Is it best for a shy guy to never date?

I've been sitting here thinking. I read forums all the time about shy men and how women don't like them and don't find them attractive. Now I'm a shy guy and have never asked a woman out ever. From what I have read on here and other forums, I feel It's best I stay alone and never intetact with women because I don't want to be a woman's burden because I'm not outgoing. Any other shy guy feel this way?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Dude, no. No, no, no. Four reasons:

    1. "Girls" is a very broad term. There are girls who like burly guys and girls who like string-beans, and girls who like athletes and girls who like nerdy guys, and girls who like computer geniuses and girls who like cowboys. You can't generalize and say, "Girls don't like shy guys." Unless you know every girl out there, you have no way to make that a valid claim.

    2. I have a crush on two guys right now... One is a big flirt, confident, athletic, and basically the guy half the girls who know him are crushing on. The other one is... wait for it... a shy guy who also happens to be very cute, smart, hardworking, and sweet. I find both attractive for different reasons. So there. Your claim that girls don't like shy guys is false.

    3. A guy a recently met, who happens to be one of the most shy guys I've ever met, is someone I really enjoy talking to. I'm shy, too, and I love drawing out other shy people... because there's so much there... shy people have so much to contribute. I'm guessing you're the same way... and that means that some lucky girl will get to know you like very few people ever do. That's not a burden. That's a privilege.

    4. I'm going to begin this last point by saying again that I am shy. I came to college last year as a painfully shy girl who struggled to make friends and find my place. On that basis, I am allowed to say my next sentence:

    Shyness is an emotion and emotions don't have to control your life. Feeling shy is not something we get to control. But we DO get to choose whether to be controlled by that emotion.

    I chose not to let it run my life. It's been hard, but it's paying off. Want proof? Someone I met in the last few months literally laughed in disbelief when I told him I was shy.

    You have a life to live. You are shy, but that doesn't have to control you.

    Maybe, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you need to look your shyness in the eye and say, "We're done. You don't get to run my life."

    • I don't feel sorry for myself. It's more of a "Eh" type of thing. I can't really explain it.

    • If it's an "Eh" type of thing, why bother asking or even thinking about it? If you genuinely don't care, you're question makes no sense... *confused*


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What Girls Said 6

  • Well, it really depends on what exactly is stopping you from asking these girls out. Are you self conscious? Do girls just freak you out? Or is it social interactions altogether?

    When was the last time you felt attracted to someone and wanted to ask them out but couldn't?

    • To be honest, I see women as other people who are just there. I just don't bother them.

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    • Wouldn't hurt. My major is business administration.

    • Business, so you are planning on working with people everyday, this takes some serious people skills. Try and use the skills you've learned to get with somebody.
      I hope I helped :)

  • The only way to overcome shyness is to go outside your comfort zone, gaining more experience builds confidence. As you grow in confidence the less shy and awkward you will feel around girls. It can be challenging, but can be achieved

    • I'm not changing who I am for any woman. I'd rather be dateless and alone than do that. My attitude is "It is what it is."

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    • Growing in confidence, gaining more self- esteem, and self- improvement, doesn't mean our values, standards and views change, it also doesn't mean we lose our identity. It helps us to know ourselves better, therefore we can live a happier more fulfilled life.

  • I like a confident guy but I am also attracted to a shy guy. Many times I am drawn to shy guy.
    Dont believe what u read here... so many sexually frustrated guys who blame girls for their unsuccessful rates.

    • I don't blame women at all. You all like what you like and there's nothing wrong with it.

    • I did not say it is you

    • I know you weren't. But I've seen what you're talking about on here though.

  • Well, not only are you shy, but it sounds like you're insecure and cool with being forever alone.

  • It enrages me to see all these shy guys on gag asking questions like this one. I hate that some really great guys believe they are not good enough to get a woman just because they aren't outgoing, tall, muscly, or a confident "ladies man." There are girls out there that like shy guys and find them attractive--guys like you. I have the biggest crush ever on a guy who is in his 20s, never had a gf, is considered short, and is super shy around me. Why? Because of his personality and how he treats me and other people. Plus, he's smoking hot in my eyes. If there is hope for him then I would say there is hope for you too.

