How often should I pay/let him pay?

I've been dating my boyfriend for just about a month and a half. I've never liked the idea of the guy always paying, because it feels very outdated to me as well as unfair. I always let a guy pay on the first date if he is the one who asked me out. After that, I'll generally try to pay. Well, with him, he's been quicker than me a few times and I've just let it slide, and then resolved to make sure I pay next time. So, I've paid a few times when we've been out but I am certain he has paid more than I had both in terms of frequency and total amount spent in the time we've been dating.

When we talked about the subject the other night, I explained that I don't think it's fair to a guy to always feel like he has to pay, but that I've got limited dating experience and I'm not really sure what the best way to go about it is, so I generally will try to pay every other time. He said that as far as he is concerned, if the activity (dinner, movie, etc) was HIS idea, HE should pay.

I think that's fair, except that I'm generally super easy about what we do and don't tend to make the suggestions. He's great for coming up with ideas and does so more than I do.

So here's my question - how concerned should I really be with keeping things as equal as possible? Or should I just sort of keep doing what I'm doing and if it evens out, it evens out, if not, no big deal?

Updates:
On a related note: GUYS - does a woman paying make you feel emasculated at all? If so, how come?

I've had guys in the past tell me that it is emasculating. It doesn't seem to bother my boyfriend, he just sorta smiles about it and says "you don't have to pay" and always says thank you when I do pay..

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Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all let me say how I wish there were more women like you!!! I generally find it like pulling teeth to find a woman who is willing to pay for anything ever!

    Anyway, I would say just try to keep it equal if one person is paying a lot more than the other and not just because the first is in an economic crisis, then start paying more/less.

    Also be careful of guys with macho attitudes like "My idea I must pay." Especially if it is almost always his idea, because these guys tend to be very impulsive with money. Not all but many, they see not paying as a sign of weakness, not just with women but friends co-workers anyone, so they tend to blow a lot of money making a big unnecessary show of what they think is dominance paying for dinners, throwing parties, gifts, buying lots of things to outdo the "Joneses", and then all of a sudden, "Where did all the money go? We need to tighten our belts and not spend so much!"

    I know a lot of guys like that, including my dad, not 100% but it is common so just be careful.

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    • Great advice, and I totally agree!!

      Thankfully, this guy is really not like that. He's quite responsible with his money. Owns his own home, pays his bills, has RRSP's...

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    • No, no.. I'm a lucky gal :) He's a really, really great guy!

What Guys Said 1

  • According to "dating experts" you should pay every 4th date.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Don't be too concerned. Keeping score leads to nothing but problems, even when you're doing it with good intentions. It will even out in its own way in its own time. Sometimes months will go by where my fiance pays for almost everything and sometimes I'm paying for more. We don't keep score and just try to be fair and honest about what we can/can't afford

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  • Every other!

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  • Whatever works out to equal.

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