I recently went on a date with a girl about a month ago, it was nice, she was nice too. But as we got to talking, she revealed she's kind of had a history of casual sex and being with bad boys and players.
I'm not going to lie, this was a huge turn off, romantically anyway. I still thought she was nice but when she said that I instantly crossed her off as romance material and only saw her as a platonic friend.
I didn't out and out say anything because I didn't want to hurt her feelings but, over the next couple of weeks I started going with her on more platonic outings and nothing flirt or romantic. When she confronted me on the subject I had no choice but to tell her the truth.
She uh... she really flipped out. She accused me of judging her harshly, which I can understand but, the truth is I'm NOT obligated to give my romantic attachment to anyone who doesn't fit my standards.
I don't get it, I'm not being a hypocrite here. I've never had casual sex, and I don't have a history of dating "bad girls" either, so how am I in the wrong here? I'm not asking for anything I don't possess myself. And I didn't treat her like a monster, we were still having fun and being very friendly.
Was I in the wrong here? She's hasn't been picking up my calls.
A - I am not a "slut shamer." I never shamed anyone, nor did I ever belittle or insult her. And I don't think I'm better than her, we just hold different ideals and aren't compatible, that's all.
B - After speaking with some members on here, I've come to the realization that everyone is entitled to their standards. Some people are judged for things they COMPLETELY out of their control (height, facial structure), at least this standard is based on a controllable life choice.
Since you like to block people in an attempt to get the last word, I'll set my post here. Which, to be honest, isn't intelligent because it's MY question, so I make the rules.
"Damn are you still on this? Let it go buddy, no need to get uncomfortable over a different opinion. You can have the last word if ya want, but I'll be checking out after this response. No point in butting heads if it's not gonna go nowhere. I can tell an unproductive conversation when I see one."
Most Helpful Girl
It's not wrong to have your standards, but at the same time it's good to keep an open mind.
I've had friends with benefits relationships, and then I changed. People change. At least for me, it was pretty intimidating dating someone that was conservative and never had casual sex himself. I was lucky, that he didn't judged me on that. He saw me as the person he saw in front of him and not for what I did in the past.
Again, it's not wrong to have your standards, but you should have told her sooner. It may have been a platonic date to you but she was thinking it was something more, when you had already made up your mind about her. Standards are fine, leading someone on is wrong.
Depending on how reasonable she is, you may be able to salvage a friendship with her. That's a big maybe. If you get the chance, maybe you can explain it better to her about how it makes you feel uncomfortable. You never know, you might change you're mind. My ex, was clearly shocked and turned off by my history, but after getting to know one another more his feelings changed toward me.2