Am I wrong for thinking about leaving after five years?

So i've been with my bf for five years... He is verbally abusive... sometimes he doesn't talk to me for two days because he didn't like something i said... he never has money he spends all on weed an i always spend my money when we go out. he wants us to get married this year but i dont see how we can get married when he can barely provide for me as his gf and i'm not stingy but i believe i spent enough he always say he is a "big man" i think is time he actually starts acting like a big man or i'm going to leave. I told him is either weed or me earlier and he hanged up an turned his phone off.


0|0
24|20

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah he isn't good enough for you sweetie pie.
    There are men out there that will treat you much better than him but you can't meet them while you are with him.
    It will be a rough 6 months as you will be a mess as you have been with him for a long time but things won't ever get a lot better than it is, it's up to you if you can settle for him or want to go through 6 months of hurt to possibly find someone that will treat you the way you deserve.

    1|0
    0|0
    • its easier said than done love makes people so stupid. I sometimes feel like hitting myself real hard for putting up with his crap and he cheated twice also so i did take a lot frm him i'm definitely better without him

    • @asker trust me I completley get it which is why I said even though he is bad you will be messed up for a while.
      I was married to someone who was extremely abusive for 3 years, it took me a long time to leave her even though I new it was the right thing to do.
      It took me a long time but I've been out of it for 10 months now and I've just recently felt over her properly.
      It's hard to love a bad person. But that same bond you can have with someone who deserves it if you decide enough is enough and want more for yourself :)

What Guys Said 19

  • You're wrong for NOT thinking of leaving after 5 days honey! Sounds like a pot-smokin, sexist, pig with inadequacy issues. Drop that leech and find a real man, not some parasite!

    1|0
    0|0
  • He is still a kid. Nowhere near being a responsible adult. Unless he "gets religion" and quickly turns around, he will only provide you with a life of pain. Time for him to act. Counseling (and doing what is discussed) or dump him and move on.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Wow what an asshole. Smoking weed occasionally is fine, but when its more important than your girlfriend then you're a real pleb tool. how do guys like this get girlfriends? "HURR DUR I BIG MAN, I BIG POT HEAD, YOU PAY FOR ME ON DATE" . Tell him that he's a big baby.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Holy cow! This is definitely something you don't want to continue pursuing. I'm shocked how a guy gets to that position after he's been with a girl that long. It makes me nervous, I'm a really sweet guy but this gets me thinking if i'd be the same after 5 years. How was he in the beginning of the relationship? I suggest you leave because I really doubt getting high and mistreating his girl is gonna get him the lottery ticket of life. Dump his ass while he is high. What an arsehole, seriously. I know plenty of guys like him, and their girls are always the pretty ones... it sucks seeing the pretty ones waster their time with jerks like him. Find a nice guy, with a job and priorities. Learn a new language and live in another country.

    0|0
    0|0
  • So what is keeping you with him outside of habit?

    0|0
    0|0
    • i love him a lot and keep hoping he changes but i'm starting to think its never going to happen.

  • Everyone has a breaking point. It looks like yours has been reached. And after 5 years, you can't say you didn't try.

    2|0
    0|0
  • well so long as you didn't meet him while you were a pot smoker and expected him to change and nag him all the time about it, that shit would have me resenting a woman right away too, also I've been a "fixer upper" boyfriend before as soon as you change for a woman the way she wants you to change she leaves you, course you could never change and that would happen too, all i can say is leave him if your unhappy maybe he'll change for you or do what i did and just get with another girl in 2 or 4 weeks after i got over the last one

    0|0
    1|0
  • Bail! Bail! Bail!

    Run away! Run away! Run away! (If anyone still watches that humor.)

    You get the point. At some point it is time to put the weed aside and get work, school, etc. done.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'd say you've been with him too long...

    1|0
    0|0
  • It took you five years to come to this decision?

    1|1
    0|0
    • My thoughts exactly. Praise the Lawd for your revelation my dear.

  • Yeah, he's a loser and you deserve someone better! I would even treat you so much better especially if you were mine! ;-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Kahahaha! If that were me in your place, his ass would be grass and dumped fast. No guy should ignore his lass, ever. Well, if she's getting bitchy, maybe... but no other time!

    1|0
    0|0
  • You should talk to him about it first and explain to him the situation and that if he wants to be with you that he really needs to grow up. If he doesn't change after that, then you have every right to leave him and find somebody else who you feel treats you the way you want to be treated.

