Girls, guys truly don't like to be chased huh?

I noticed everytime I took the initiative I end up empty handed. Specifically with "shy" guys, you would think they would like it right? Nope. They always turned me down at the end, even when I just asked for their number.

I truly think no matter how much they say ask him for this and ask him that (to coffee, their number, or just out in general). They do like the guessing and making the moves even if their nervous. They like to be confused about your interest ie. chase you.

What have you found to be true?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • the thing about shy guys is that they might think you are joking and giving them your number to have a laugh or as a bet.

    They have low self esteem, so of course they are going to look at it in a negative way.

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    • Does being a shy guy equate to having low self-esteem?

      I just thought they were just less socially motivated and introverted. But yeah they do seem down on themselves in other areas in their life.

    • shy and introverted are 2 different things.

      Shyness is the fear of negative judgment, and introversion is a preference for quiet, minimally stimulating environments

      I'm quite quiet and a natural introvert, but im not shy at all. i'll happily talk in front of people and talk to random strangers if needed, but im happiest when things are quiet and I dont mind my own company at all.

      I've been told before that I am quietly confidence and I guess that sums me up pretty well. People who are shy tend to avoid anything which puts them in the spotlight.

    • Wow that's very helpful.
      I literally thought it was one in the same like, to be shy then you are introverted.
      I didn't know they weren't correlating traits.

      Wow this puts a lot of things into perspective for me.

What Guys Said 12

  • When I was single it has never been a problem for me. I'm kind of surprised you ended up empty handed.

    Maybe the world has changed while I was under a rock.

    I tell you the truth, even if I found you to be undesirable or not to my preference of things, I still would have gone. Where there is one girl, she is bound to have girlfriends. I wouldn't two time her or pull any jerk stuff, just get a good review as a friendly and amicable person from her can pay off down the road. Heck, she may even be the one to put you together.

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    • No come to find out they find me attractive they just don't do anything really. So it's not me chasing guys that don't want me period and I think of them as being shy. Not the case.

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    • That is a horrible thing for them to do for a whole lot of reasons. The first of which the colossal demonstration of lack of empathy, without regarding how that would make you feel. The second is nobody I know has ever won over a girl with a wingman, and sometimes the wingman snipes the girl because he is obviously the confident one. They are a real liability. It's just bad decision making.

      You poor thing :) Well, the ONLY thing I think you can do is in the future when you ask, explicitly add you would like to see them alone. It could mean a faster turn-down, but on the upside maybe a bit more of a timesaver.

    • Thank does seem like a more practical thing to do.

  • Normally I don't follow the dating topic but thanks to @Pedantic I wound up here.

    To understand shy guys, read this article:

    http://www.succeedsocially.com/shyguys

    It will explain why they act in such odd ways AND how to respond to them.

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    • I took a look at that and I'm suddenly imagining white lab coats and straight jackets.
      Maybe 'shy' is a label to start getting away from now days...

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    • Sorry, that comment was directed to Pedantic, as a response to his last comment. Just ignore me & read the article. That's the useful stuff.

    • Damn, I relate to a lot in that article. Now I has a sad.

  • I've only ever been truly pursued by one girl (not just hints, but "I like you. Here's my number. Let's hang out.") and I did date her.

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    • Did you even like her or did you just like the fact she made a move?

    • I didn't know her that well. Just a couple of small conversations. I was attracted to her. Plus I just find aggression in women attractive. She was fun to hang out with for a few months but unfortunately, she was a bit crazy.

  • Your conclusion is completely off.

    We shy guys love being chased and we love you taking initiative, as long as it's not out right confronting.

    You will notice if we're into you, by the way that we respond to you. Smile, talkative, and most of all: attend to what you're saying (responsive)?

    Bring the coffée "ultimatum" out if you think it's going well.

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    • No I don't find this to be true. If you're talkative that doesn't make you shy now does it?

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    • I don't believe shy guys are sex-minded that's why I like them. They're different in my opinion. But I noticed in a lot of questions about shy guys, non-shy guys tend to answer and basically seem like they don't understand the real concept of being shy. They say things like "I'm shy but I asked women out all the time. If he's not asking for your number half way into a conversation maybe he's not interested?" It's very eye roll inducing to sift through that and find real shy guys. You came off like one of them so I addressed it accordingly. No real offense intended.

