What are YOUR first date deal breakers?

I'm recently single again and have took the plunge back into the dating scene. First dates, wow. I'm finding that i'm noticing "deal breakers" so much more quickly than I used to! I do use the term deal breaker lightly, I think what really makes a date bad is normally a number of things rather than one single thing, but still, I am interested to know what kind of deal breakers you have? Big or little, serious or silly, controversial or not, what are they?

It's only fair I start:
1) Talking at length about themselves without turning the conversation on me.
2) Not offering to buy at least one drink if the date is going well.
3) Dirty or really bitten down nails
4) Not walking me to the bus stop or taxi at end of date
5) Burping or Farting (I have to be in deep, passionate love with you before I will genuinely laugh at that with you!)


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What Guys Said 59

  • 5) Burping or Farting

    ... my signature move! You and me will not get along!

    -Too up tight!
    -No sense of humor
    -Using her cell phone too dam much

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  • If she is rude, mean, nasty or has a bad personality or if she can't leave her phone alone. As for farting on a first date well I don't mind, if a girl has gas she can feel free to fart as often as she needs to.

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  • 1) Asking to meet in North Korea (that's 4th date material)
    2) Not liking banana splits
    3) Possessing a cell phone (still usin' that beeper)
    4) Not wanting to come back to my tent and tell stories around the fire

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  • So this is old, but I'm drunk and interested so I'll shed my opinion.

    Phone. Don't fucking touch it, unless you have an emergency. I walked out on a girl once who stopped me mid sentence to answer her phone and blab to her friend. You have no idea what it means to a person you're on a date with and immediately hit the 'silent' button.

    Personality: If I find you vapid, rude, or annoying, I'll call it an early night, pay for the meal, politely call you cab, and never talk to you again. I want a woman with substance, and that involves the parts of you beyond your physical attributes.

    Honestly that's about it. I'm pretty good regarding anything else.

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    • I would have done exactly the same as you , if a girl was just focused on her friggin phone. That pretty much means she views you as worthless , I hope you walked off without a word , people like that do not deserve any acknowledgement , sick of phone zombies everywhere.

  • Stabbing or shooting me.

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  • LOL people burping and farting on a first date would probably never get a second date with anyone. could you imagine someone just letting a fart out on purpose on a first date haha! Talking continuosly about themselves is extremely annoying

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  • I think the subject is an interesting one because I have "deal breakers" but I make sure they are not based on assumptions. What is silly is deal breakers based on assumptions that require lots of behaviour patterns to answer such as "is he/she a serial dater?" Or "commitment issues" or "head case/high maintenance" because the irony is Internet dating by design is teaching people to be judgmental and arrogant. People need to ask and be honest, rather than by presumptuous and judgmental. That is exactly why there are so many single or chronically in a pattern short term failed relationships; they are arrogant and believed their parents when they said "you can be whatever you want, you deserve only the best." There is a reason American Kids rank #1 worldwide in "confidence" but #32 in Academics. Dating is no different. People don't realize relationships are a work in progress, chemistry isn't what makes them work and most internet daters most likely already rejected their Mr. Or Mrs. Right and will never know it. Honesty, I'm old enough to tell you, before Internet dating and text messaging, you usually approached someone and never had more than a few before you committed. All my friends in college before Internet dating, 90% of them are married and none dated more than a half dozen girls in their lives. You were forced to have patience, forced to plan, forced to be courteous because you could just swipe or click your way out of it with hundreds of other options encouraging you to do so. My #1 deal breaker is chronic dating, I let statistics speak for themselves, a catch is a catch...

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    • What I mean by "chemistry" is initial lust and flirting. I've been in a 9 year relationship and 5 year, most people will tell you that have, there is a clear distinction in what is commonly referred to "the moonlighting phase" which can last anywhere from 2-4 year, if cohabitating it is likely going to be no more than 2 years. Thats where sex, lust... basically "loving" someone for how they make you feel oppose to vice versa and doing the gritty hard work like being dependable, responsible, working through problems and life will catch up with the relationship and make it very unsexy and inconvenient at times. When you feel that transition from feeling, to feeling like you have obligations with this monster laying next to you, because you love them beyond how they make you feel, you just passed "the moonlighting phase" and into a more authentic and sincere selfless love. what concerns me is is I think Internet dating is really accumulatively preventing many people to ever getting there

  • 1. Agreed with your 1) as well, who doesn't hate that lol.
    2. That she uses her phone too much. Talk, text, IM or whatever, just rude.
    3. All types of Body Odor or shows of poor hygiene.
    4. Ego-maniac bitches stay away. Always hated when they think they're too pretty. Not that they aren't, but let me be the one to say it, right?
    5. Bullshit. I hate bullshit. Not asking the girl to tell me her whole life in a 1st date, but don't bullshit me.

