Men, can you have a casual/sex relationship for months with a woman you don't like at least a little bit?

This is an ongoing argument in my house right now. I feel that I would not be able to have sex with someone for that long at not have SOME kind of feelings for her while others here have no problem with that at all.

How do you feel about this?

I'm NOT talking about one night stands. I'm talking about calling/text this same girl 2-3 times a week, asking her how she's doing, her doing stuff for you, stuff like that.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • yeah i wouldn't be able to put up with that shit. i mean i probably wouldn't be after a 1 night stand to begin with but once i realized that the sex was the good part and even that wasn't worth being friends with someone so obnoxious... well part of what makes the sex good is if you actually like the person so even thats gonna suck or at least be meh. i've been there, i think we've all been there, you're hitting on a girl cause you need a warm place to put your meat and then she opens her mouth and you remember how much you can't stand this girl and you're just like, i can't with you anymore. but of course you never say that to her face cause she'll throw a hissy fit so you just gradually drift apart and become the kind of weird sex aquaintences that you end up running into months down the line, and secretly kind of resent resent but are like, oh, hows the job, you got a new dog, oh thats nice. small talking her like you met her at work trying to pretend you didn't have your cock sandwiched between her at some point

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What Girls Said 14

  • I'm not a guy, but c'mon... there's got to be some attraction to that girl before you have sex with her. I have a hard time imagining a guy having sex with a girl who is butt ugly and maybe looks gay herself or maybe don't even look like a girl (unless if that's your type). Attraction and love though, it's a different thing, but I believe there's got to be some attraction most of the time.

    If there's no attraction, then it seems like a desperate act to lose your virginity. By the way, I am religious and am saving myself till marriage, so honestly, virginity is not a bad thing!

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    • He's not asking about physical attraction in isolation he's asking about " liking" her as well as being attracted.

      And yeah I'm sure sex requires physical attraction:)

  • I feel like sometimes a girl will just give sex so willingly that a guy can call her whenever he's horny, but not respect her at all. If they never bother to try to get to know her, they might never develop feelings for her.

    But from what I'm reading in the guy's section, I might be wrong, and I'm kind of happy to be wrong :)

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    • You know, I hear guys talking about girls giving sex freely, but what about guys? Do they not realize they are usually much easier than we will ever be? Or that the girl might be thinking the same thing about the guy? "Ok, all I have to do is laugh a little and I'm getting some disk tonight!" I mean seriously? I know I'm a female and there are guys I had s fuck buddies that I never would be in a relationship with, and it wasn't that I was giving it up for his benefit, it was for my benefit just as much as his... actually more for mine since had a problem coming and I have no issue in that area.

    • Yes it's true that we really only talk about girls giving sex freely! But unfortunately it is widely believed (and with reason) that sex means more to women than it does to men. When a woman gives sex, she gives up more than the man does. This is not always true, but it is often the case.
      Women are more sentimental sometimes and they might need a greater attachment in order to have sex. :)

      I think it also has to do with the fact that, in this society, we consider that women's greater asset is her sexuality, so people have a tendency to judge those who give it freely. It makes them feel like they're playing their best card because they don't have anything else to play.

      But I'm impressed by your situation :) I really like it when women turn these clichés around. I never thought about it that way.

  • I agree with you. There has to be something

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  • I wanted to say that I at least would have to like the guy or girl as a friend, even if there weren't a huge emotional attraction that I wanted to be in a relationship with them. I have had friends that I liked hanging around with who eventually became my fuck buddies... but if I couldn't stand their company, I don't think I would be sleeping with them, no.

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  • Yes you can. A lot of guys stay with girls they hate for the sex.

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  • A man or woman would have a hard time having a friends with benefits for several months and not at least like them. Esp if there is some form of communication several times a week, even if just a text.

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  • Is something that your currently experiencing?

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  • You would probably would have feelings for them unless you're a careless prick

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  • Isn't that exactly how guys work? I don't know. I've been in the situation from both sides and being the one with less feelings can be surprisingly difficult if you're moderately human.

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  • So a fuck buddy situation. People do that all the time

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  • I think it depends on the person. This guy lied to me and made it seem like he liked me but really didn't and we screwed around for almost 2 years.

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  • Only guys that can fuck someone for months and not gain feelings are sociopaths and psychopaths!

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    • lmao you're kidding right

    • Show All
    • Phew I had a friends with benefits for six months. By the end I did develop feelings for her even though she wasn't very attractive. I did try to move into a relationship with her. She agreed and then cheated 2 weeks later. At Least I know I am normal and not a psycho.

    • I'm like you @ranma187!
      Fell for him but he felt zero for me! I learnt the hard way

  • I'd call it emotional cheating and worse than physical cheating.
    I wouldn't put up with it

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  • I think they'd probably have to like her enough to stand being around her for months, but maybe they mean they still wouldn't have any genuine feelings for her.

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What Guys Said 43

  • It's physically possible, but asinine to pursue. It just gives her leverage to accuse you of stuff. If she doesn't love me, and I don't feel anything for her, I don't owe her jack. And I'm not giving her leverage she hasn't earned.

    There are feelings, always. They're hard-coded in the brain that a man and woman bond after sex. To ignore or suppress romantic feelings, just to continue the delusion of no-strings-attached sex, is unnatural and wrong.