    So no, it is not best for you to never date. From this post, I can clearly see that you have a desire to date and you should. Being shy is a personality trait, not a disability and I hate when people see shyness as a negative trait. I am shy myself and it annoys me to no end. You are still a worthy human being.
    Shy people can appear mysterious and it's more fun getting to know them, they listen to you, they are thinkers and are usually pretty intelligent, and they don't appear obnoxious or arrogant. I have also known many shy guys to be the most polite and kind guys with the best personalities. Sad thing is, some girls will not want to take the time to get a shy guy to open up so that they can see his personality. They want a guy who is easy to read and gives them lots of attention, showering them with signals of interest. That's all BS to me. Not every girl is like that. Not going to lie.. some are, but not ALL women. It's just what the forums say. Every person on this planet is different, thus they have different preferences. I would stay away from the forums since they tend to generalize and don't give up hope. There are girls who will take the time for a great guy like you (I'm assuming you are) and there are girls who like a challenge. Just try and open up sometimes so girls can get to know you.. doesn't mean u have to be a social butterfly.

    • There's nothing to be upset about. My dad raised me when my mom died. He told me "Not everyone gets a happy ending".

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    • He's not wrong. It's best if shy guys (well me) just stay away from women.

    • Trust me I'm the same way.

  • Never base your life off of what you read on the Internet. Please date and don't worry. There's lots of girls who will like you :)

    • I doubt it.

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    • Just wanted to say this. I'm not a mean person and whenever I do talk to someone, I'm respectful.

    • I was just being honest.

What Guys Said 8

  • no just because ur shy doesn't mean u dont need to date... im shy i wish i wasn't cuz it makes it harder for me to get a date... but i think most girls like the challenge of getting me to talk to them... like i can tell when a girl is into me im just to shy to talk to them and if they put in the extra effort to stay talking with me then i eventually start being able to talk to them like nothing and i am able to make thrm mine

    • Personally, I'm just not good in this area. I have never been good with women. I've been alone so long I'm starting to get used to it.

    • trust me i know that feel bro im 20 and I've had about three girlfriends and all of them had to make the first move and literally tell me to ask them out

  • I agree and I'm the same why. I'll talk once in a while but I've been rejected so many times, I've learned just to say nothing.

    • Exactly how I feel. I just don't bother them.

  • Fellow horribly shy guy here.

    Yes, being shy is not really attractive to girls or at least on a 1-to-1 basis. As in you can be generally shy but if you open up to a specific girl and show here your true personality with no nervousness, she'll like it (assuming some chemistry).

    I have been putting myself out there recently and it helps. You take risks and mess up with some bad interactions but the growth is exponential and it just keeps getting easier. Though I still hit bad points and I have to accept that I am no outgoing natural.

    My opinion is don't care about women. Do what makes you happy in terms of hobbies or your job, w/e. You'll find yourself talking to more people, which comes with girls. But don't place too much importance on them.

  • Its better to be confident and masturbate your whole life to porn!

    Ok... shy guy are attractive but not as much as the confident guys!
    Reasons why girls pick confident guys over shy guys

    -the confident guys are full of attitude
    -they never wait to fight back
    -they never trust people easily
    -they dont leave a chance to live the moment


    and the main thing is that shyness is not a personality trait;its just your behaviour... and behaviour do have cures... i was too a shy guy once... all i did was getting out of comfort zone and talks to girls on any matter

    Hope you got what i am saying! :)

  • Shy guys usually masturbates n ruins his entire life doing this shit... Huh boring... If its life why God created girls? Only to see their naked pics n masturbating? Staying at home? And remaining anti social. huh boring...

    • God created women for the outgoing type of men. That's not who I am. I live by myself with my dog. On occasion, I'll have my friends over. But that's it.

  • i used to be a shy guy in my teenager period and yes, i have never asked a girl out but i had some girls hit on me.

    and yes, forever alone:D! although i am not that shy anymore.

    • i was extremely shy when i was a kid and i was like blushing everytime i talked with a girl at my age LOL

  • we're on the same boat my friend :) welcome to my life (> ^ .^ )> ~( ^. ^ ~)

  • You aren't missing anything, don't worry about it.