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  • Talking about her ex.
    Refusing to accept responsibility for any problems in her past relationships.
    Not having any hobbies.
    Talks about having one night stands.
    Tries getting on to me for a joke I make.
    Withholds important information such as having kids.

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  • Here's a few more on top of the usual ones:
    -short, boring or one word answers to questions (ie: not doing much to keep the conversation going)
    -not much eye contact
    -pulling out their phone all the time
    -asking a ton of questions while you're eating so you're talking away with a rapidly cooling plate of food and they're happily munching away and listening.
    -being late without explanation.

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    • Generic replies and one word answers with no attempts to further conversation are the worst. If it's quiet unless I'm talking all the time then it makes me want to end the date early. Funny thing is some girls that are like that will claim you're boring when they're the ones who are.

  • I want to know about her, not her dog, her mom (maybe her kids) and definitely not her ex's.
    I am a gentleman I open doors, pull out chairs, stand when you get up or sit down, if this offends you, you have offended me and there is no need for us to ever talk again.
    I have a vast collection of hobbies and interests, certainly we can find SOME common ground if not, sorry to have wasted your time.
    bad table manners
    No effort when it comes to personal appearances. Makeup and clothing doesn't have to be expensive but certainly show that you care about your appearance (big plus for original).
    I am fairly well known in the kink world, but I insist on at least some courtship before I tie you up, I am not a BDSM prostitute thank you very much!

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    • lol, now i have to add fairly well known in the kink world as a turn off. Basically fairly well known in any sex related field is a turn off.. I can just picture this.. you're dating Anpu23? Oh yeah I've definitely heard of him. Know some people he helped get off in fact. Want to know how he is in bed or have you already done it?

    • Well it doesn't help that I've done both on stage stuff and p*rn. I have a big dick, and many people have seen it (hence talk about it), and make toys. I also study shibari (Japanese intricate rope bondage) and an active member of a now defunct bondage forum site. People know who Anpu is (yes that's my pen and stage name) and my reputation often proceeds me.

  • Well firatly , i have to apologize for this late opinion.. anyway i'm also back in the game after staying single for one whole year ut actuallu sucks because there is like no one caring about you.. or so it feels

    I think when it comes to first dates the inner feelings of one each other are not as mild and u are not used to each other.. therefore the person that you on the date with shouldn't act too foolish.. or rather not be too "himself-like" on the first date
    1) he really should nog giggle as much.. meaning he's not serious..
    2) well obciously shouldn't fart and stuff because that is unmannerly and not romantic on A FIRST DATE
    3) "Clean && Neat" that is my motto :) , your partner should always be clean and neat at first and when u guys get to know esch other you could start mellowing things and start acting foolish in a romantic way

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  • I believe that noticing more of these deal breakers is a sign of readiness for more mature relationships. Also a good set of standards to hold. In my opinion, I find it sad that people don't go by said standards. A lot of it is really common courtesy and respect.

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  • If she's always on her cell phone talking texting or just playing with it. If she does not say much and if she bores me and if we don't have to much in common

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    • I feel pressured when a girl doesn't say much and is just boring overall. I feel like I'm trying too hard. Lack of common interests is a turn off too. No, we don't have to like the exact same stuff but it makes it hard to enjoy things together when there's no common interest. That being said a lack of physical attraction is bad too.

  • -Talking at length (10 minutes) about a family members medical conditions and rambling on about equally random and not even remotely interesting things.

    -Hating on my dirt and concrete infused nails that don't seem to want to clean despite trying everything but the power of an a-bomb.

    -Coming over to watch movies and hangout, then saying you dont want to watch movies, play anything, see anything, or do anything, while refusing to suggest anything. (Seems like she's just not feeling it obviously), then for some reason asks for a second date..

    -Her wanting me to walk to a bus stop or taxi instead of just drive her back :p

    -Bitching about exes somehow ( I dont talk about any deaths in my family or past relationships and try to avoid such topics) so if you somehow find a way to think of your ex, doesn't sound like you're ready to date.

