Boyfriends mom is being manipulative?

My bf and I have been dating for 4 years and he is 28 and I'm 24. We only see each other mostly on weekends because he is a truck driver and he drives mostly nights and I work full time M-F 8:30-5:30. Well Saturday me and him were out with a bunch of friends so we haven't had time for just the two of us in a while so we decided to go out for lunch just us two on Sunday. Well about an hour before he comes to get me and said his mom wants him to come over. They live about ten minutes away. I said that's fine its been 2 weeks since you seen her we can go over and he was like well she wants it to be a mother son day. So I'm like well we had these lunch plans first and to spend the day together and its an hour before hand. I told him fine go. I asked him if he told his mom that we already had plans and he said he did. Now knowing that you think she wouldn't expect him to drop his plans with me last minute when we don't see each other a lot or she would have bee like well you can bring your gf along. It gets even better he gets to his moms house and his step dad is there his grandma and his aunt and his cousin so it wasn't just mother and son she lied to him to get him to drop his plans with me to be with her in a manipulative way I feel. I don't understand it either because I am always invited to his moms so why all of a sudden am I being frozen out? He said he is going to talk to his mom about him and I feeling hurt. Thoughts on the situation.

Updates:
Said his mom called him about an hour before *

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ah, mother-in-laws. It's fantastic, really.

    While my boyfriend's mom isn't necessarily manipulative--she can be very very hurtful.

    He and I have been dating for over a year, we live together, have a joined bank account and all that jazz. But his mom still treats me like a casual date. There have been weekends I couldn't spend with my boyfriend because she wants HIM to go visit them, not US. The times it hurt me the most were on Thanksgiving, where my boyfriend bought me a plane ticket to go with them to their family event and she told me I couldn't go, and Christmas Eve, where I spent the day completely alone because he was at his parents house and she didn't want me there. My family is broken apart right now, and he's all I have. So spending two of the most iconic family days alone in my bed was horribly depressing.

    His parents also have their hands in our finances, which makes it difficult for me to try and talk to my boyfriend about it. They gave us a car--but kept their name on the title, they co-signed our apartment and they set up our electric bill under their names. While it was nice, I feel like now i have to walk on eggshells because if I piss them off--boom, there goes the car, the power and the place we call home. Which means I get to babysit his sister, I get to spend holidays alone, and I get to have some other woman come into my house and tell me that I am not doing things the right way JUST BECAUSE MY CUPS ARE ON THE SECOND SHELF IN THE CABINET AND NOT THE FIRST.

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    • Right like hello I am about to marry your son you better get used to me being around he isn't 5 years d anymore..

      Not to mention he is completely financially independent which he should be at 28 but she shouldn't be manipulative like that.

      I'm sorry to hear that your bfs mom leaves you out of holidays like that. How heartless can she be that she won't let you come over when you live with him and she knows you will be all alone. You live with him sorry but in my opinion you guys come as a packaged deal.

    • the only reason his parents names are on anything is because he was like ''they want to help and it'll make deposits cheaper'' but i don't think he realized just how much control it gave them over everything.

      I personally don't understand why they do that. Like, I've tried the whole "put yourself in their position" thing and if I was in a position where my son was happy with someone and they wanted to spend time together, I'd let them. Or I'd let them both come over. Or just back the fuck up because he's almost 30 and I don't need to coddle him anymore.

      She didn't have to make him cancel his plans with you. If anything you guys should have been able to get your lunch, and then he could've gone after-- that way everyone wins in a way. Or you should've been able to go. You don't see him much either.

    • Yeah I do the exact same thing put myself in the other person shoes and see how I would feel. I feel the same as you I would be thrilled if my son found a girl who treated him well and wanted to be with him. I could understand more if he was like 17 but for Christ's sake the man will be 30 in 2 years. I agree that she could have at least included me since she knew we had plans. Yes she hasn't seen him in 2 weeks but a lot of people that age live far away from their parents so they see them even less and she is still seeing him just with me. After 4 years and knowing that we had plans first I should have been included.

What Guys Said 1

  • Just kill the mother like you want already, I'm sure the babys gonna understand.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Well you wanted alone time with him, why is it so crazy she wanted that to? She probably doesn't see him a lot either, just like you and your friends don't, so it's normal she wants to now. If she didn't want to, you'd complain his mom doesn't care about him as much as you do instead. It's not like you can't still see him and have alone time with him, he's just splitting his time between his two favorite women.

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    • Oh no I'm fine if she wants mother son time with him. Its how she went about it that bothered me which was expecting him to drop his plans with me. Like if I knoe a friend/family member has plans with someone else I don't expect them to drop them especially last minute. And literally everyone and their mother was invited so it wasn't like it was just his mom and him which made me think I did something to upset her since I'm normally always welcomed over there.

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    • Say if it's things like money issues or something private or embarrassing to somebody, or recently one was when my mom was sick and again when my dad recently went into hospital. One time we had one when some random relative of my mom called my mom for something and we had to discuss that. Just all different stuff. And it's not like we don't bring them because they aren't family, like some even are the parent of my nephews and nieces so they're definitely family, it's just some stuff is best behind closed doors. Sometimes it's not a major thing, just a private thing, hard to explain. The only one in his family I'd say was out of place is his step dad, because although he's family, he's still the same as you almost, so if it was issues, unless it's his own issues, he shouldn't be there either.
      And as for grandparents, that's nothing again, to his mom it's just her mom dad and son, they're all the same.
      Seriously just ask him, if you don't, you'll feel a way around his mom next time.

    • How is the step dad out of place its the moms husband which is family that's like equal to her mom and cousins and son? I'm lost I'm guessing what u wrote was a typo but none the less I ask going to talk to him about this and see what he says

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