Is it wrong I don't want to date a black guy?

I'm mixed, my mom is white and dad is black. People are mostly white in the area I live. My mum has dated 2 black men and they both turned out to be total assholes.
For a example, I have never seen my dad but he usuadlly asks to send money every 2 years. I haven't heard a word from him in 3 years, he sent a message todays saying my mum is a bitch and I'm a bastard.

Maybe it's because I've only met black guys that are assholes (and racist idiots, those guys I met at clubs) but I don't want to date them. I have no problem being friend and I fond the attractive but I don't see them dateable.

Should I just get over this and be willing to date black guys or do I have right to feel like this?

Just to clarify, I don't hate black guys or think they are ugly, just that I don't want to date them.


0|0
10|17

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to go with "yes".

    You say you find some black guys attractive.

    You also say that you've had bad experiences, the three you've known best I guess were deadbeats.

    Lets say you're even correct (I'm not saying this!) that more black guys are assholes. I guess if you were going to marry someone off a picture, you'd marry a white guy.

    But you will actually meet and talk to and interact with and have an ability to judge the men you date.

    If a guy is an asshole, if he's an asshole. If he's a good guy, he's a good guy.

    You have the 'right' to feel however you want, but if there's a good guy you find attractive who wants to date you and you'd be compatible with, you're doing both of you a disservice by letting bad experiences in the past make you presume something about him based on his skin.

    0|2
    0|1

What Guys Said 16

  • I think it's natural that you have the impression you do of black men because of your experiences with them (primarily the experience with your father).

    If someone grew up and every time they ate pizza they got a terrible skin rash, EVEN if that was a result of the pizza shop itself and not pizza in general, they'd probably have a bias against pizza right?

    I think you should try and allow yourself to be open to the notion that not all black men are like your father (and the guys you meet in clubs shouldn't be what you base further judgment on).

    it is wrong to lump all people into a category based on a small SMALL sample, but at the same time I can understand why you feel the way you do

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ultimately I can't say I care. There are assholes in every race but if you want to single out black guys specifically that's your choice.
    You choose what your preference is... I doubt anyone here will change your mind.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Yeah you are right it's stupid and generalizing but how can I change the way I feel? Is it possible

    • Show All
    • Well it won't be easy for you... you generally didn't have good guidance growing up, since your dad wasn't around. Also stop going to clubs to find a potential boyfriend... all guys and girls at clubs simply look to hook up. Simple as that.

      There are plenty of ways to see if he'd stick around... like I said befriend them first and see their true nature. If you're in a relationship with them... don't rush into sex, if you wait a couple of months it shows you respect yourself and he'll respect you in turn. Also guys who are typically interested in sex will not let you get too close to them so if he lets you meet his friends/family etc.. then he's letting you in.

      If he doesn't wait for sex... he's not bf material. Sure some guys are good at playing girls so you'll still meet some bad ones but you can lower the amount of those guys.

    • Just to male it clear I don't search for potential boyfriends from clubs. Those guys I met turned out to ne idiots straight away.

      But thanks. I'll try to get over these feelings and be open minded towards all races

  • well those reasons sound wrong. As a preference no. I mean some people only date blondes, some only jews, some only really skinny supermodel types. So how is it wrong to have a preference to not date black people?

    When you say that it is because you think they are racist idiots though... yeah... that seems very generalized and racist to say.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Actually Your not racist as per given details 😘😘
    So I suggest that it's your choice have whoever you want white or from any race😊😊😊😊

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like a stupid generalization... but as a black man I'm use to this type of thinking from random people.

    #inb4racistgagersagreewithher

    oh wait, they've beaten me to already.

    Please carry on.

    www.thekrakenwakes.org/.../...-on-doctor-photo.gif

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes, it is wrong. You can't cast every black man as the same, just like you can't cast every man as the same. Every man is different in their own ways. Some are similar to others (they are men, aren't they), but not completely the same. I'm white, by the way.

    0|0
    0|0
  • We all make our own choices. Granted, if someone was black and refused to date other blacks, one would have to wonder--why despise your own race/culture?

