Why guys from online dating site prefer texing or talking before meeting in person?

I went on a dating website and met a few guys. Some like want to meet right a way which is great. But a few seem to be putting it off... they prefer speaking with me first on the phone Why is that? Can you tell if you are attracted to and compatible with someone via phone conversation not meeting them first?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • online dating sucks. i have the same problem with girls. literally just yesterday there was this chick i met online who refused to speak to me on the phone, only wanted to text me, and was terrified she might sound awkward. i was like i'm not going to judge you if its awkward, i'm only going to judge you if you don't care enough to try. i tried calling her and she freaked out saying she felt like she was always saying the wrong thing. i told her i'm not responsible for her fears, SHE is, and i'm really not interested in putting up with the irrational bullshit that goes on inside her head so she can either call me now or go away. then today i get a text from her uncle saying he's gonna report me for cyber crime claiming he has proof i asked her to send nudes which never happened and he's just making shit up. he's currently harassing me on the phone daring me to file a police report because i said if he really wants to press the issue i'll file one myself for trying to scam and threaten me. i really don't want to text this guy back cause he's texting me from some weird indian number and it costs me 25ยข each text... but he keeps on antagonizing me just being a dick about it.

    another chick i met gave me her number and said she was going to suck whipped cream off my cock only to later tell me she was married. this is the kind of shit that happens to me in just 24 hours of online dating. i know i'm not the only one. obviously the internet is so full of catfish, liars, antagonists and trolls no one can trust anyone anymore. and i trust it anyway and put myself out there just cause i don't have time to waste on some stupid games women play but it always seems to screw me somehow. I could see why guys would want to at least hear your voice before they meet up in some back alley somewhere and get their wallet and kidney stolen or something

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What Guys Said 51

  • I prefer meeting right away but honestly most girls act like it is "unsafe" and makeup a bunch of nonsense. These girls just end up doing the endless email junk and then eventually stop replying.

    Each person does have a preference as to the length of time to talk before meeting but I think they're just going by what they feel a girl will be comfortable with. If it takes that person forever to meet (due to fear of stuff and nervousness), they are probably a socially awkward person and the date will probably be really bad with long silences and stuff.

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  • The guy i know with the best online success asked to meet right away.

    And his impression? Most girls flaked off. But like you, he found the people who were serious about trying to meet someone, not just flirting for excitement, wanted to meet pretty soon at least.

    I think if you live somewhere rural and you're thinking of driving hours to meet, i get it, but living in a busy city, you meet for coffee or a drink asap

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    • Agree with you at some level. Is good to find if both are attracted to each other. By text is easy to lose the lets-called-it chemistry. But some people is reluctant to meet asap because they feel less safe if they meet right away. And from what I've learned, those who don't want to meet asap, are usually the ones that aren't that interested or those who are not ready.

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    • Is it still considered a success if he has to date that many girls and still may not be successful? Just wondering.

    • @koibito

      Yes. Definitely. He mainly used it to find girlfriends not hookups. He'd set up - literally 5-10 first dates a week. Of those maybe 3 to a second date. One to a third an then either start dating or continue with new first dates. He was never just hoping someone liked him, rather deciding which of several seemed the best match for him.

  • If the person is in online dating site then there is one thing for sure, that he is not good in in-person relations around him and is not really well connected. but there are exceptions situations are not always same,
    There could be many reasons, i have mentioned few of them below:
    1) some just do it in excitement for temporary sort of fun or time pass by flirting, they don't want to take it anywhere, that's why they kept on making excuse and dropping of the idea of meeting.
    2) some are way to shy to meet someone in-person and are not ready to meet person very early until they are mentally prepared enough by knowing a person more.
    3) some do it for fun but they don't want to risk meeting a stranger in real. they just like the fun part.
    4) some just avoid meeting right away because they probably are hiding something about themselves and they don't want you to know it.
    5) some thinks that they are too unattractive to meet someone and make them disgusted about you, so it's better to remain texting/ talking online.
    6) some do it when they have recently have a breakup so they just some temporary support to fix them up, and when everything becomes fine they suddenly vanish at any point.
    7) this one is an example:- a guy lied about himself that he is quite muscular and good looking, then he may drop the idea of meeting you for at-least next 6 months and try to make that kind of personality within this period.
    I have heard some of the online success stories but i really don't know how it goes. i have a bad experience though meeting a person online where she was faking with me for like 6 months she almost made me fall for her then i caught her one day, she use to send me picture of someone else from her instagram, then she admitted that she lied about herself cuz she wasn't confident about her looks she thought i wudnt like her but she forgot either way it's gonna end up same, but by this she played with my feelings too.