    And trust is huge. If I don't trust a gal completely, I wouldn't even want her taking her shirt and bra off in front of me, even though I enjoy breasts. If there's nothing true between her and me, then I simply cannot justify it. At that point, sex is completely out of the question.

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  • I have said this on here before but it merits being said again.

    I have never had or seen friends with benefits work practically. Usually at least one of the partners gets emotionally attached. And often this leads to hidden feelings which builds resentment and puts a sudden end to things on a hair trigger.

    Perhaps there are some people out there who can do this with no issues. But I have yet to meet them. To give you frame of reference for where I am coming on it. I have had 3 friends with benefits partners and 7 friends who have had at least 1. I feel like out of 10 instances, with all of them ending abruptly and usually on bad terms. And, none of them developing into something more real. I am not far fetched in my assertions about it.

    Maybe there are certain types of people who can keep this up and make it work. But, I tend to think both would be narcissistic, almost completely emotionally shut down or sociopaths of some variety.

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  • Don't like romantically or in an attraction sort of way?

    I won't even engage in long conversations with girls I'm not attracted to. That sounds wrong, let me rephrase that.

    I won't have in-depth conversations with women that I'm not attracted to. I won't ignore them but I won't really try to learn about them much.

    I can have non-sexual relations with girls regardless of my affection for them though. If I like them, I'll definitely hit them up as much as possible (albeit not in a stalkerish way) but I can also go in-depth with close girl friends.

    No issue with that. Your question is a bit vague.

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  • Well if there's contact involved obviously there's some kind of feeling there if not they wouldn't speak until booty call time came around

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  • Me personally no and I think most guys would say no if they were honest. Its just very against basic programming.

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  • I could not. Not a one night stand and not texting. That sounds like too much work for someone I don't like. I'd rather spend that energy on someone I do like.

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  • nah bro, i wouldn't be able to make love with a woman on several occasions and not feel attached or have no attraction towards them thats just me, i have never had a one nightstand, and i dont think i ever will, i also dont like the idea of casual sex, its a very emotional experience its not supposed to be casual...

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  • In a casual relationship, no I'd have to feel some sort of way for her. I could though (and many other guys fall in the same boat) use a girl just for sex and sleep with her for months without any feelings. But that's slightly different and not something id ever do.

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  • Could I? yes I could do that I suppose.

    Would i? Nah I can't lie to myself like that just to gain sex really, pretty much if I did not like that person it is genreally for some valid reason of why I would not enjoy their company let alone think of having sex with them.

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  • When I was younger, I think I would have said that I could have sex without increasing my level of attachment, because sex is just a biological function that is not love. It feels good, so what? Yet, I generally am not attracted to people who I do not admire, and I certainly could not endure sex with someone who I disliked.

    These days, I feel like I can not separate sex from emotions, and would get attached. I am not certain why this change has occurred.

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  • Well, liking is different than having feelings.

    As far as not gaining feelings, then yes. Done it before.

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    • "Well, liking is different than having feelings."

      ... Elaborate?

    • Well I like my PS4, I don't have feelings for it. I just enjoy having fun with it. Same thing can apply to a friends with benefits .

  • Ha... That's tough, never done this but most men would develop some kind of relationship with the lady. For both sexes, meaningless sex can always turn into some sort of passionate relationship.

    It's a bit unavoidable.
    I've had little feelings for a sl*t who gave me- ... never mind.

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  • No, have absolutely no in interest in that.

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  • If that ever happened to me I would most likely develop feelings for her but I'm weird and I fall really easily for people lol

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  • I cannot, but many guys could.

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  • It would be hard for me to honestly, I don't surround myself with people who have a negative effect on me. But if she was hot, then yes I'd put up for it with a little bit, but once she or I cut it off, It would sting only a little bit cause I'd miss the physical comfort, nothing more.

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  • Nope no chance. Resentment would build up somehow till you couldn't sit in the same room as each other. Casual sex with a girl only works if you can at least get on well with her

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  • If they are asking how eachother are doing then it is more then just sex. If it was just sex they would be like hey you ready to fuck? No? Ok hit me up later. End of story

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  • Depends on the girl.

    If she is a shallow girl/materialistic I would just bang and not give a damn about her.

    But if she is a keeper I will make the sex worth it for her.

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  • Maybe in the beginning I would have no feelings but would eventually start liking the girl

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  • i could have sex with girl i didn't like, could not ask her how she is doing and care about her if not like her

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  • I can´t have a casual relationship. The only time I had one I felt like crap.

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  • ya man i had something like this where we would have sex a couple times a week.. i made the mistake of saying i love u during sex and she started to say it to.. we eventually got into a relationship... sex was amazing

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  • guys may or may not want a relationship , but guys have to have sex... guys will always take sex , love is secondary... duh

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    • He IS a guy. He's not asking you about guys he's asking you about " you".

  • Have to have good sex chim with a borderline to no socialization situation. If it's 3x a week I think part of the personality don't add but sex connection is strong.

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  • Males think with their reproductive organs. Our sexual urges have not evolved since the cave men ages.

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  • No, I don't think I could, honestly, and I'm pretty sex-oriented.

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  • Dude, that's not casual sex. That's full blown friends with benefits.

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  • No. It is not my style.

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  • I've considered it.

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