People with eating disorders, how have you handled it in a committed relationship?

My ED is really affecting me right now, so I feel like I may need to tell my bf because it gets in the way of lots of things in my daily life. However, we've only been dating a few months and I don't want to scare him.

  • Tell them
    79% (41)88% (30)83% (71)Vote
  • Don't tell
    21% (11)12% (4)17% (15)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have been Bulimic since 1987.
    I was most heavily in it until 1999. I have been in "recovery" mode since 1999.
    I hope you will check out SFWED. com as it saved my life.
    I can tell you the hardest thing I ever did was tell my wife. We had been married 6 years at that point and together for 11 years. But I had hit rock bottom. After telling her I told the rest of my family. The weight of that burden was gone and it was night and day relief.
    I was able to get into therapy and find support groups. Trust me when I say that all of those "secrets" you think only you know about, we have all done them. It was great to be in a group that others understood what I was going through. The local hospital had both anorexic and bulimic support groups. Since they are very different disorders. Sometimes we had to combine them but it is best when they are separate.
    Anyway, I understand what your going through and it is really difficult. It is something I still deal with almost every day, just at a much lower level then during the worst times.
    Feel free to private message me as i can answer any questions you might have if you don't want to post them.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You should be able to discuss anything in a relationship, but you should also learn to do effectively. Communication is not effective if it resorts to a shouting match or defensive behavior. You need to show kindness, respect, concern, and love. Don't be accusatory.

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  • I know it's a sensitive thing, and it's probably embarrassing to bring up, but you don't want him thinking certain behaivors of yours are because of him. Just let him know what's up, and let him know it's important to you that he be sensitive about it.

    I dated a girl with body image issues (may have had ED, but she didn't say she did) and i agreed not to mess with her about the way she looked. She's beautiful anyway, so that part was easy.

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    • This is helpful, thanks

  • I had a serious relationship with a girl
    who was anorexic and bulimic. She
    When we first started going out, she
    told me about the anorexia and said
    it was in her past. Well she told me
    much later on, that she was still
    anorexic and bulimic. I totally
    supported her because that's what
    you do when you love someone.
    So, tell your boyfriend about it,
    if he REALLY LOVES YOU, he
    will support you 100%.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I happen to have a binge eating disorder, in not in a committed relationship, but I've date a bit (typical high school).

    I've had to fess up about my eating disorder a couple times, but I would by advise telling your significant other until you guys get to the poky where you want to spend your lives together.

    Telling others about my eating disprder totally changed up how people thought of me. It was like they ignored all my good traits and accomplishments, and focused on becoming a food police; my mom even debated on whether or not I was going insane.

    I feel like relationships and dating are my only escape to have someone see me as more than just a girl who can't control herself around food. It feels nice to have someone who focuses on your how beautiful your are and your good points. Telling him would ruin that; maybe not permanently, but enough to get your heartbroken.

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  • Please listen to what I'm saying carefully.
    I'm 18. Have struggled with anorexia for 7 years on & off.
    I have been in treatment 6 times.
    I've been in a relationship for 10 months now. I kept it from him until he really couldnt deny it anymore. He was so sad & cried for quite some time. He was angry as well I kept that from him. I went into treatment October 30th. I've been trying to stay on track since.
    Eating disorders are very hard to under for anyone who hasn't struggled with it. He'd frequently say "why can't you just eat?" "You're not fat".
    Eating disorders are so miserable. I advise you to get help. I'm not going to tell you what to do & what not to sound. But when you're so weak you can't walk up the stairs, & your hair falls out in clumps, & you're constancy cold & all you can do is sleep.
    You want to be able to go out to dinner & not panic over calorie intake or how you're going to hide your food. Etc.
    If you want to take to me privately, you can message me & I'll give you my Kik or something.
    Please feel free to message me.
    I'll tell you from experience an eating disorder life is miserable & in recovery is a much better life.

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  • Honesty is everything. First off if you scare him by telling the truth than he isn't the one. The person you are dating or serious about would want to learn how to help you overcome your eating disorder and get to understand you more. Secrets are not good in a relationship they build tension and diminish trust. Be open.

    No matter what if he doesn't accept your truth you need to remember that you are beautiful. You want someone in your life that will accept you with their arms wide open and find ways to help you and just love you for who you are. Life is hard and when you overcome something in life it defines your true character. You are meant to help others.

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  • I never told any of my partners about my bulimia, and they never suspected it. I'm over it now though, and you really need to get past it.

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  • I honesty didn't date when I had problems with eating disorder. I think that generally you should put all the attention on yourself and getting better. But if you think that the relationship can get serious, you should most definitely tell him. Maybe he won't react the best, maybe he'll support you, but one is sure: It'll be worse if you hide it.

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  • If your partner is not a dumb, he will understand it anyway while you're having meal with him. But you have better to say him first.

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  • Be honest. Honestly, when I had mine I didn't have a relationship, i bearly had many friendships at all.

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  • Don't tell him. He'll just dump you.

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  • Tell someone. They can help you through it. If he really likes you and cares about you then he would do anything to help you and wouldn't leave. Its better to tell him yourself then him finding out another way.

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  • Be honest- If you scare him off then his loss.

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  • He or she will find out eventually. My bf actually helped me though it and now I'm a lot better

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  • I use to be addicted to laxatives. Lost 20 pounds. I have periods now where I try and not eat. If I do eat I make sure to burn everything
    I wouldn't tell my bf that tho

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    • omg. is that an addiction? i drink a laxative tea when i feel fine daily because it does help to lose weight. i dont really think its wrong though. do u use the pill kind?

    • Laxatives is like throwing up
      And yeah pills. I started off with 2 and then would have 6-8 a day

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