I just started to talk to this girl and found out she has a learning dissability... I m super shocked... and sad... I started to like her?

i dont know what to do... its been 2 months... any experiences? i m just not sure if i can carry the burdens...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm with those who have made the comment of it taking you two months to figure out that there was an issue. I know one or two people with learning disabilities, from what I observe they make adjustments and compensate for their issues in other ways. What I see as their real disability is the bullying and teasing they have had to endure their whole lives, they both have self esteem issues which needlessly hold them back. What exactly is the issue and what is her functional age as in comparable to what chronological age?

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    • its not severe... she's in her early twenties... maybe she sounds like a teenager... in junior high... not sure.. i m not a pro at this... thanks for the most helpful answer so far...

What Girls Said 15

  • You know what? It looks like you already made up your mind. Break it off with her. Because you are in here backing yourself up by saying "we fight because she's slow" and the drama with your parents. Stop leading her on if you really feel that way about her disability, because she needs someone that will look beyond that disability and love her for her. And that right there is a fact!! I hope I answered your question.

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    • my problem with most young inexperienced folks are that theyre more emotionally driven and self centered/bias in their veiws. a fat girl would call a man shallow for acknowledging the impoortance of attraction and a poor person would call a girl a materialistic for seeking financial security. i haven't made up my mind. i just told her i wouldn't leave her for the reasons I've stated here. i have to see what she offers and what i value more. i get you can't have perfection. i gotta figure myself out and what i can handle or regard as more important.

  • I have a physical disability but if you feel that way you should move on because I would hate to think a guy was just seeing me because he felt bad and pitied me

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  • I'm not sure I understand you, if this is making you unhappy and it's not what u want then why are u questioning yourself.
    If u stay u will resent her, I mean it's kind of a no brainer. Part ways

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    • i want to stay. i need to look into myself and see what i m truly facing. i m here trying to see if anyone understands this trhough experience. no one seems to have any experience. just talking their emotional non sense.

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    • no she has to meet some standards i need/want in a girl as well... I've dated girls i didn't like too much and i couldnt love them or treat them as they should. but having said all this, she's willing to do almost anything for me and she's pretty... that means a lot to me as well.

    • Well, theirs a lot of pretty women out there. The longer u wait the more she'll hurt. You clearly know what you want, and it's not her. Let her go now and at the very least she can keep her dignity from all this.
      In a way you staying would make matters worse, she won't view this as "oh well I've tried" situation. This will be demeaning, it'll possibly break her spirit, confidence etc,.. so do her a favor, let her go now. Let her find someone she can be with and who adore her. And I'll suggest you do the same, make u r self completely happy life is to short.

  • So it obviously isn't that big of a problem if it took you 2 months to find out. If you like her then why does it matter if she has a disability or not?

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    • no weve been fighitng a lot and its because she's slow...

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    • no because she doesn't keep her word and doesn't know its her issues. do you know i dont want to get into detail about exploiting her? because i dont feel good about it?

    • You don't have to. I didn't ask for details. I'm going off what you already said. If you can't deal then you can't deal, but I still think if you were fine before you found out then you should be fine now. But I'm not in your situation and I respect that you don't want to further explain. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

  • You could not figure it out until you found. So I don't think it's a problem. If I were you, I would continue. You like her, don't waste this feeling I think.

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    • it isn't severe. yah its the feelings that make still make me consider her. if i knew this before meeting her, i wouldn't engage myself. i m looking for a potential life partner and the mother of my kids. most people here are just emotional and talking about themselves. this is as normal as eating an egg benidict for breakfeast over a mcdonalds egg mcmuffin.

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    • i m a calculative planning machine. it has brought me good results at times. i think i can distinguish judging/assessing to get results, from dismissing something too soon and hurting them.

    • I agree with deciding as soon as possible. This way you will hurt no one.

  • Not an easy situation for either of you, but it is something to work at it and overcome. Good luck to you both.. Or if your not that attached to her.. Let her find someone who is willing to live her the way she ia and help her better

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    • thank you. for not being emotional and cliche like. i m looking for a competent life partner and someone wholl be the mother of my kids. most people on this question doesn't seem to get its not shallow. i have big goals and need someone solid.

  • If you really like her and care about her and think she's worth it then who cares? You can make adjustments.

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    • i m not that patient...

    • If you are not that patient, do her a favor and stop wasting her time. She should be out there finding a guy who is considerate and not looking for phony reasons to break up. I agree with the others who recognize that you rude and acting fucked up.

