Should I be the one to pursue? Can I get a Christian's advice?

As a Christian, I have grown up to believe that men should be the one to pursue a woman. I have always agreed with this view but am a little unsure what to do in my situation. About a year ago a classmate showed interest in me but I didn't allow anything to happen because of my own insecurities and fears. I lost contact with him for a while but my feelings never went away. Since then I have allowed God to work in this part of my life and I believe he has given me the confidence I need to be in a relationship with the guy that I like. However, I know I may have caused him to become hesitant in pursuing me because of what happened last year, so I may need to be the one to make the first move. In this situation, do you think I should be the one to pursue or allow him to decide whether he wants to give me another chance and pursue me?

Updates:
To be clear: by 'making a first move' I mean asking the other person on a date/asking the other person to be in a relationship. This doesn't mean one person can be lazy or passive while the other does all the work. This isn't what I meant, just in case you were wondering!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Go for it. There's nothing "sinful" about making the first move.

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    • I've honestly never thought of it as sinful; I just feel like I should allow him to make the first move if it's his desire to do so and I don't want to take that opportunity away from him. It's still a little early to know what will happen but if I am the one who needs to do it I certainly will. Thank you!

    • I'd still be single today if the woman I'm seeing hadn't reached out and spoken to me first. Nobody ever fell in love without being a little bit brave. Good luck. :)

What Guys Said 7

  • I agree with you that men should pursue women, but it doesn't hurt to tell him that you're interested.

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    • Yes you're absolutely right. Thanks!

  • Honestly even as Christian, I believe we chose what to do of or own free will. Besides that I think you should start talking to him again a little bit at least, then who knows he might then decide to pursue you. If not than you might have to pursue him. Regardless, make the choice.

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    • Thanks for your comment! This semester I know I'll have the opportunity to speak to him more often so I definitely won't pass that up. I just don't want to feel like I'm taking the opportunity to make the first move away from him if I do it. But if he doesn't take it then I know I am going to try.

  • I agree with what the other person said let him know you're interested.

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  • Not a Christian anymore, but I haven't forgotten how to answer from that perspective. That said, there's no relevant Christian teaching on this matter, go ahead and ask him out. As the saying goes, "God helps those who help themselves."

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  • i don't see anything wrong with it

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  • Manipulate him into perusing you

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  • Here's what you do, ditch Christianity because we all know by now that it isn't grounded in any scientific evidence and laced with misogyny ( should concern you since you're a, ya know, woman) and go approach him, ask him out, and stop relying on subjective, archaic "values".

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    • I have a hard time not picturing you fapping to your own reflection in a mirror as you wrote this. 😋

What Girls Said 5

  • If you think you've made him hesitant then yes you should pursue him because it would be stupid on his part for him to try again. So honestly if you wanna be with this guy I think you're only option is to pursue him

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  • Hmm, I never knew that the man had to pursue the woman. I think it should be equal on who makes a move.

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  • You can try to pursue him, you said above you believe God has given you the courage, so go for it!!

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    • by the way this question will get a ton of hate, but I'm a christian!!

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    • Did you see my response to her question? Or do you assume you're being attacked and jump all over people for no reason? Because that's exactly the kind of behavior I was warning about.

    • I'm grateful for both of you and for all of the helpful comments I've received. And don't worry, people can hate on this question and on my faith as much as they want but I'm not ashamed! :)

  • I think you should ask him out. You can't wait on him forever. Some guys don't make the first move because they're that shy. You should go for it. You don't want him to be the one that got away.

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  • Hey :) I'm a Christian, too, and I grew up with this same idea... recently though I decided it wasn't actually something grounded in the Bible. It's more of a conservative cultural thing that tends to be found with Christianity, I think.

    Technically, he started it last year, anyway, so it's more like you'd be picking it up where you cut it off than you just starting something out of the blue.

    Either way, I think you should go for it. :)

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    • Hi :) I believe the Bible is pretty clear in that the man should take the leadership role in a partnership (however this does NOT mean they're unequal), and it's just a personal opinion of mine that the man should usually be the one to ask a woman out first. I do agree with you that conservatives may place a little too much importance on 'technicalities' and what ultimately matters is whether we care enough for each other that we can make the relationship work.

      And you are right; the main thing that concerned me was making the first move and not allowing him to pursue me if that's something he wants to do again. It's still a little early so we'll see what happens, but if it's up to me to do something then I will do my best to make it happen :)

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