Gf seems distant. what might be going on?

been with my gf for almost 6 months. we used to text almost everyday, but now once school started everything changed. texting frequency decreased dramatically. i know she is super busy with classes and work, and she even makes time for dates. but whenever we're together she doesn't seem to like PDA (hold hands, etc) and seems bored (doesn't talk a lot anymore). I'm not sure what's up...

for Valentine's she made me cake, but didn't want me to stay at her place. we're both kinda busy today so don't blame too much...

is it OK to ask her what's wrong? is this normal? any help?

Updates:
looks like she's also blocked me on Twitter (idk how long). but i can still access her Facebook and other social apps... so really confused
we're gonna have a chat on Tuesday maybe? i'm super worried

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude fuck what everybody else is talking about. It's your obligation to ask what's going on when you're confused in a relationship. If you feel bothered by something she's doing, then you have the right to ask her what's up. That is absolutely the right thing to do. Talk to your girlfriend and get to the bottom of it. Take it from me... I'm a fucking Engineering major... nobody is THAT damn busy... especially for your boyfriend or girlfriend. I know guys in computer engineering who have girlfriends AND part-time jobs and still have time to fuck around. Ask her what's up.

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    • can't argue with that. the talk will happen...

What Girls Said 5

  • As wise as I am and as quick to pick up on a sure sign of the changing of the times here, dear, there is Definitely something going on that doesn't smell too sweet in Denmark With-----Looks like she's blocked me on Twitter... this is a Raised Red Flag sign that is a Singled out signal that there is someone and other things that she doesn't want to let you see because this is the start of her part of her not wanting you being this Busy body in her own business.
    It's quite obvious with her changing like the weather, that she most likely is Not feeling she wants to be in this Real Relationship right now. You have openly admitted that ever since 'School started,' she started to give you these writings on the school walls and all that she has become 'Distant.'
    Yes, you both need to have this little 'Chat on Tuesday.' You need to get on the same page with one another as to what is going on and what you both need to do now. It doesn't have to be etched in stone on my end that she is not a stone's throw from wanting to be this free bird, and it Is 'OK' to ask her what's wrong.' She is giving you not so sweet messages, even on Valentine's day when she didn't want you laying your hat for the night. And from where I am sitting, if you don't get to the Pin Point of it, it will continue to go down a beaten path, end up War of the Roses and more that will leave a sour ball in your mouth.
    I realize you are 'Worried,' and you should be... she needs to be honest and you need to see what she is telling you and be strong enough to accept that she may have other interests.
    However, be smart as well... don't let her have her cake and eat it two. She has choices to make and it's time she made them. You have to wear the pants now and get to the bottom of it once and for all.
    Good luck. xx

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    • Wwe got together and talked yesterday. She said she didn't know what's wrong with herself. Was unsure about her feelings or what she wanted to do. I told her I still cared for her, and was open to listen if she wanted to talk. So I suggested we should take some time off so she can figure herself out, and she agreed. I'm not sure what's she's really thinking (whether she wanted to break up or not)...

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    • yeah also she said she wanted some individual time. and I respect that. I'll wait. I'm just not really prepared about how long to wait...

    • It's called Her space and no, don't wait, just get on with your life... there is really no telling how long it will last... I find that even with myself, I need this all the time and have never really been committed to a Real Relationship my whole life and even when I I came back to the states after marrying a husband out in Egypt, I failed miserably... she may too and no telling if she will change or end up finding someone else whom she can relate to more in her life... it's an unpredictable situation... you both didn't talk about a break nor a break up which you should have told her that for now, she should at least take her break and see what happens... she may even want you to move on with your life and for now, just start slowly get on with it and start focusing on you. xx

  • 110% normal. College takes up so much time and energy it's hard to have time for the person you share a room with let alone anyone else. Just be patient and I'm sure she'll do her best to make up the time with you during breaks.

    If cake doesn't say I care, I don't know what does.

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    • she's made plans to go on vacation with her girlfriends for spring break (without me)
      not sure if that's one way of avoiding me or not. :(

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    • she said she'll make time on Tuesday. Why the wait?

    • It could be she has a paper or project due on Tuesday and after that's done she'll have time. That's awesome that you guys will get to meet up so soon!

  • For a little hi, she doesn't need a whole day or something. Being busy , I respect it. But if it continues all the time, and no efforts, there is something happening obviously.
    Just ask her what is going on. What she is thinking. Just be direct. Communication. You can't read minds, she can't either.

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    • how should i go about this talk? i don't want to come off as a needy douche etc...

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    • She said she didn't know what's wrong with herself. Was unsure about her feelings or what she wanted to do. I told her I still cared for her, and was open to listen if she wanted to talk. So I suggested we should take some time off, and she agreed. I'm not sure what's she's really thinking (whether she wanted to break up or not)...

    • Break up or not. We can not know. Give her some space.
      Now you just have to wait. How long... well i do not know.. If something good gonna happen, waiting is not bad at all you know. Just be patient.

  • She's just busy like you said.

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  • She's just busy like you said. Just give her some soace

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    • how much "space" should i be giving her? it's been like this for 1.5 months now...

What Guys Said 4

  • be direct, ask her for a coffee or do something you loved to do, do something were you are both active and having a good time, see how she is, what did you 2 like to do, went to the movies, to an amusement parc, or do something wild and crazy she wouldn't expect but will appreciate. if she still acts cold, than face her at her place, go by and just ask if there is something wrong , dont say we need to talk because thats a sentence with to much impact. if she still acts distant, cold and indifferent, the only thing you can do is, to tell her you need some space and time for yourself, because you dont feel the same level of commitment coming from her. you need to be the one, its hard and sounds counterproductive but its about only one person, that is you! its about you! if you are in controll, she might regret it, if you leave it up to her, she will do the typical female thing, come up with reasons to justify the break up or distant behavior. i wish i did that because than i would have been in controll. girls like men who can make decissions and feel independent from them. she is stringing you along, and you need to stand up for yourself. and when you tell her you need some space, dont contact her, dont ignore her but dont contact her for at least a week or so

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    • yeah we're gonna chat at her place. hope this will help clear up things

    • what i would do before having that chat with her, take her somewere special, something fun and exciting. just see how she responds to that, you need to build memories with her, things she can think back about. if she still acts distant than i suggest you do talk to her and take controll, take some space. i would just try to arrange an amazing date, justgive her some dates, and tell her, pick a date , and keep it free, leave the rest to me. maybe things became a bit ordinary and she has stress due to college and therefor wants some me time, be mysterious, create memories :)

  • i think maybe she could be getting pretty busy with school. I would just lay back and do your thing and keep your mind off it. the more you obsess, the more she will withdraw. women can sense that stuff, it's in the way you act.

    start going to the gym and join some other activities or something, anything to keep your mind off that.

    Also I would wait till mid winter break or spring break and see how her availability is then. if she is still aloof when she is on school break she is just not that into you.

    I would seriously let it rest and lay back play it cool, don't be a fool, sit on a stool and look cool, capiche?

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    • for spring break, she's made plans to go vacationing with her best friend (without me)... so i'm not sure

  • give her space?

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  • Either you aren't busy enough or she's too busy I don't know. She sounds sorta cold and detached she could be planning to leave you or she's upset and wants space but yeah are very much entitled to ask her what you feel don't just sit pondering bro

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    • yeah i'll hope for the best then. ugh

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    • Hmmm a phone call or in person might be the best way. I think I'm person that way no excuses like this happened to my phone and you can ask what you want and you can see reactions and everything

    • yeah we're gonna chat today... so stressful

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