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    • About that third one... I think it means she wants the D

    • Nah she didn't even seem that into my arm around her, only girl so far that wasn't. Twas really fucking awks.

  • For me it would be lying by way of nondisclosure.
    For instance; the picture you sent is 30 lbs ago. The extra weight is not a problem but it is if you're not representing yourself honestly. That offends me because it's more of a statement that she thinks I'm to shallow to judge the whole person.

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  • 1 just keeps talking, without noticing that i´m not interested in the topic at all

    2 expecting me to pay for everything (i am not a cheapo but i hate traditional gender roles and especially gold diggers)

    3 given i met her through a dating site: she obviously heavily fotoshoped herself better on her profile.

    4 she wears a shit ton of makeup/perfume

    5 she has those fancy ass nails

    6 she can´t carry a conversation

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    • Some fancy nails are very pretty. Maybe you mean the crazy completely unrealistic ones? also known as talons. lol

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    • To be honest, even as a girl i don't like the look of false nails. But then again I think given my no. 3 deal breaker i might be just particular about hands in general haha

    • yeah dirty nails are nasty xD if one isn´t even clean for a first date, i can only imagine how dirty the person is otherwise.

  • If we can't have an intellectual conversation about a wide variety of things then definitely a turn off. Would also like her to be into and knowledgeable about sports but not a requirement. If it lasts, she will become a Seattle Seahawks fan lol.

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    • She shouldn't need to "become" anything for you, she is who she is

    • @MissMc3 He didn't say she "needs" to. Also, that joke flew past your head.

    • It wasn't a joke, it was stupidity. And he said "she will" as in she needs too. Understand yet?

  • A local girl once asked me out to a Mexican dinner. Picked me up, I gave her gas money and we spilt the bill, she bitched the whole way there about how at nearly 30 she had no kids or husband and during the dinner she didn't talk at all I could hear my fork clanking on the plate, and I never heard from her again, it was the worst date ever. I asked to go for a walk in the park and she said no I'm tired and I never heard from her ever again the whole thing was just odd. Why ask me out if you aren't interested?

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  • Telling me about each friend who does something I do but better.

    Talking for the entirety of the date about what an asshole the ex was. (But will accept a short story, though that leads to the question, why did you choose such an asshole?)

    Talking about money.

    Talking about what her friends own/can do in a show off way. (Would rather wanna hear what she owns/can do)

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    • haha 'Telling me about each friend who does something I do but better.' , this is ridiculous. I have my encounters lol

  • 5) Burping or Farting (I have to be in deep, passionate love with you before I will genuinely laugh at that with you!)

    Lol what if the guy does it on accident?

    And for me farting is always a deal breaker and I'll let the girl know from the beginning.
    What else? Bad hygiene and smell. And I can't stand women who bad mouth others behind their backs. Backbiting is an instant turn off. I hate shit talkers and I see a lot of women who do it.

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    • If it seems like an accident I will let it go. I just went on a first date once and his burps were never ending. My ex farted in bed once and I thought it was funny because he was asleep and didn't realise what he was doing haha. Bad mouthing is good one, big red flag!

  • When she talks about herself too much and her problems with other girls that is so annoying why do girls think we care about their problems with other girls?
    I don't know all of them, but that is one of the biggest ones also when she exaggerates one of her small problems into making it a big problem.

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  • Generic, one word answers with no attempts to further the conversation. I wanna have a date, not an interview.

    Bringing up exes is another, bringing friends without permission or notice, mentioning sex life, pictures end up being super misleading and that's about it.

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  • 1. You start telling me about "stalkers" or such, but don't carry a knife or pistol.
    2. You play head games.
    3. You don't contribute to conversation.
    4. You are boring at conversation. I understand that some professional or school might be fascinating to you. I don't give a damn. I didn't ask out Amy from Big Bang Theory, and that was on purpose!
    5. Talking about guys you've had sex with/past boyfriends.

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  • Taking your cellphone out on a date, farting, burping, having a high count of guys, single mother, having STI's, nagging, complaining, complaining about her bad boy ex, no responsibility, being late, being rude, controlling, talking too much, having a mundane charisma, red flags, etc. If I see or hear any of these things, I am out.