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    • i told her that even after all this she did to me, i couldn't let her go it will be really hard for me, i asked if that was her behind the face all time and if her feelings was real and serious for me then i like you more than your looks, for me inner beauty counts above all and i would forgive you and doesn't really care about your look, there is nothing to feel afraid, but i don't know why she still vanished and then never replied me back i kept on texting her everyday for months but no response, i don't know how she could do that to me, doesn't she have heart too? or maybe she again lied to me about her feelings for me. but i am still positive about online and distance relation we all have to start with being strangers to friends, cuz who knows what is in your fate and where you meet a fabulous person that remove all ur guilts, so let the things happen on their own an don't make pre perceptions everyone is not same, some really make it happen and look for serious relation online. :)

  • I am unfortunately doing the online dating thing after a divorce I did not want over a year ago. I think it is important to either text or call the person and have some communication first. I don't want to go out with everyone that I connect with online. Chatting for a couple of days can usually weed out those that you obviously will not connect with. but you certainly never know for sure until you meet. I do not like chatting too long. Once, due to schedules, I texted with a woman for 2 weeks before we finally met. She said "i just didn't feel the spark" WTF? ok, whatever, but what a waste of time. So I chat for 2 days then I will either move on or ask them out. Sometimes it takes longer for us to meet due to schedules but I won't do the 2 week thing again.

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  • Because the point of online dating is to narrow the field. I online date A LOT and its because the type of women I like are harder to find out and about or I just do not have the time to go find them. So I use it to narrow the results to just the ones that seem best and then I narrow that more by talking. Im not in a rush also many girls on dating sites get freaked out if you are too forward to fast. Most of them want to talk for a bit.

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  • I think it is simply where our society is heading. Colder interactions, less physical contacts, more digital feelings before "meeting" (thing that became some kind of last step)

    However, putting some contexts, people on online dating website usually go there because they are shy and it is easier to meet people through it then in the street where they have issue.

    I would say it's a good and bad thing, it eases social interaction for people that have issue with it but tends to be seen as a normal thing, thus could become a standard in human interaction.

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  • First of all, this isn't just an online dating thing, this is a dating thing in general.

    Second of all, from my experience, it's the exact opposite: GIRLS are the ones who want to text before meeting in person. Most guys I know are sick of this to be honest.

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  • A phone conversation can be very telling. I think someone who is serious about not wasting their time should definitely ask for a phone call first, especially if meeting in person is a bit of a travel... reason being some people can message and text very well but in person or on the phone they are not very social. You can tell that the conversation would be very awkward in person if they're awkward on the phone

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  • Yes there are tail tail signs by talking to someone. In many cases you can tell if a person is datable or even some one you would want to hang with just by the way they talk or the manner in which they conduct themselves during a chat session

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  • Conversation doesn't cost a thing, doesn't need elaborate date planning. It's a simple and long-view approach to getting to know someone and their personality first. It's also easy to back out once you realise the other person is not meant for you.

    I've tried asking girls directly out from the get-go, but I think a lot of trouble would have been saved if I had just tried to chat with them - i'd have realised we didn't really click.

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  • Just to blunt. Women get scared way too easy when you say/write that you want to meet them. Women will suddenly block you.

    Since we are more action orientated I am sure most guys would rather meet than write or phone.

    If you want somebody to meet you why don't you ask him or put in your profile that you want to meet people rather than phoning or writing.

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  • Because we want to learn more about them before you take them out on a first date. Just a conversation or two about their hobbies and lives their profile didn't list to see if they have any interests for an idea for a first date. It's also a check to see if you want to spend time and money on these people. Just to make sure they aren't creepy, flaky, or catfishing you.