    0|0
    0|0
  • one of my rules is, don't hang with druggies. i suggest you make it one of your rules, too.

    1|0
    0|0
  • If you're not happy, then leave. Time to love yourself enough to get out of the situation.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No, you are not wrong. He's a pathetic asshole that doesn't deserve you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What? Did you even read what you wrote? That guy is a complete living delinquent. You probably wasted five years of your life trying to look pretty for a boy with no future. Is this another example of...
    Why do girls like bad boys?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yep from all U have stated U would bupid to give him Another day of U'r life !!!

    0|0
    0|0
  • So, what's the question here?

    0|0
    0|2

What Girls Said 24

  • He's verbally abusive, a pothead, and can't provide. Sounds like a real winner.

    Look into your future? Do you wanna be fat miserable living in subsidized housing with unkempt kids complaining that your man ain't shit? Then keep this man around. All men like him do is bring you down.

    I work with women who have put up with men like him for years and it doesn't bring any joy and happiness. You could reshuffle your cards and get a king not a joker

    1|0
    0|0
  • You are not selfish at allll... If I were you I would leave him as soon as possible because he obviously doesn't deserve to be with you the longer you stay with him the longer you are delaying your life and your time to find your soulmate for another person that doesn't deserve anymore time/energy/or thought

    0|0
    0|0
  • Oh sweetheart, you may be frightened of being single after so long but believe me, a great guy is gonna find you and love and appreciate you for all you are and more. Things only go up from here, you're definitely not wrong. You tried the best you could to make it work, but it takes two to tango. Obviously he doesn't wanna make it work between you and him, he wants to stay stuck in his illusion. I'd say, if you really love that guy: give him a last ultimatum. If he still refuses to change, pack up and go. You deserve so much better, and you will get so much better. Believe me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Leave him and save yourself the heartache and drama.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No you have every right to leave, hell you should have been left! How can he talk about marriage when he don't even know how to act like a boyfriend? He clearly doesn't care about your feelings at all and he chose to blow you off for weed. Tell him off then dump him

    0|0
    0|0
  • Break up with him. when you are gone he will no that he made a terrible mistake.

    0|0
    0|0
  • leave him. Baby girl you deserve better then what your getting. The fact that he hanged up on you when you ask him that it shows that he picked weed over you. You need to stop caring about him, stop loving him. Start loving yourself and do whats best for yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you get married and things dont change you will have regret and then find it harder to leave. Either seek counseling and see if it helps enough to stay or move on without him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why would you want to stay with someone that hurts or abuse you emotionally? You can't expect him to change. Their addiction is apart of their personality. No way going around that and expecting him to be 'nice'.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just leave him. He's a worthless piece of you know what. He's giving you a preview of what living with him will look like

    0|0
    0|0
  • You shouldn't have to deal with any abusive relationship. Get out while you can. You'll feel so much better afterwards! It's a difficult path since you've been with this guy for so long. But you're not happy, and he doesn't seem like he's going to be stepping up to the plate anytime soon. It'll be scary, but there is definitely someone else out there that will treat you right. Once you find that relationship, you'll think back about how glad you were that you left this one!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just leave him if you are not happy.
    You don't owe him anything. it may be hard but your happiness is more important.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Your not wrong, this guy is a dickhead who doesn't deserve you. He's a verbally abusive pot head and you should leave him, you deserve better. You don't need to be around crap like that. So please don't marry, if you do you'll regret it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's pathetic it took you 5 years to figure out that your boyfriend is a worthless POS

    0|0
    1|0
  • Yes, leave his ass

    0|1
    0|0
  • Leave. Nothing more to say. Sounds like no future for you two. It's easy for me to say though..

    0|0
    0|0
  • No sweetie you are not wrong he does not seem like someone you should marry if weed is more important then you are to him

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would have left a long time ago

    0|1
    0|0
  • Run... don't look back...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Leave him. Just leave if he doesn't want to spend his money on you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dump him u know better then to stay. He will never change. He sees u as his cash cow.

    0|0
    0|0
  • NO WAY DO NOT MARRY HIM. Spends money on weed and not his own girlfriend that just proves how much care he has. If you got married he would probably waste your money on weed and you would be stuck with him

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Wtf were you doing for 5 years? Take your stuff and get out. No girl deserves any of that crap that you've put up with. 'Big man' my ass. Sounds like he's a jerk. Nothing big about that. He's one of those classic gangsta, over-masculine, waaay too dominant guys. They make me sick.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You need to break it off- it sounds like a toxic relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...