7 years ago I fell in love with a girl named Jenna we were together for almost a year and I broke up with her because other girls were interested im also a guy who didn't want to cheat. I've been dating for years now at this point but not one of those girls were close to comparison to Jenna. I mean there's a one and only for everybody right? Well Jenna was my one and only. 7 years has gone by since I held her close I can't stop thinking about her. We still talk sometimes but whenever I mention hanging out with her she stops talking to me then I ignore her to try to make her pursue me but no progress has been made. What should I even do every song I listen to she pops up in my head or I can just see our lives in a teen movie replaying over and over I can't help it what should I do?
Most Helpful Guy
What you're doing is called "mental masterbation." It's a bad habit of trying to relieve emotional highs and lows by reminiscing about "lost love" or "that amazing adventure."
In your case it's harmful and kinda childish... not to be insulting... because I can relate. :(
This is what you're doing... let's imagine that you had an amazing glass of chocolate milk one morning while super thirsty, and it was the greatest chocolate milk you've ever had. But because you like other drinks you put it aside to try some other beverages. And now that you've quenched your thirst you're trying to go back to that chocolate milk in hopes of reliving that amazing first drink... except it's been 7 weeks and that damn milk is expired.
And now you're trying to drink the expired milk but you can't seem to figure out why it's so terrible, even though you really really love it and want it to be not expired.
Can you see how crazy that sounds?
The facts are this...
1) There's no such thing as "the one perfect girl." I can accept that some past experiences are going to be super awesome and hard to beat. But of the millions and millions of single women available it's pathetic to pretend only one is perfect for you.
2) Love and romance is a two way street. It's gross to be chasing and fantasizing about someone who's no longer into you. That's called stalking. I'm saying this bluntly so that you can slap yourself out of this day dream in order to get some perspective. Love means accepting that someone else might want different things from us.
3) You're likely chasing this past dream because you're feeling lonely or depressed or what ever. Being lonely is okay. Being alone doesn't mean you need to feel lonely. It means you need to reconnect with other people you love, like family and friends... and yourself! When you feel safe and loved you'll have better perspective.
I hope this helps!
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