Guys- will you really stop texting your chic friends once you're in a relationship -_-?

Is this always the case or do you just stop texting ex girlfriends and girls you used to have feelings for once you're in a relationship? This guy that used to like me last year and who I ended up liking back but external factors made it impossible to be together decided that we should stay friends. He says he loves how my texting conversations with him are always about deep and meaningful things since most of his texting and regular conversations with girls are surface level... but since he was officially in a relationship has started to ignore all my texts and is being distant. I would have understood if I was his ex-girlfriend or a girl that was trying to "come on him" but he is the one who stressed he wants to be friends with me, all my texts to him have been on various life or philosophical matters, and my last text was congratulating him on finding the right girl-- and yet, still no response and distant conversation in person... is this normal for you guys?

  • yes, its normal
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  • no, its not normal
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  • Its normal to stop being involved as much with fwbs and exes- but not chic friends
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Updates:
So it's been about a week or so since he has been in this relationship and I took your advice and just left him alone. Now he is starting to text me late and joking around, wanting to hang out more than before. I don't know why he is doing that, but I'm not responding to any of his late night texts and being polite but distant in person... Its just, the more I pull away, the more he seems to be trying to get my attention. Is this also normal?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm. Me personally? I don't care if he has friends that are girls.. But it worries me if I knew they had been really close together in that situation before where dating was possible, before dating me. If he was up talking to me during the early mornings of the night and her at the same time. I would be fucking pissed. Probably would question why I'm in a relationship with him in the first place.

    That being said, you can have lots of chick friends, just have a time and day when you contact them.. just don't do it when your talking to me

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, I will not stop talking to any of my friends - regardless of my history with them or their gender - to appease a new girlfriend.

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  • He's probably busy or his new gf told him to not talk to you. I wouldn't communicate with the friend, potentially, if I spent my social energy with the gf. Otherwise I don't see why I wouldn't still communicate with the other girl assuming I still enjoy her friendship.

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    • I kind of answered from my perspective, assuming we were purely friends. It's completely likely that he saw his relationship with you as something potentially more and now that he's in a relationship he may not want to spend energy communicating with you because he may not have really cared about the platonic side of your relationship much ultimately.

  • No. What some girls may not realise is that your guy friends consider you as a potential love interest, which may sound like lunacy to girls but it is true, if things do not go will with their main squeeze then you better watch the #### out, because they may come after you next.

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    • No, that is not normal for me, everybody has a back-up if a relationship were not to work out.

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    • My comment above was in reply to the question in the heading.

      Okay maybe I should not have put it that way, I understand what you mean (if I like a girl and she kind of likes me but goes off with someone else then she better not come back to me if that relationship falls through, I would not like to be anyone's runner-up either).

      Based of some of the other comments that you have written, it would appear that he is essentially doing the same thing, however in your case it seems to be at the friend zone level, which sucks given that you enjoy talking to him.

    • That's not true for me. I can definitely have purely platonic female friends.

  • If we find you really attractive and you interest us, we just might.

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    • Just trying to clarify: If you find a chic friend attractive you'll stop talking to her after you are in a relationship?

    • I thought you represented the girlfriend. If you are fun and not pressuring him to spend time with you he will.

What Girls Said 4

  • It's either that his new girl doesn't want him to talk to other females.. in which case he needs to grow up. Or now he has a a girl he doesn't need you as he was just keeping you around in case you two could work it out.
    Either way just forget him, its his loss and not yours.

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    • Thank you! I feel like you're the first one to respond that actually sees eye to eye with me concerning this!

  • A lot of guys do this, even I do this and I'm a girl. It's not always because the our boyfriends/girlfriends want us to, I don't text my guy friends anymore out of common decency. I wouldn't like it if my boyfriend was texting other girls all the time, so I wouldn't do it either. I think it's just being considerate of your boyfriend/girlfriend's feelings.

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    • I see what you mean, thanks for giving me some insight. I suppose part of the reason I'm having trouble understanding is because my perspective on the matter is very different. In my past relationships we both trust each other to have friends of the opposite gender. Of course there are certain rules and boundaries, but neither of us has ever tries to cut the other off completely from there friends. And maybe I'm also taking this a little more personally than I should- I guess I just don't like being close friends with someone when it is convenient for them. He ignored me the last time he was in a relationship as well and then wanted to spend a lot of time after she cheated on him and they broke it off. I don't want to do that again because it makes me feel like a commodity.

    • I could see how you'd feel that way. I've been in your shoes as well, my best guy friend would do the same when he had a girlfriend. I thought it was annoying, but his girlfriends were always crazy. One tried to fight me once which was just ridiculous lol. But now that I'm with my boyfriend, I don't talk to that guy friend as much anymore either.

    • We like to keep in touch with our friends because they are people we like, a lot of our friends are in 'the friend zone' because we like them for no other purpose more than being a friend, in most case we cannot even fathom of them being any more than that.

  • You sound like your jealous that he has a girlfriend and you're getting blanked. Why don't you find someone who is single to talk too? Relationship comes ahead of friendship.

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    • I am upset, although I can see why you might think it sounds like jealousy with the limited information I have provided. From my perspective, if he really feels remaining friends with me will jeopardize his relationship and we really are best friends, all he has to do is communicate that with me and I will understand that and respect him for it. Instead, he blows up at me when the situation is reversed but expects me to just go with it whenever he is in a relationship. Friendship is a two way street and best friends should have more respect for each other than that in my opinion.

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    • From what I understand, asker, it sounds like you just don't understand why he stopped communicating with you now that he's seeing someone. I think careyberry is looking at you as having alterior intentions with the guy in the relationship.

    • Sure thing d (^_^ ) I suppose I can empathise with how you feel because I am going through a similar situation with a girl that I know, I do not get the chance to talk to her as much as I would like to and I feel like that is diminishing our friendship.

      There have been girls who have taken a liking to me in the past, and whom I have also, however, an intimate relationship could not have flourish between us due to unfavourable circumstances at that time, in-spite of that, I am a little saddened that not even a friendship could remain after it, all of the girls who I have known demonstrated to me that they were not interested in continuing a friendship with me (romantic friendship, who knows), the thought of them still crosses my mind occasionally (that is okay because I am single) what depresses me is that they probably do not think me.

      When I like a girl, that is for life, even if an intimate relationship does not come out of it, that does not mean I give-up on future possibilities.

  • Yes of course because he has a girlfriend for all that stuff now. And if I was the girlfriend I wouldn't want him texting other girls even if there just friends.

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    • Just to clarify, you would just want him to give up all his friends that are girls?

    • Yes and he done it for me because I done the same for him. I stopped texting my guy friends out of respect to him because he doesn't like it. I know a lot of people that do this I've had it do to me but a relationship is more important. Would you like it if you're chilling out with your bf and some girl is constantly texting him? I think most girls would get pissed.

    • You can still be friends with someone and not text them when spending time with your bf. Should you give up your female friends too so they won't interrupt your time with him as well? Asker, not everyone gives up friends they really value when starting a relationship. I suspect the "friends" she's talking about are likely guys that were hitting on her.

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