Is it okay to look through a bf/gfs phone?

Do you think it's okay to look at someone's phone while there around and not behind their back? And if they overreact are they hiding something?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Not if you are snooping but my boyfriend's phone has no passcode on it and he bought me my iPhone for Christmas and we set one of the finger prints as his thumb. So we can easily get into eachother's phones and all we have to hide are potentially embarrassing selfies. One time I was looking through his phone while sitting beside him to send myself a picture we had just taken and I found a bunch of screen shots of snapchats I'd sent him and a picture of me waking up. I'm always tempted to delete unflattering pictures of me when I'm on his phone but I have a bunch of pictures like that of him too. He's my boyfriend so he thinks every picture of me is cute even when it really isn't! But I guess I'm the same way. I had a friend who would snatch my phone and accuse me of texting people about her and yell at me and she was pretty controlling, eventually she hit me so I got out of that friendship pretty damn fast!! So I mean if you are playing around on their phone right in front of them or you pick it up to check the time of play a game then it's no big deal, but if you are snooping it's not good for the relationship (or friendship) because everyone needs their privacy. If they ovvereact they could be hiding something but it could also just be bad selfies. Because my boyfriend always tries to send them to himself and says "ohh but this one is so cute I could die!" and it's like me sticking out my tongue at my cat with no makeup or something embarrassing so then I kind of freak out and try to grab it back!
    If they have a lock on their phone and try to hide what they are doing on the screen when you walk by that could be a red flag.

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What Guys Said 27

  • Only with permission. If you're snooping through their stuff that is a huge issue especially with phones doing so much these days like banking.

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  • I don't think what your doing is snooping (but I am assuming you are a couple that is pretty serious, as in not a month old or something ridiculous like that) you should be able to look through all his stuff, there is not info like banking or money, that you will stumble onto accidentally, (if you are looking for that, then snooping is not appropriate, of course) that being said if he over reacts, he is hiding something. Bringing me back to my original statement, if you are a very new couple, he is entitled to have some things hidden from you. If you have been dating a "long" time, he should not be hiding anything from you. Except of course finances or other such things that don't need to be explicitly shared.

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  • If they overreact not necessarily...

    He could very well have some old photos of a gf on there that could potentially look as though he is seeing someone. He may just want to protect you and himself from having an unwanted/unnecessary argument.

    The again, there could be something on there that he does not want you to see... best thing just ask?

    If he honestly has some pictures or something of old gf's that irrelevant then he should say... come look... he can likely show you the dates they were taken and if they are all well before you started seeing each other he can then erase them off his phone... no harm no foul!

    We sometimes just forget to erase things once in awhile... totally natural.

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  • If they TE it to you to look at its ok. I understand wanting to do it, I think everyone has had that temptation before.

    But if you feel the need to do it and can't not do it, it's a sign there are bigger issues than just what you may or may not find on their phone.

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  • if it was established before that this is ok, then it´s not a problem. otherwise it´s kind of a sign of a lack of trust... i´d not be too mad though, cause i have nothing to hide anyway.

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  • 1st question: No, it's not okay.
    2nd question: No, they're mad at your disrespect.

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  • Why would you check their phone? to find out something bad? then if you don't trust them why are you with them in the first place?

    If it just happened because the phone was in ur hands its fine, but don't keep it of a habit.

    Their over reaction can be either something's itchy is in their phone, or they got pissed for the fact that you don't trust them to get looking after them (Depends on the situation you checked the phone at and the reaction).

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  • It okay to look through someone phone if it already established that it is ok to do.

    if they overreact then yes, there might be a sign of something that they don't want you to know.

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  • no it is never ok to snoop in someone elses phone. even if they are there. relationships are based on trust

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  • No, its so not right. My ex used to do it and would start fights from all sorts of things that were not fight worthy. Its a huge invasion of their privacy and also a huge mistrust

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  • It's not ok. but typically there only gonna be concerned if there is something they don't want you to see

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  • Not only no but HELL NO! If you don't trust him then talk it out or end it.

