To the ladies who do (or have done) online dating: how many messages do u get in your inbox a week?

I'm very curious to hear how many messages you ladies get from guys, on online dating sites.

1) How many messages a day, or week, do u get in your inbox?

2) Do u have a hard time keeping up with all of the messages? Do u just end up leaving some of the messages unanswered because It's impossible to answer them all?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • In the first week it's the most. I think the first day it was near 50 messages, but then it tapered off by the end of the week to like 10 or so a day, if that.

    It is hard to keep up with all the messages. I typically only respond to those I find attractive or who made it seem like they read my profile. Some may disagree, but I think it would be more rude to send back "Not interested" just to respond instead of not answering at all.

    I'd say the hardest part about it is that normal guys seem surprised I'm on there and usually interrogate me a little. I think I'm decently attractive, but I'm not a 10/10 model. I turn heads but I don't break necks. I'm also busy in my real life, so online dating at the time was really a great option for me.

    But the guys I was interested in would keep giving me the 3rd degree about what I was doing on there, why I wasn't dating guys I meet in real life, and some even assumed I was catfishing. In fact, it built up such a hype that I started thinking, "Wow, he thinks I'm some perfect girl in his head, he's going to be disappointed when he actually sees/gets to know me and all my flaws are exposed. Maybe my pictures don't show the real me, maybe our conversation hasn't shown the real me." Etc etc. It actually deterred me from meeting people!

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What Girls Said 18

  • Right after making my profile, I'd average around 5-10 messages an hour for the first couple days. After the initial rush, I'd say I got around 5 new messages a day.

    I only answered a select few of them actually. If the guy's first message was "hey" or "hey what's up," I wouldn't reply (no effort and the conversation never goes anywhere). If his first message was an obvious copy/paste message, I wouldn't reply (again, no effort). And goes without saying: if his first message was crude or sexually forward, I wouldn't reply (just not into that). I only responded to guys who showed they took the time to read my profile by mentioning a common interest we have, or at least showing an interest in my hobbies or other things I talk about. Basically, I responded to all guys who demonstrated that he had a reason for being interested in me personally. Those were the only messages I saw relationship potential with.

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  • I'm in a relationship now. But when I was online I would maybe, if I'm lucky get 0-1 per day, if even.

    Per week, maybe 1-4. I didn't have a hard time keeping up with messages because I didn't get that many.

    But I did leave some of them unanswered because some were offensive, just looking for sex or just plain rude messages or not a lot of thought was put into them.

    Like a message that just says "Hi." isn't going to get a response from me. Yes that sounds rude, but I'm taking the time to write a thorough profile, and hope that you have at least read it and can ask me a question or something about my profile. The whole purpose is to get to know one another right?

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  • A week? It depends on how often I updated my profile. I also put a filter on a lot of them so I never actually saw most of them. I would say over a 10 a week with moderate activity on the site. If i'm surfing around on the site a lot, I'll get more

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  • It used to take a while to reply. Let's just say that.

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  • I usually get around minimum 20 messages per day. Per week it depends but normally there will be like 50 or more. I only reply to few of them who are really checking out my profile or seem interested to get to know me. Anything like "hi, hey, hello there" definitely won't get any reply from me.

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  • I used to get like 20-30 at the end of the week at minimum. Sometimes it depended on my profile picture I'd post, and the days. People are on the Internet usually on Thursdays lol. It was annoying to try to keep up with however, bc why bother when most people were fake or pervs?

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  • I'm honestly surprised that I've gotten as many as I have since I look terrible. Maybe around 5 a day? I noticed that changing my profile or uploading a new pic brings a "surge" of more people, so I'm guessing the site I use puts me higher on the list if there are recent changes to my profile or something.

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    • Oh and yeah I ignore like 99% of them anyway lol. Very few people on those sites catch my attention, maybe I sound entitled or something since I'm definitely not in the situation to choose any guy I want, but it's just the fact I'm not looking for a boyfriend anymore and I noticed girls don't usually do the searching on those sites, I'm guilty of that at least, or maybe I'm just ugly enough that other girls don't care.