    • I've taken care of disabled people all my life. is it ok to be a little tired? of playing the VHS for them? talking for them? teaching them basic things? my whole life. i dont agree i m rude. which part?

  • If you really like her then little things like that shouldn't matter to you. Imagine if you were going through what she was.

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    • lol I've been in a few long term relationships and tasted independence as well as dependence in relationships. id question you're knwoledge and understanding at a deep level because you're so young and inexperienced. spare me from the pre rehearsed cliche type of responses. life isn't only about feelings but everything is important and things have to be practical. its not a fairy tale

  • It shouldn't matter if she has a learning disability, you liked her for who she was before you knew and she's still the same person so you should still feel the same.

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    • yah but we started to fight a lot and i know its because she's slow...

    • That might just mean that you have to be a little more patience with her, and it will be worth it if you do really like her. But if you think you can't you may as well let her find someone who will.

  • That's mean! you really need to give her a chance oh wait how bout not that's pretty shallow of you to say that

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    • Just try to understand her better hun

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    • if you know how your life would play out dealing with people that need a lot of help, its nothing but shallow. just like looks being important isn't shallow at all.

    • Well, just move on then plenty of other fish in the sea. :)

  • This is kind of mean. :(
    But she should have told you before you started liking her. It's her own fault. For example: if a guy I liked had cancer and I fell in love with him and he didn't tell me.. I would be a little hurt and upset too.

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    • If he had an incurable cancer he would be dieing and should tell you. Someone with a learning disability is not dieing and her disability may not even be noticeable, so there is no reason to open up to that too soon.

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    • Why? Because I get downvvotes on almost everything?

    • lol yah.

  • If you didn't know for 2 months then wtf do you care?

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    • i just thought she didn't like going to class.

  • You seem very considéra te but you have to consider your bottom line

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    • bottom line as in how much i can take?

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    • And most people make everything about themselves

    • yes thnks for your honesty. i seem to trigger a lot of ppls bad experiences.

  • If you didn't realize it then why do you care? It must have not been that noticeable
    What is her learning disability anyways

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    • i think i realised it from running into problems with her. she then admitted it. its not severe but i m really quick with understanding and i m kinda impatient and get bored type... so there's a contrast

    • What's her learning disability

  • You're shallow. How about learning more about her disability to try and understand her better>? there's a thought!

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    • lol if you understand how important it is to be able to connect deeply and have someone intelligent that can speak life into you when you need it, you wouldn't talk so naively. people who also say looks are shallow are misunderstood and defending their own unfortunate circumstances. intelligence and looks are very deep things that can move people.

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    • haha lovely. actually, come to think of it. I think you have the disability, not her.

    • I do. I have no patience for ignorant people. Also allergic to abnoxious no it alls.

What Guys Said 6

  • Reading your other comments to people, it sounds like it'd be best for both parties if you moved on to someone else. She deserves someone who we'll love her as-is, and you also deserve to love someone as they are.

    Just remember: there isn't a single person on this earth that's not flawed in some way.

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  • So you're letting a disability get in the way of you liking her? That's kind of shallow. I will admit, it depends on the severity.

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    • i have to take care of my parents... and ill need someone hilghy functional with the kids and how complex my life could get. it sounds shallow but i might need someone whos kinda smart... or itll ruin my life or stress me too much... i want to be happy

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    • i dont want to exploit her.

    • I think that a leaning disability does not keep people from being capable of things. We all have challenges we have to face.

  • She is who she is. The label doesn't change who she was for the first two months.

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  • Just look at it from a love perspective. Would you do anything for her? If not, where do you draw the line? If she crosses that line, then maybe you should reconsider whether or not you want to date her. If she doesn't cross the line or if you would do anything for her, then don't worry.

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    • i would do a lot for her. i have to see if i can have the life i seek and if i can handle being a hand for the rest of my life.

    • It might do you good to get your feet wet. Just go for it, then you'll know if you can handle it.

  • Wht you want your gf to do you homework for you. Just go with it if she's cool then be cool.

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    • no i m looking for someone intelligent who can suppoort me and speak life into me when i m down, someone very capable of raising/teaching/taking good care of my children. i feel most people on this question are naive and emotional kids. I've served and helped a lot of people growing up. itll take your life and drain you when you have big goals in life.

    • My sister is a dull blade but she's a wonderfull mother who supports her man and supports his dreams. You dont have to be smart to be a good women. One of my best friends is a women and insanely intelligent and I couldnt imagine being with her because of her male tendincies to be right and argue her point.

  • what is it? if its something that you can't even tell after talking to her for awhile is it really that big of a deal?

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    • its been causing problems. so its not as you say

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