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  • sometimes maybe it is. I have seen this in couples that were on the first stages of their relationship and now live happily, married. And someone is suspicious of hiding something then its better to search behind his/her back.

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  • i always had this problem with my ex she always looked through my phone i never had a problem with that it kinda bothered me because i never gave her a reason for her not to trust me i was always faithful in the relationship when i was with her i always left my phone on the table anywhere in my apartment that she can easily grab it and i did it to show her that im not hiding anything but she never saw it like that i think is ok to check the persons phone if u see a different behavior

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  • So there's clearly no trust in this relatiopship if you are trying to look at it when he/she isn't aware of it. something must be up

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  • with permission, yes, it's ok. But snooping through someone else's phone is like is like reading a person's private diary. You shouldn't do it.

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  • If a person feels the need to do that then there is a problem in the relationship.

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  • My first thought is... why would you want to look through their phone? It seems there is a trust issue here? If that is the case, then you have no chance in a relationship.

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  • No it is not BUT, if you don't, how will you find the truth? When you know the truth, you already know what they are hiding. On this earth and in this life, the one thing you can never trust is another human being.

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  • That's called snooping unless you do it with his permission. Yes if he overacts he is hiding something.

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  • NOOOOOOOO. TRUST IS A BIG PART OF A RELATIONSHIP

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  • That's personal interfering..

    Not a good habit...

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  • Yes of course it is. If you're a dam creep

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  • With their permission yes, but if not, NO.

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  • Yep, I love it when she does and realises I was flirting harmlessly with her friends.

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  • NNNOOOOOOPPPPPEEEEEEE!

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  • No, it's not okay. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you surrender every last bit of personal space or privacy to each other. It's not a matter of "if I have nothing to hide, then her snooping shouldn't be a problem"... because that IS the problem.

    I have nothing to hide, so why does my partner need to go through my stuff? And the entire reason someone would want to snoop is insecurity, so why aren't THEY expected to deal with their shit instead of poisoning our relationship with their problems?

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What Girls Said 38

  • Fuck that it's not alright. That's their personal property. Just because you've entered into an exclusive relationship with them doesn't mean you suddenly get free reign over all of their personal possessions.

    I have a friend who is CONSTANTLY trying to snatch my phone from my hand and look through it and I always yank it away from him and tuck it somewhere safe, which leads to him saying "What are you hiding?"

    Absolutely nothing, but just because we're friends doesn't mean you've earned the right to handle my possessions like they're yours without asking first. Same goes with a SO.

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  • I don't really think it's okay as it's their own privacy, But I think if you were to look through/at it, it should be infront of them, it should be fine, because if they have nothing to hide- then by all means some people get really protective over their phone even if there's nothing to hide, but generally if they don't want you to there's a reason, but then again there's no real good way of asking someone to look through their phone without giving off the wrong idea.

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  • With permission it's okay. It means they have nothing to hide or that they're obviously okay with you finding something odd on their phone. The same goes for computers and tablets, of course.

    I don't look at my husband's phone without him knowing/seeing that I'm doing so. He's never given me a reason to snoop behind his back.

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  • Umm I think it depends on your relationship and bond with that person.
    If you are both on the same page him or her going through your phone won't matter because you won't have anything to hide.
    But you both will also be on the same page where it's won't be a big deal if you respond to a text for him or her.
    Personally I love that open communication its important to me & lets me know he doesn't have anything to hide nor do I.
    Living in a world where the new tech is everything...
    Communication has to become stronger.
    It's not wrong if you aren't doing it or anything behind that persons back & you both are allowed to do it (no one sided-ness) if it's because of trust issues then that something that person needs to check at the door prior to a relationship.

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  • I think that it's not very good for you to snoop through your partners phone. You will come off as untrusty and also, you will start to even imagine things, and see suspicious things where there aren't any. Obviously if you are with this persone they let you go through their photos just for fun, it's ok to do it, and I see no reason to go through someone's messages, unless they ask you to read something...

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  • If someone feels the need to do that in front of someone or behind someone's back, there are some trust issues that need to be resolved. It is worse to do it behind their back, but to even ask to do it with them there, I would consider that so insulting.

