Do guys fall in love or do they just get attached?

So I just saw a bunch of corny pictures online of guys crying or like getting all excited and sentimental as they watch thier bride walk down the aisle. I can't possibly imagine a guy ever actually caring about a girl in that way. Do guys actually fall in love and want to make that person happy and care about thier well being or do they just get attached in other ways. Like I am head over heals for my boyfriend but not a single piece of me thinks that he or any guy for that fact even knows how to love or care. I Couldn't imagine him giving a single actual fuck about my emotions, opinions, or well being. I've just never actually seen a guy do or say anything that genuinely showed that he gave a fuck. I'm not trying to be an ass hole. I've just never seen it. So I literally can't imagine a guy like saying that he loves someone and actually in his heart wanting them to believe it because he means it. Please no hate responses. I want real talk. Because I'm not trying to be mean and I don't have a complex about any of this. I'm just wondering.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think a large part of the issue is that we live in a culture that shames men for being opening about feeling. Many men do grow up being emotionally detached as a result. Other men and women are to blame for this cultural issue.
    I'm not trying to be rude, but I feel like your post (unintentionally) actually compounds the issue. By telling men that you don't think they could love the way women do, some men will have their feelings swayed. A lot of women have these stances, and it's dehumanising. How does it make you feel when men say women are, I don't know, overly emotional or irrational? Sorry, this was a bit of a tangent and isn't meant to be taken as a jab at the Asker.

    Anyways, back to the point, there are plenty of guys that are capable of feeling the exact same way you do. I'd say there are three categories -
    Men who are detached.
    Men who feel but are ashamed to show it.
    And men who feel and don't really care what other people think.
    The latter being the least common. The former being drawn to casual sex and such.

    I'd say the vast majority of men looking for relationships that are anything more than casual sex are most likely perfectly capable of loving the same way you do.

    Why don't you see guys saying things like I love you? Probably because in public spaces, guys will make fun of guys for saying things like that. For the majority, it's humiliating. It shouldn't be, but that's our culture. I think in private spaces people are more open about that sort of stuff.

    I had a close friend who I really cared about. I cared about her feelings, I cared a lot about her opinions, it was actually mainly those that I was attracted to - she was bright and opinionated. She actually introduced to me to a lot of gender politics which I find intriguing. I cared about her wellbeing, too. Unfortunately this was never reciprocated.

    I fear I might have rambled too much in this post and not really addressed the question. But whatever. I hope this was interesting to somebody.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Don't mean for this to come off as hate.

    I've never been more insulted from anything on this site more than from what you have just posted. Not because of what you said, but because of how sincere you sound while saying them.

    You really believe we don't have decent souls. I'm truly sorry for whatever path in life you had to take for you to come to that conclusion.

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    • I'm really sorry it sounds so fucked up. I didn't mean to offend. It just blows my mind when I see this stuff. Like I just don't believe it at all. I kind of assume it's staged stuff or something.

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    • Every single man that's ever been in my life, father, step father of 17 years, grandparents, and every boyfriend me or my sisters has ever had has been able to simply walk away and never look back. I've never meant a single thing to any man and that kind of sucks. It doesn't get to me a lot, but I guess it skews how I view relationships a great deal. My two older sisters are both married now and I just think it's so fake. I'm just so skeptical. I don't know. I know that normal people don't think like this, but this is what life has conditioned me to feel I guess.

    • I'm really sorry for you. I know it will be hard, but please try to find a way for a man to steal your heart.

      I'd like to fall in love with a woman who cared for me as much as I did her. Easily in the top three things to do before I die.

  • I'm just curious if you think he seriously doesn't give a fuck about your emotions, opinions or well being, why are you head over heels in love with him?

    As far as guys getting emotional we do, we just don't show it as much because society, especially women, view us as less of a man if we do. You know women love confidence and take charge types, of which emotions and crying are seen as the antithesis of that.

    And also, most men only show their emotional side to women the know and love. I believe you when you say he doesn't give a fuck about you, because if he did he would show it to you most of all.

    Sounds like you just don't know that wide a circle of guys, not hating on you just pointing out there are hundreds of millions of us in the US alone, and yes many are more publicly emotional than others.

