and when this guy asked me out he knew how shy he was so he got to of his friends and i brought two of mine and we went out for pizza and then just hung out playing pool and ping pong once i relax i started to not be shy.

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    • Again, that's helpful thanks. Some of my friends, some of hers, nice food, commandeer a games table.

  • Try talking about topics she's interested first.

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What Guys Said 1

  • If you are a churchgoing laddie should not date until you are financially ready to support a wife.
    Be that as it may, have a party and invite and four other girls you think are cute (and some guys too).

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    • I of course agree that marriage is the ultimate goal, but that said, I don't believe that all that needs to be ready just yet, so long as you are yourself. A school friend of mine recently got married and is living with her husband in someone's garage as example.
      I will take your idea on board though.

    • Not dating until you're ready for marriage is ridiculous and I can't believe some pastors preach this; even more ridiculous is a pastor I know, told his congregation of 18-25yrs that only the men are to ask someone out and they shouldn't do it unless they're sure they want to marry that particular girl because other wise it's 'leading her on'...

    • I agree with min_emz. Dating is for getting to know people and what you like. Dating does not mean immediately settling down. And for God's sake, women these days don't always need a man to support them!

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