      I wanted girls to answer because I've talked to guys in real life about this situation and they do not seem very self-aware. They would say they like a girl to ask them out in theory but when I see a girl they actually like do just that I overhear them implying she her being easy in actuality. It's annoying and I found guys not to have reliable opinions on this sort of thing.

    • My inital comment was a bit grumpy, my appoligies. I have a bad day.

      I feel what you're saying and i share your views expressed in your last comment. However, I think it is not reflected in the initial question or our coversation until here.

      I think I back out of this now... proabably more harm than good done here by me.
      Good luck

  • Rejection is the norm. I think your being rejected just demonstrates how common it is, not how much guys don't like the chase.

    Most men I know don't mind being chased at all.

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  • Most guys would absolutely like to be chased. I've seen a question like this put to a class of people. All the guys said they'd like it. Chasing is not fun. Screw the chase.

    I would think that those guys just aren't into you.

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  • I do and every girl 9 times out of 10 that have chased me I would love to date them

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    • But did you date them?

  • I hope I don't sound like an asshole, but whatever, the guys you talked to don't owe you shit, just like if a guy comes up to you, you don't owe him anything either. Maybe they simply don't like you?

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    • I hope I don't sound like an asshole, but whatever, you can't read.

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    • I really don't care about your interpretation on this so you can just stop.

    • Well you asked, and I gave an opinion, what more do you want? Do you just want me to say some generic comment like the rest of the guys?

  • Maybe they aren't attracted to you.

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  • I'm not sure why, as a shy guy I'd love for a girl to ask me out.

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  • Women like the one's you've described are very 'in your face' and that intimidates shy guys.

    You have go slow with shy people as I've found out, you can't just go into the situation like a bull in a china shop because you'll scare them.

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    • It's always literally months in between us talking. It's annoying.
      I know I'm a burst of energy but I'm not in your face. I'm shy myself when I like a guy but I know I want to trade numbers after one convo. They don't show or act that way so I leave them alone.

      Then months... like a half a year later they want to drop hints. It's pretty eye roll inducing. It's like what changed? Then I'm confused because I think they're playing because I show interest again and then they do nothing again for months.. it's annoying.

  • maybe your ugly?

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What Girls Said 7

  • Yes! I totally get you. Whenever I would make the first move, I'd still get rejected and I know that the guys had a thing for me too.

    When I met my boyfriend, I flirted and basically let him know I was interested in him, but I didn't make any of the major first moves. He got my number. He texted me first. He put his arm around me the next time we hung out and HE asked me out.

    Most guys say they want a girl to make the first move, but to me I think it's bullshit. I'm not saying there are no exceptions, but I think most guys like the chase and THEY like to be the ones doing the chasing.

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    • Thank you! I know right?
      Yeah I think I should learn how to flirt instead of being forward.
      It seems all the "chase" they want is flirting if anything.

  • Sometimes I don't know. I think no one likes "the chase".
    I have asked out a handful of guys, they were "shy", and I had no luck with any of them. Maybe I just am asking out the wrong shy guys. Maybe they didn't like my looks or personality, who knows?

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  • I've found the opposite. Maybe they just weren't interested?

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    • They were.

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    • What the fuck did you want if not a response to your question?

      You didn't answer my question.

      Ok you did, but you didn't answer it right.

      I don't want you to comment on my question...

      Well fuck off and stop asking questions if you don't want to hear answers!

    • Calm down, I'm just not here for personal advice.

  • Guys usually love it when you chase after them. I've never ended up empty handed. However, I don't usually go after shy guys so maybe that makes a difference?

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    • Hm maybe?
      I've never not chased a guy that I considered not shy because I don't feel the need to. I think oh... well... they'll come back eventually..

  • Well few do and some dont

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  • It's a coin toss. Half the time successful. Just depends on the guy and how they feel about you.

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  • I'm not sure. I think it's fun for them if you make it a little challenging, but it's important not to push it.

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    • Right? But see like I think "not to push it" = pulling back. But if I pull back isn't that basically leave them confused. That's what they seem to like because then they start chasing a bit. In the end... they're still ones that like to chase.

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    • I wasn't implying anything. I wrote exactly what I meant to say.

    • Not saying you wrote wrong but you didn't have a real opinion on anything but you wrote ideas that are considered "chasing" a guy so in conclusion it seemed you were leaning toward agreement that they like to be chased. Even though you said be a challenge.

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