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    • I know this sounds dumb, but he says that he cares. He just has never done a single thing that has made me feel like he does. I mean on Valentine's day his friend was at his house when I showed up and the three of us watched cops together... Wtf.

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    • I really truly don't. I think he likes my company. But I feel that the reality of actually caring is just something he can't/won't/ doesn't want to do.

    • Well, it seems like you know what he really is, but why do you stay with him?

  • Yes we certainly do (Ofcourse not all, but there are certainly many if not most of us) and i feel sad reading you have been missing out on all this.

    Personally i have thrown away this stupid standard that men should never care and never show emotions. While still doing that among other guys i learned to be very open with girls. And let me assure you once i love you and care about you. i will care about you a lot! The last girl i loved so much and cared about deeply would affect my emotions as i felt for her. If she was genuinely happy and excited it would make me happy as well seeing she was so happy. And when she was hurt or sad i felt sad for her trying to comfort her.

    Our bond grew so strong it truly felt she was like my sister i had known since birth even though in reality we didn't even know each other one year. My love for her was equally big. So big it was capable of surviving anything. She had gotten together with a different guy in the end. That didn't stop my love nor our bond. In fact it allowed me to remain friends without being hurt by any 'Feelings' or lust.

    So yes asker, guys can genuinely love and care. Even if this goes above all chances at having sex or having her as a girlfriend. If you find a guy who truly loves you for who you are that can be the deepest kind of love there is.

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  • I'm going to make a bold claim and say that guys love just as hard as girls, if not harder.

    Mature men (not boys) really love, when they love. And I daresay it's unconditional. Perhaps that's why some guys are so blind to spouses going behind their back?

    But... Judging by your age you're quite likely to still run into a lot of boys (just as I am likely to run into girls instead of women). So that might be why you haven't seen a guy showing such deep emotions

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  • I mean every letter of every word of every space and the entirety of it when I say it. It is not a word to be used out of haste and I have never used it unless I meant it and when I say I love her (my Girlfriend) I absolutely, unconditional love her. And as time goes by, day by day, I feel I'm the luckiest man alive because I get to fall in love with her over and over agian, day after day, time after time.
    I only wish that she could see herself through my eyes, and feel what I feel for her, because I love her and there is nothing in this world that will ever change that. Nothing.

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  • Guys have hearts, too. Some may try to be macho and hide it, but we are just as fragile as you ladies.

    I recently lost a close female online friend due to her bailing on her feelings, but I feel that I genuinely miss her regularly and she has easily been able to stay away without contact and probably doesn't really care. Both genders can feel like the other gender can just shrug off everything.

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  • I can't speak for any other guy other than myself. I'm a dude who tried night stands and such and failed so hard because I'm just more into long and serious relationships. Why? Because I get attached fast and I have loved two women in my life and it's pretty great even though I've been severely f"cked because of it.

    What's curious is that I think my problem is that really care when I'm with someone. I really wish I didn't and I envy the jerks because it seems so much easier to those guys. I wish I could be one, someday...

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  • For me love is attachment, and yes nice guys would get pretty much attached to a girl they love.

    And guys can get attached with a sight of an eye, and fall in love. Only waiting for the approval, else dropping the idea and feeling stupid. :D

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  • Of course men can love. They just usually show it in a completely different way than women do.

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  • "So I just saw a bunch of corny pictures online of guys crying or like getting all excited and sentimental as they watch thier bride walk down the aisle"

    You did just see it if you watched those Videos... do you think all guys are in some sort of giant conspiracy to not be emotional or something?
    We love the same as women but us being Males Express it differently.

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  • Im excited to fall in love with my wife!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Most of the time I think and feel the same way. Then I've been treated crappy by pretty much every guy that's been in my life from the time I can remember so there's that.

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    • Yeah. Same here. Like I read these guys saying they love people and I literally refuse to believe it. Like I just think it's impossible for a guy or man to have any iota of a fuck given towards their girl friend. like at all. I just can't comprehend it.

    • Yea sadly I feel like they're just empty words.

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