He won't do long distance relationship? Why?

It's not really a long distance ( 45 min drive) . But I have a feeling that I need to move out cos my boyfriend and I have been fighting and it got to the point where he grabbed me. He told me I make it ALL ABOUT HIM ( haven't a clue what that means) and that I am in his face the whole time. Another thing is his mom. She is so overpowering ( nosy , snooping around) That I couldn't buy my bf a card without him having to hide it / throw it out. I forgot to say we are in a secret relationship for the past year. I try to cuddle him but he pushes me away saying he is not a cuddly toy to be cuddling. That I pressurize him into changing himself and that he won't change. I told him I am moving out and he just ignores me telling me that 1:I NEED TO GROW UP BECAUSE I am acting childish.
2: I AM LOOKING FOR ATTENTION AND HE IS NOT GIVNG ME THAT.
3: I AM MAKING A MISTAKE BY MOVING OUT
4: WHAT IS TH. POINT IN GOING OUT IF I AM MOVING OUT.
5: I AM SPOILED BECAUSE WHEN I DONT GET WHAT I AM LOOKIN FOR I ACT LIKE A BULL (I am a very emotional person who is trying to express herself. The amount of times I tried to talk to this guy he just ignores me. Makes me stomp around ( like ugghhh I can't get through to him 😠)
6:HE IS NEVER CHANHING.
7:I DISRISPECT HIS FAMILY ( even tho his mom passes remarks , controls me where I am ,)
8:HE doesn't CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ( BUT HE CARES ABOUT ME... YEAH SURE HE DOES)
Honestly I think he is acting childish ignoring me while I am moving out. Why is he doing this? How should I ACT? What should I do about this? It's so frustrating I have been crying for the last 2 nights. Oh and he loses his cool with me.

Updates:
Ok so the story is I am moving out. I let him know that if he wants to give up to go ahead and do so. If he has anything for me then he can come over because it is not big of a deal.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am slightly confused here. You live with this guy and his family but have been in a secret relationship for the past year?
    How did you come to be living with him & his family?
    He clearly feels suffocated and everything he is doing is telling you exactly who he is as a person.
    He wants but doesn't want you - he is treating you like an option until he finds something else.
    The all about him bit is because he feels you are depending on him to make everything good and he's tired of it.
    You should move out - it might help your relationship grow.

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    • Exactly ! But why is he ignoring me?

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    • It was mostly to do with horses. I used to stay with other people an. They looked through my stuff and then accused me of stealing. It is not true as I come from a family where you would be beaten up for going into private things and stealing one. What should I do about my boyfriend ar the moment?

    • Ok. Leave him be because you are pushing each other away. I know it's annoying and upsetting but the more you try and talk to him, the more he is going to pull away. You need some breathing space. Stop constantly talking about your relationship and discuss other things. When the dust has settled between you, ask calmly if you can talk about things between. If he says yes, then speak your mind. If he says no, then leave it.

What Guys Said 4

  • In my gut, I know you can do better then this guy. I believe that the things people churp out to the people in their lives are reflections of their inner self. This list of his perceptions, are probably not so much based on your behavior, but his own insecurities. I could be wrong of course, this is only a paragraph. But I would say move on and be thankful you dodged a bullet, not everyone gets so lucky!

    So many issues, do you really want to work through all of them? I know from personal experience it is really tough and both people have to be willing to change, hence #6, seems to be all you need to know...

    Best of luck. This situation is always tough, when it comes to matters of the heart, it is best to find your own answer!

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    • I think for him he needs to see a professional before starting a relationship.

  • That relationship sounds toxic
    neither of you seem ready for a relationship.

    I think you should move out... Both have space
    see how things go from there

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  • So your idea to fix the problem, is to move further away? How does that fix anything?

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    • Because he is a jerk and told me I annoy him. Whenever I am with him in the house he ignores me and when I ask him what us he up to I get told it is none of my business

  • Yeah just break up with him

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What Girls Said 4

  • just leave him he sounds like a crap boyfriend anyway, the reason he doesn't want you to move out is because he can't act like a jerk with you and treat you minimally for his own maximum gain (i. e. managing to keep you as a girlfriend getting sex or whatever without having to do any boyfriend stuff) which is hard to do if you aren't there all the time

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    • Oh he acts like a jer. Big time. One of the reasons I am moving out is that he is saying that I am childish. It will only prove him. And another thing he said 'call me when you grow up'

    • move out and cut off all ties to him, you can do a lot better. the only childish one here is your boyfriend

  • Do you actually want to end the relationship and move out? Then do it, don't threaten it, that is manipulative and immature. If you aren't happy with your bfs behaviour then determine if you accept it or not, but you can't make him change, you can only control your own behaviour and choices.

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    • No I am moving out because after he told me I am I. his face I think t would better idea.

    • Then the relationship is over. Either you stay and work to fix the relationship or you end it and move out. Don't move out and expect him to give a crap about the relationship, that's a really childish move.

  • Sounds to me that you two are far from compatible. I would suggest you move out, end the relationship, and get on with your life without him. He seems very immature, and so do you. Please don't be offended by this, because I mean that you're not yet mature enough to deal with huge amounts of emotional distress. I am not, either, that's why I'm not in a relationship. I can't deal with that shit yet.

    So from a girl to a girl, dump him and move out. He's not a good guy, and he's an asshole, even if you like him.

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  • Move on. You sound young, there are plenty fish in the sea. He sounds like a dick and if he's that big of a mama's boy it's never going to work. Been there, they never stop getting in the business. Best of luck, keep your chin up!

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    • An example. I am into horses and so is he m whenever I have a hangover I don'. Ask him to look after mine I just get on with it ( he won't help me anyway )
      But when he has a hangover and he always asks me to do it but I said no cos he doesn't help me ( give and take ) . He went and asked his mom.

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