    • You don't look terrible. =)

  • Depends on what kind of photo I use as my profile picture

    I never really took an average poll but maybe 3?

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  • Hmmm i have been to two LDRs already, sometimes i would receive like no message at all a day but sometimes i get 200 or something when we're having text concversations.

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  • About 50 or so for the first week or two and then tapering off.

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  • I average at about 40-50 messages a week on okcupid lately and I think bhonestly just going to delete it because they only let you store 300 at a time and my inbox feels so fast I'm constantly deleting shit

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    • I also have tinder I don't know how many I get in there cuz I barely check it

  • 3 messages per day.

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  • Too many to actually get to read, let alone answer them all.

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  • I do live in a small city. I DO think it makes a difference where you live. But I got around a good dozen a week in the first few weeks and then slowly less. Until it was about 1 or 2 new ones a week

    Ya, especially if the conversations aren't really stimulating. Most just say Hi and you say hi back. - How are you? - Fine How are you? - What are you up to? ... UGH!

    And as some other said, I did put a filter on. I was only looking for relationships, only guys with profile pics and no one older than 10 years older than me

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  • depending on the site 10 - 20 a day with no profile picture and 50-100 a day with one, most of them i ignored because they were one word messages like hi or they would be copy pasted generic messages showing he hadn't read my profile and probably sent the same thing to hundreds of other women that day

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  • 1. I get an average of 15 messages a day.
    2. I read every message, but I don't reply to the ones that are outside my preffered age range (which I specify in my profile) unless the messenger sends a very interesting message. Appearence doesn't matter. Other than that I reply to everyone at least once.(If I send to someone that I'm not interested and he keeps bugging me I usually block them after)

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  • I would get over 50 a day.

    I would look at all of them. It's not that hard to click or scroll lol

    The only reason I wouldn't answer some messages is because I wasn't really interested in the guy who sent it. I wrote back to all the cute/cool ones

    There was one guy who messaged me that I wasn't actually attracted to but he saw me look at his profile and said "I see you looking at me girl" and it made me laugh so I began talking to him and we got to be friends. Possibly more would have happened but I believe he had a gf he was hiding from me

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  • I haven't dated online for a while now, but I used to get around 50 a week. It was pretty hard to keep up with, so I ignored anyone who didn't make it clear that they'd actually read my profile. Most of the guys seemed like they had just seen my profile pic, decided I wasn't too hideous, and sent a copy-and-paste message.

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    • guys i hope you are reading this. This is the number one thing that girls can't stand when it comes to dating online, and its a very easy thing to do

What Guys Said 3

  • Reading the comments by women reminded me why its such a fools errand to try and meet women through online dating. It puts things at a huge imbalance by propping up women to an unnaturally high value. It's not really their fault though. It's not anyones fault really. It's just a situation of artificial scarcity, where because there are so few attractive women on these sites, guys stampede towards anything that looks even moderately decent, and these women become overwhelmed with attention that they'll never see at any other point in their lives. It's the reason why I don't really bother with these dating sites anymore and would much rather do things in person. I mean when a girl is getting 50 messages a day/week, how could you possibly feel like she values the interaction she is having with you?

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  • This may be a little irrelevant but I don't get messages on okcupid, but I get views and likes, if that counts.

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  • As a guy if you really need to feel shitty about yourself try online dating. It speeds up the whole rejection/ignored thing. So instead of being rejected a couple of times a month, you can increase it to hundreds and hundreds.
    I did an experiment once. I took the photo of some good looking guy and made a profile for him. He was a complete ass. A good looking guy with a well paying job, but a total ass on all other levels. It was astounding how women flocked to him. It was so bad that a couple of female friends I showed wanted to denounce their gender.
    My real profile only attracted really desperate undateable women. Funny because in real life when I do have time to go out, I get lots of attention from women. On line my value dropped to non-existent levels.
    Online dating is just another way for women to have their egos stroked at the expense of men.

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