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  • Meetings can be fun, yes, but it's quite possible to meet someone and still come away knowing virtually nothing about her. I wasn't afraid of meeting a girl too soon, but I always wanted to open as many lines of communication as possible so I could decide if she was trustworthy enough to merit full pursuit. Smart men who "stall" are probably living by the philosophy that it's better to get rejected at first base than to marry a time bomb.

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  • I like meeting directly but I find no one is interested.

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  • Ya I want to at least make sure your someone worth it, especially because I am going to be paying for the date. I don't want it to be totally blind. Plus most scammers won't bother with actual texting after a few days

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  • Sure you can... dialogue has a lot to do with personalities. Talking over the phone lets you see the type of person before actually meeting with them.

    Does their personality clash with yours... likes/dislikes, mannerisms in the voice. Perhaps she cusses every other word... so having a date is just not in the cards hahaha

    For those people who weigh compatibility according to personality, talking on the phone allows you to focus on what is being said and not let appearance weigh in so much.

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  • I would honestly avoid online dating in general. it's just creeps to be honest. you want the interpersonal connection that meeting in person can offer and online could never match. I would urge you to consider not using online dating and instead go to adult classes, the gym, the park, start jogging around the nieghborhood, etc .

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  • Because jumping straight into the pool isn't for most people. Texting, or chatting on the phone first, can give you a very solid idea of what the person is like. Whether they seem interesting or fun or flat out boring and you should delete their number.

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  • Talking to you on the phone would be to make sure you're really a girl. They want to get to know you a little before they show up in person. You know, so they don't get murdered

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  • Because you could be lying about who you are. And meeting go someone is a big chance to take base in a picture or a few messages.

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  • Well for started a good phone conversation is a good way to make sure your not some old dude perving on them no offense or they could be lying about something on the profile such as wieght

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  • To get a sense of your personality better I guess.

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  • How odd--In my world I find that the *ladies* always want to text back and forth before even talking on the phone, let alone meeting!

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  • because you can learn a lot about a person via text. also a lot of them like myself are socially awkward/shy so texting is more casual to us than actually meeting.

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  • First of all congratulations for having the pants to actually be willing to meet in person. In my experience, most girls who have a profile their bio is accompanied by "omg I'd never meet in person someone from the internet".

    About your question, since girls willing to meet are rare, now it's the guys who are cautious. Psychopathic girls exist, better gain some Intel over the phone before meeting face to face.

    Unless they (guys) are all about getting laid. These will wanna meet you ASAP.

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  • I am a big fan of meeting! I have met a few people from on-line chat sites. All but 1 were really good and compatible.

    So I am always up for a meet.

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  • Why? Maybe because every time we ask to meet up we get rejected, supposedly only seeking for a hook up?

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  • What sites are you trying out? I would say that you have a better chance of connecting with a phone call than a text.

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  • I'm going to answer this with a yes and a no. talking to someone and getting the little details of where your from, what your general likes and dislikes are. (although most dating sites cover this) but it also proves your a person and not some internet soulless body. So yeah conversation on the phone via text or phone opens up an opportunity to meet. whether it be at a movie or on a hiking trail.

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  • i dnt think it is something hard there could be lot of reasons 1he wants to know if u r serious 2he could be trying get his fares out before facing u for real 3could be he is not looking for sex but real relationship and women he foind in past was not serious nd many other blah blah reason chill have good day

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What Girls Said 4

  • I met a guy on a dating site and he was keen to meet up right away and I said I'd like to get to know him a bit first, he actually said that because I said that it made him want to stick around and get to know me more.

    I think it's better to get to know them a little before meeting, a week or two of talking can tell you a lot about a person and it's also plenty of time for them to show their true colours, you just have to remember when going to meet them you kinda need to forget about all the flirting youve done and how he acts online because he could be totally different in person.

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  • They want to make sure you are not a crazy psycho or shady or a threat to them.

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  • I find that more women are like this compared to men. I like to make sure a few things are cleared up. Like a mental checklist or first screening before meeting in person. You can save a lot of time and energy doing it this way.

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  • It is an easier way to find out the basics of who you are and what you are like over a couple of texts or phone calls. They are just making sure you are legitimate.

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