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  • 1) Doesn't actively listen
    2) Unintelligent/cannot express ideas effectively
    3) Doesn't have goals/ambitions in life more enticing that drinking/partying/shopping/etc
    4) Works in sales/marketing (unless they hate it)
    5) Smokes tobacco
    6) Poor grammar
    7) Is religious
    8) Is distrustful of science
    9) Is monogamous
    10) She has to be interested in some form of nerd culture

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    • I was about to give a thumbs up then I got to number seven.. dude, you care that she likes sales and marketing but religion and monogamy throw you? really?

    • I hate sales and marketing, and find most people who do it professionally to be irritating.

      And I'm non-religious. I find it difficult to trust the judgment of someone who believes in magical beings who live in the sky.

      And I'm polyamorous. I date multiple people who also date multiple people. I'm not willing to limit my love to just one person. Monogamy doesn't work for that lifestyle.

  • Go with your guts. If your enjoying each other's company you'll both sense it. Just enjoy the ride ( no pun intended). Don't try and break down things and analyse them or they're never look the same again. The first half hour or so you'll feel anxious and everything will be a bit strained but that's normal. She'll feel the same. If you aren't relaxed and enjoying yourself within about an hour then something ain't clicking between you though

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  • I'm fairly easy to please.

    -disinterested
    -won't contribute to the conversation
    I don't want to have to drag a conversation out, will make the date boring and awkward
    -rude or unhygienic
    -flaking
    -too uptight

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  • If she seems bored, disinterested or disengaged;
    (this includes using a mobile phone, or answering it);
    If she rejects my advances;
    If there's no sexual tension;
    Complaining about people is fine, but don't overdo it. Try and balance with positivity;
    If you ask me where this is going, or if I'm playing for marriage, I'm leaving (sorry sweetheart, but if I just met you, you have 0% chance of me having a view on that)

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  • BAD BREATH

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What Girls Said 37

  • 1. When the guy is too grabby: (tries gripping the arm, when on the couch sets his legs down over mine to keep me from leaving the room.)
    2. If he is overly religious and uses it to justify his misdeeds.
    3. Talks bad about his family, Shows no respect for them.
    4. When the guy wants to know all about me, but not voice what he's all about.
    5. Alcoholism, substance abuse a total turn off.
    6. Wants to rush into marriage.
    7. stds.
    8. Buys me a bunch of gifts, the whole buy her love thing seems suspicious.
    9. playing with a knife and stares at me< its freaking creepy!
    10. A really bad criminal record.
    11. Makes the date last 5 hours.
    12. Constantly texting someone else, its kinda odd.
    13. bad tempered.

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    • religious and justifying misdeeds really shouldn't go hand in hand... how does that even work?

    • Ok like this one guy was very hypocritical using certian things in the bible out of context, twisting the meaning around to justify his wrongs. Even his sister that is a avid church goer took notice to it. It was very confusing.

  • I agree with 1,2, and 5 of your reasons.
    . being rude to a waiter/waitress.
    . forgetting to take wedding ring off lol
    . Not paying for the date
    . ordering for me
    . odor
    . completely into himself

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  • 1) Bad tippers
    2) Constantly checking phone
    3) Talks about exes
    4) Talks about himself too much
    5) Negging is an automatic fail
    6) Orders for me without asking what I want (I'm not fucking with you, some guys still do this- and they expect you not to make a fool of them by interrupting and ordering for yourself lmao)
    7) If there's even an insinuation of "let's go back to my place" I'm out.

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  • 1) Not as good looking as I remember him
    2) No flow in conversation/I have to begin faking interest (which i'm good at) but they won't see me again
    3) No presence of chemistry, no flirting, no touch

    These things rarely happen though, I don't blind date. If we're on a date 50% of the time we've already kissed. Most likely thing to happen is number 2 on my list.

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  • I don't like it when a guy think he is God's gift to woman. Rudeness is a big turn off. If he has no personal hygiene. No sense of humor. Is not even being a bit of a gentleman.

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  • The first date or deal breakers because it's when they finally get the see how you really are a lone that's why I hate it whenpeople try to do like the first date as a double date it's just it's wrong because you need to have time alone to figure out if you two actually like connect or not

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  • This goes for guys and girls I date.
    1. Farting is a no and burping obnoxiously.
    2. Texting constantly/ attached to phone.
    3. Talking about ex a lot.
    4. Talks about self entire time or won't say anything about themselves.
    5. If they have no sense of humor.
    6. Being rude to whoever else is there, i. e. waitresses, other patrons etc
    7. Not tipping.
    8. Not listening/ constantly talking.
    9. Can't stick to one subject.
    10. Has no ambition. Different from not knowing what to do in life.

