What do you think about NOT having 'the talk'?

I have always felt having a talk or a 'define the relationship talk' can often add unnecessary pressure to a relationship and such. I am currently seeing someone who feels the same, we are dating and exclusive, but we just never talked about any of that stuff, it just happened. Does anyone else think not talking about 'us' is a bad idea? My friends all seem to think I should talk to her about it or ask what we are as it has been just over a month now.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends on the couple. Some people just go with the flow and let what happens happen. Other people enjoy being able to talk to their new partner and be open about it. I think you need to decide for yourself (and not be persuaded by your friends) whether you want to clarify your relationship status or not. And at a time when you feel comfortable with it (which could be several months away, and you know, that's perfectly fine).

    Oh, and a tip. If you decide to talk to her about it, rather than ask her, "what are we?", tell her what you want to be first e. g. "I want to call you my girlfriend, can I do that?"

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    • Thanks for the support, but I admit that would rather be intimidating to just out and say what I want, I just always feel like if it doesn't line up just right, someone is going to walk away hurt some...

    • That's not how it works dude. Things don't have to line up just right. A lot of relationships, people like things the other doesn't. What matters is if the other person is OPEN to it

    • I think M_A_X has got it spot on.

What Girls Said 7

  • when my boyfriend and I first started dating we had the exclusivity conversation (saying that we were only interested in dating each other.) Which was fine with me, and after that the rest sort of fell in to place.

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  • I think at some point you need to know where you stand to you can treat the person as such. The talk doesn't have to put pressure on the relationship if you bring it up at the right time. My talk was less then 2 mins and was just confirming we were in a relationship and it was very casual and there was no stress.

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    • Wow that is an ideal talk if there was to be one! and you are right, it is tough to decide how to act towards her, I likely have sent some very mixed signals of really liking her and trying to keep my distance because I am not sure what she wants. The talk just always freak me out because if one party wants even a bit more than the other, than the whole thing can end...

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    • If it helps I didn't give notice. Some people it might work better that way. Nothing to dread I guess.

    • Ya I just feel like that would make it a big deal, plus it has been over a month and we see each other enough that she has to have thought about what she sees us as at some point.

  • It's only pressure if you're not on the same page- but it's a way to gauge what each other's feeling about the relationship.
    For me it's necessary, purely because I like knowing exactly where I stand with someone.

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  • obviously the "us" talk wasn't there cuz we were just dating. but after he confessed his feelings first, things just went into place. we both know what we want and we're not afraid to talk about our feelings :)
    ask her casually.

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  • Have the talk. She's probably also wondering about how you feel. How you see the future. Rather have the talk and find out you're not on the same page now than months from now and someone gets hurt.

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    • But what if what we have is temporary and can't be long term due to me living in another country until this fall? I just feel like the DTR talk makes things more serious then either one of us want to due to the my eventual moving back home.

  • For me id be wanting to have that talk , but every girl is different , I agree with your mates you should talk to her

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  • When you said "the talk" I thought you meant the ones you have with your parents about the birds and the bees. Cuz yeah, I never got that and health class came as a shocker o. O

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    • Oh hahaha no. I never had that either though, just sex ed in school at like 11 or something

    • Hahah yeah same.

What Guys Said 0

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