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  • Well personally I don't think you should have anything that would get you in trouble on your phone anyway. I'll never understand folks that put all their personal stuff on there. But anyway I've never saw anything wrong with going through their phones but like they said situation, your attitude about it, and how often you do it.

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  • I would not look at my bf's phone lol because it is HIS phone and do not want to invade his privacy and but IF he plays with his phone a loooot, ans if he spends more time with his phone than me 😅 then I might ask what he is doing with his phone but i wouldn't look or snoop his phone 🙊
    I wouldn't mind him going through my phone but sometimes my friends texts me their issues or problems asking my advice so i wouldn't want him to read those texts since they are my friends' private msgs.

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  • That is absolutely no-no. you must know a man isn't real until he becomes ur husband. we all have a past some past loves we lost some friends of the opposite sex. he's with u cse he care§ about u. so don't cause unnessary drama by peeking through the mans phone and he shouldn't do it2u either. no1 ownes anybody I believe. trust and some space is important in a relationship. just like to roots of a tree strangulate each other if planted to close same with a relationship tht dies.

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  • I believe that it's perfectly fine to look through a girlfriend's/boyfriend's phone. If there's nothing to hide, there is nothing to worry about.
    I personally believe that if they overreact, they are hiding something. Whenever my boyfriend asks to see my phone, I just had it to him with no fuss and he does the same with me. We're not hiding anything from each other.
    We both trust each other enough to know our Facebook account information and bank account information.

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    • Also to the down voter, I'm sorry you hide something from your partner.

  • No. It's not.
    If you don't trust him, why are you with him?

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  • well.. i don't think you should try to look in sb personal stuff, even though if he was gf/bf, but in the same time even if you did, it should not be a big deal to your partner, and if they overreact they definitely are hiding STH

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  • I think it’s ridiculous. Checking his phone is a sign of mistrust. If the guy isn’t trustworthy, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with him.

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  • I tld my bf "yea I will look through your phone. if I see anything there id ont like, you will die" he knows. he can look through mine as well. I dont allow cheating or chating sexyally with chicks. NOPE. he will die. and I dont chat up guys. Its called respect.

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  • I don't think it's okay because there should be trust but if I had a bf I'd gladly leave it open and available to him. I need to hide nothing from him, NOTHING!

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  • With permission, yeah. I would never sneak and do it but I would ask to see it IF I wanted to go through it but... I don't have time for all that.

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  • I'm gonna be honest I would totally overreact if someone did this to me. Not because I have anything to hide but because they invaded that space looking for something that doesn't exist. Ask if you have questions. It shows trust issues if you're doing this

    But moral of the story is don't get caught if you're gonna do it

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  • Ask them first... It's a sign of respect for boundaries.

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  • my beau is open with his phone. he usually allows me to see who he is texting and whatnot. but i think it would be best if you ask permission first if you reallllly want to see his phone.

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  • Trust is everything. If you don't trust your SO enough to leave their phone alone. Then you have issues. Everyone deserves privacy. They may have a convo on their phone with a best buddy who's going through some problems that need to be kept on the down low and you have no business looking at that. Doesn't mean he/she is cheating.

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  • ok so this is not okay at all. if your gonna do it do it. make sure that they dont know. if it has p*rno on there phone or something then try and bring it up without it being so obvious. like you shouldn't do it but i would do it if i was sucspicious

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  • IDC if whoever I date goes through my phone.. i gave my ex the lock & everything because i dont have shit to hide, however I have never & will never snoop through a SO phone or their stuff it shows lack of trust or like insecurity issues

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  • Hell no. It is called Trust.

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  • Hell No. Not cool

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  • Snooping around you are bound to find something. Almost everyone does it , its usually when you are suspecting something could be going on. Don't do it. save yourself the headache , ask and talk to him about any insecurities you might be feeling.

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  • Nope, invasion of privacy.

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  • You are only asking for trouble. Don't do it unless you seriously think something is wrong between you and him.

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  • I could care less if he wanted to look!

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  • I don't see the big deal.

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  • I think you shouldbt spy on you bf phone is really shitty to do that.

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