    Given that you're mixed, one doubts that question applies to you. Since no President of the Galaxy has been elected yet, who's to say you must date black guys? Make your own choices.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is nothing wrong in having a personal opinion. Just like you have the right to feel any way you want. There is no law against making decisions about your own life. And most importantly - don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Your not the only one that's feels this way. Many women feel the culture is somewhat to have multiple women and it has now become acceptable to some extent by those men.

    0|1
    1|1
  • There's absolutely nothing wrong with having preferences. don't let other people make you feel bad about what you want.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why do you ask questions you know yhe answer yoo?

    0|0
    0|0
  • people can have any reasons to do anything.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do what you want, you can't force something you don't want.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you had said that you didn't want to date them because you aren't attracted to them physically, that's okay.
    You're saying that you don't want to date them based on personality and probable cultural influences. It's not bad to not want to date guys like that at all and it may be that all the black guys that you happen to know are that way. It's just that there are guys that don't fit that.

    0|1
    0|0
  • it is not wrong to want to date or not date men for whatever reason. You are drawing your opinion from those people that have been in your life. That is what you reference and that is not wrong. Somewhere in the future you will meet a man who sweeps you off of your feet and he may be off-white, tan, chinese, japanese, latino or black. It will be determined by his personality and how he treats you.

    my wife dated black men when she was single, and she said she would never marry a latino. She based her opinion based on those in her life and those she encountered. she wound up marrying me.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Don't judge a book by its cover.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 10

  • If it was because you just didn't find yourself physically attracted to them, I'd say that's not really a issue, since whatever you likes what you likes and we've ll got different taste, but it sounds to me that you are instead making sweeping generalizations about black men based off of your experiences with a very small number of them. Black men are like any other group of people - some of them are ass holes, some of them are wonderful, most of them are somwhere in between.

    I'd say don't write off black men as a group - if you meet a nice black guy that you find attractive, date him!

    As for the ones you meet in clubs - ugh, just don't date dudes you meet in clubs in general... they tend to be skeevy, white, black, brown, whatever.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah I don't date guys from clubs. Those guys yelled ridiculoys things straight away. Didn't even have to date them.

      I get I'm generalizing and can't help it. But at least I'm not saying whole race isn't dateable because I find them ugly. Yeah I've had bad experiences and become prejudiced which might just normal and happens to most people. But is there a way to get rid of these feelings like you say, are unfair?

    • While you can't really control your feelings necessarily, you can overcome prejudice largely by being aware of it. The human brain prefers short cuts in order to make the billions of things it encounters every day make sense. Prejudice and bias are an example of one of these short cuts that our brains use to simplify the world. While allowing our brains to use the shortcut "all cars hurt when they hit you" instead of having to analyze the potential for pain with every car we see makes sense, allowing our brain to use this type of shortcut when it comes to human beings is not OK, because it will cause us to be wrong just as often or even more often than we are right. So you need to train your brain to stop using that shortcut. You can do that by, first, being aware of the prejudice that you hold. Second, you need to consciously and deliberately correct that bias when it surfaces.

  • I understand your position, but I think it's more of a cultural thing than a racial one. In the US, it seems that many black men will just leave women flat after they knock them up. But most of the European-raised men I've met, including the black guys, were very kind and decent. Or maybe try dating exclusively college majors, they tend to be pretty civilised too regardless of race. It's a matter of upbringing.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think it's stupid not to want to just because of that.
    Being an asshole isn't race specific.
    I'm not going to say it's wrong nor am I going to say you should give them a chance.
    Date who you want. Doesn't affect me any.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's just your preference, my dad was really upset when he found out that I haven't been really dating inside of my race so I kinda get where your coming from. But I personally don't exclude black men out of my radar even though I prefer another race but whatever floats your boat.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nah you shouldn't judge other black guys on your mums sad experiance but you should look further to find if you want to date a black guy my brothersare black but are adorable when their with girls they like

    1|0
    0|0
  • You just have higher standards.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you don't want to date them, you don't have to. But whether a man is black or white it doesn't matter. A lot of men are assholes, doesn't matter what color they are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Date whoever you like, but not all black guys are the same.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Black guys good in sex

    0|0
    1|0
  • It's not wrong, it's just your preference. Everyone has different preferences and you just prefer not to date black men.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...