How do I handle grieving while trying to be a good girlfriend?

I'm in a long term relationship (we've been together for two and a half years now) and I've been struggling lately because my brother passed away. He was killed in a car accident and he was my best friend. It's been three weeks since he died and it still feels like someone is standing on my chest all the time.
My boyfriend has been amazing, he was with me when I found out and has been trying really hard to be there in every way he can.
I just don't know how to act around him. When I found out I had to spend two days in the hospital sedated because I was so hysterical. I have a hard time being in a car, and sometimes I'll start crying and hyperventilate until I throw up. I want him to be here but I don't want him to start viewing me as a burden or damaged goods and I feel bad constantly being so emotional around him when I know he needs me too.
I guess I'm looking for some advice or input. Guys, have you been in a similar situation ever? How would you feel about this and would it be enough for you to end things? How do I talk to him about it? I want to tell him that it hurts to breathe and all I want is for him to hold me but I'm terrified that he'll get tired of babysitting me. I know the grief will get better in time but I just have this fear that I'm taking too long to move on.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It takes a long, long time to grieve. I've never lost a close family member (yet) but it's not hard to imagine how emotional I would become. So number one - TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't try to fake normal or cut him out. It's better out than in. If necessary, you could also seek counselling to help. But don't cut him out, as that will just create more problems. Any decent person realizes that grieving takes differing amounts of time per the individual.

    One of my groupmates from my last trip abroad recently was in an indentical situation to you. She lost one of her brothers, who she considered her best friend, in a freak vehicle accident. It's been four months, and she is still grieving. She likely always will, to some degree. But I know from her posts that she finds some comfort in imagining him being with her, and remembering the good times. I know it sounds cheesy and hard, but it seems to be really helping her. Whenever she gets really lost, she will go and visit his memorial or go to a favorite spot they shared. Do a favorite activity.

    But don't run away from your grief - embrace it and let your boyfriend help you. If he's worth his weight in gold, he will be there and will walk through this with you, mess and all.

    Big hugs and my condolences. =(

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • When you decide to be in a relationship, you're deciding to be with this person despite ups and downs that may come. Especially in a long-term relationship like yours, where you have been together for over two years. It would be ridiculous for him to break up with you for this; I wouldn't say you're taking too long to move on, it hasn't even been a month. I think you should talk to him about this, and if you are struggling to cope and don't want him around, I'd recommend seeing a therapist, family member, or friend you can vent to. I hope you feel better emotionally and achieve closure :)

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  • i highly doubt he will think that, if anything he's trying hard to be understanding of your reactions, unless he's been through an identical situation.

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