Why does a guy still want to be friends after a break up/rejecting?

So this guy and I were emotionally involved for a year. We disguised it as friends and tried to remain friends but we got very close and I don't think a day went by when we didn't speak. At one point, he kissed me (just before I moved to another country). We're in Europe so long distance would have been highly doable as I visit home almost every weekend or month.
Anyway, after the kiss... I felt like I wanted to know where he stood. He said it shouldn't have happened and after a lot of consideration he decided he didn't want "this". I was heartbroken because we became so attached and close. He was a consistent factor in my life and I never thought he would abandon me so easily. He said we should remain friends but I didn't see the point. He attended a party about a month later, somewhere he knew I would be and wanted to mend things but nothing much came out of it. Atfer 2 months, I reached out to him.. as I had been extremely depressed and felt ready to. We were friends for another 2 months and I recently told him I can't do this and need to move on.
However, whenever I ended the option of being friends (1st and 2nd time) he was the one who really didn't want it. Especially this time (because he probably knew I was done). I told him I have nothing left to give and this will never work. He apologised for hurting me and said I was very important to him and he wants me in his life because he cares.

But he said if it hurts me then he has to let go. Why would he bother being friends if we never really were friends? We were like a couple from day 1, flirting and going on dates... holding hands, sharing everything about our lives and doing everything for each other. I never understood why he wanted to give it up and then why he wants to be friends if he made that choice. Why would a guy do this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he hurt you and he's still undecided about where to take the relationship you guys share I don't see any benefit by keeping him around.

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    • Thats why I let him bear the consequences of his decision. He wanted it so why should he be upset

What Guys Said 1

  • He probably just wants you as a friends with benefits like a hook up buddy and nothing else sorry to inform me. Guys love sex and although we are more likely to have sex with someone we are just as picky as girls are when it comes to looking for a long term realationship with someone.

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    • *inform you

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    • Yeah I am thinking he thinks he can't do better than you so he wants to settle down with you like a 2nd place trophy or something.

    • to be honest, he can't. Im smarter, better looking, nicer and more put together. But I still loved him

What Girls Said 2

  • To be honest, I don't know his real intentions. All I figured out from what you wrote is, he doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment like you want.

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    • but isn't itr true that if a guy likes a girl, he will go for it?

    • Yes. But in that condition, you mentioned, there is no game. He is not open with you. He is not totally playing a game, but he is not totally honest either.

  • Your broken aren't you?

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    • I was, I'm fine with it now. When I decided to be done this time, I really had decided. His reaction surprised me. So much care and concern, so many apologies and so much hurt... from the man who rejected me. Just when I thought men couldn't get more complicated. I still walked away anyway

    • Good for you

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