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  • If he's late and doesn't bother to call to tell me that

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  • I've only got two I can think of but they can cover a pretty large range of behaviors.
    1. Bad personal hygiene
    2. Rude/bad manners

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  • Turnoffs:

    Pushing to get physical.
    Bad manners
    Ugly teeth
    Poor hygiene/smells like cigarettes or weed
    Not wearing decent clothes u go to dinner in
    Doesn't offer to pay
    Talking himself up/embellishing his stories
    No sense of humor
    makes me keep the conversation going
    Boring or doesn't have any interesting hobbies

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  • 1) Not adding to the conversation causing you to come up with all the topics.
    2) Doesn't like anime or PC/Video games.
    3) Coming off to clingy and rushing things.
    4) Isn't open minded or thinks outside the box.
    5) Doesn't act humorous from time to time.

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  • Burping, as long as it isn't done carelessly if fine, but farting is a deal breaker.
    Bringing up stories about my ex this and my ex that.. Especially a lot!
    Not having proper table manners is huge
    Smelling, or looking unclean
    Looking at me with the same eyes he looks at his bros with. Even on first times you can kind of tell the difference. His eyes should brighten to see you.

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  • - If i do all the talking
    - They're constantly on their phone
    - Have no manners
    - Full of themselves
    -They did not offer to pay (i would politely decline but i just want to see if they're cheap or not)
    - Broke

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  • 1.) Smacking food. (Like nails on a chalk board.)
    2.) Beig rude to waiters/waitresses/anyone
    3.) Arrogance
    4.) Negativity

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  • Not getting me off is a deal breaker

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    • You are more geared for Tinder. Not even remotely related to relationship.

    • @TigerDK16 such a wonderful insightful worthwhile comment lol

  • I am a sapiosexual. Guys who are smart turn me on. I like intelligent conversations mixed with flirting.

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  • I find out he has kids

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  • Being on their damn phone.

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  • A guy spending more time on his phone than conversing with me. Facebook is a huge deal for me. Nothing but exes trying to com back And ruin things. I don't care to have my door opened, but walk me to my car. And wandering eyes.

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    • I agree with the phone ordeal. It can also be a sign of nervousness, but not when you're having dinner. If it's not clicking, you'll know it.

  • sloppy eaters. ew.

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  • No sparks, no second date. That's it. And the sparks disappear if the guy is doing something that is impolite or disgusts me.

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  • Talking about only negative things would be turn off

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  • Here are some mentions:

    1. When men get drunk
    2. When men belch, fart, or don't use ANY manners
    3. When men don't pay for the date
    4. When men don't show chivalry
    5. When men talk too much
    6. When men don't listen to me
    7. When men don't interest me in the conversations they do have
    8. If the date is at the movies (WORST first date place ever)
    9. If the date is too boring
    10. If the guy ONLY talks about himself
    11. If the guy refuses to pick me up
    12. If the guy refuses to call before he picks me up
    13. If the guy has no charisma
    14. If the guy doesn't hug or kiss me
    15. If the guy tries to get sex from me
    16. If the guy is a non-Christian
    17. If the guy claims he's not conservative
    18. If the guy mentions having no family values
    19. If the guy doesn't eventually want marriage OR kids
    20. If the guy is not financially stable

    I can keep going on, but these are 20 off of the top of my head. Other than that, you're good.

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    • I passed all of them except 16.

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    • I think your goal is to fail. Better off being single. Even if a guy passed all of those criteria, he'd probably lose interest because you ask for much and probably can't contribute as much back to him.

    • So you're not a feminist?

  • can't hold a conversation.
    Wears baggy/saggy pants.
    Doesn't look like his picture (it was years ago).
    They don't even take the initiative to dress up.

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  • 1:talking about sex ( who does that when ur just meeting?)
    2:not being a gentlemen
    3:keeping himself a secret (only talking about me)
    4:constantly talking about money or how great his job is
    5: no manners

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  • If they want to have a sex

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  • showin off bout there job or there body is a deal breaker xxx

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    • I thought having a great job is attractive. When the hell did that stop? That's the first time I've heard this. This definitely isn't true of late 20s, early 30s.

  • Well I been with my guy for a while now but I definetly can't stand a guy that smokes cigarettes

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  • Talking excessively about the ex and sexual innuendos.

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  • 1) talking at length about themselves without turning the convo. on me

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