How long should a woman make a man wait for sex so he don't feel she's a slut but also to not be too long to where he'll go elsewhere. ?

I'm dating for the 1st time I've only had 3 real relationships all which I knew them a long time b4 we became a item one was my husband of 13 years the other to was 6 years and 1 yr so now this guy I met on line and don't want to give it up to quick my last relationship was supposed to be a one night stand so I didn't care but now I'm dating to have a relationship but I haven't had sex in almost 3 months so I'm really wanting to but don't want him to think of me as a slut. Girls always say"i don't usually do this" n men no is bs but in my case its true unless I want a 1 night stand or a rebound


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Rather than trying to manipulate the guy in your life, why not try treating him as an equal. Guys understand women like sex (and if he doesn't, *you don't want to be with him anyway*) and it's not like you're a 15-year old girl. You're an adult, it's the 21st century, you've had sex before, you want to again, and you'll continue to want to. Be honest about it. If a guy dumps you because he thinks you're a slut... you don't need that guy in your life :p because you won't be getting good sex.

    Speaking as a guy who likes sex, I have to say the idea of dumping a girl because she has sex with me too quickly just doesn't make sense. Why the hell would I want to get rid of someone who is attracted to me and who enjoys sex? It'd be like shooting myself in the foot. Except somewhere more sensitive. I think the whole "slut" thing is kind of crazy. (so I recommend dating feminists ;) )

    Now, if you don't want to have had sex with a guy and then break up with him, then waiting until the relationship is fairly stable makes sense.

    Bonus points if you run the guy past your friends to get 2nd opinions if he's worth dating :) Good luck, play safe.

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    • He can't dump me if we aren't together and I was honest with him but no man wants a girl that just Spreads her legs the first time they meet we haven't even went on a date only talking on a dating site for about a month on and off so I'm not worried about him dumping me just have a little dignity and want him to have respect for me only sluts fuck on the firs time MEETING not first date cause first date u could have known each other a while just never dated

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    • That's the thing I don't know enough about him only text message contains n not very deep ones either so all I have is a physical attraction right now nothing more I want to like his personality hang out a few times other then making out were going to a movie tomorrow night n lay night was the first we met or tasked on the phone he seems very serious like not much of a sense of humor so I Dono if I like that but I was only there about a half hour n he stayed kissing me on the couch them grinding n that's when I laid it out he was not getting in my pants yet I just want to make sure I like him to where I would want a relationshipcause if not I don't want to give myself to him the next man I have sec with will be my man

    • Well, it sounds like you're doing fine so far :) Waiting until you get to know him well enough to think he'll respect your feelings and want to make sure you're happy in bed too - good ideas. Waiting to make sure he's fun enough that you want to wake up next to him? Also a plus ;-) Unless you're into one night stands... and for me, even then I'd want to wake up next to them and smile, you know? I suppose you'll be patient a while and get some more face-to-face dates in?

What Guys Said 7

  • Your 36 unless you lied about your age. Sex was a mystery to me 13 months ago when my divorce was final (something I did not want). I was with my ex wife for 25 years since I was 20. I only had drunken sex 1 time before meeting her.
    I dated from Mid-March to the beginning of June. I realized it was WAY too soon and stopped. went on 6 dates in August. Then waiting until This Past January when was finally ready to date for me and no other reason.
    ...
    Sex is considered "on the table" from the 3rd date on. Of the 4 women I have had sex with 3 were on the 3rd date. The other was 1st date but we actually never went on the date. after 5 days of very intense texting/talking she asked me to come to her house for sex. And it was a really awesome night.
    ...
    Your not a teenager any longer. Your past the bullshit stage of "guys thinking your a slut". Your an adult now. the rules are very different. Of course it depends on the guy. That is why you have dates and you need to trust your gut. It doesn't have to be on the 3rd date... all i am saying is that it is understood that sex is an option starting with the 3rd date. I am going on a 3rd date later today. it will be our 3rd. If we had a house to go to we would be having sex. SHE brought this up, not me. In fact, my rule since i decided to date is I never bring up sex until the woman does. this way she knows I am with her because I want to date her, not just for sex. There will be plenty of time for sex once it happens. Online dating is horrible for women. my sister, and all the women I have dated confirmed this...75% of the emails you receive are guys looking just for sex, guys half your age or worse, guys that are the wrong color for you, married, etc.. But there are gentlemen like me out there. Coming out of my divorce I thought I would never have sex again. I was 46, never had a girlfriend, hair thining, not fat but not thin, don't really have money but have a decent job. It has been a big ego and confidence boost.

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  • Any guy with options will quickly lose interest the longer you withhold sex. It can come across as you using sex as a bargaining chip rather than the mutually enjoyable act that it is.

    If any girl told me "you are not getting any" I would send her on her way. There are enough girls who are not uptight about sex and again it comes across that you feel having sex is a gift you are giving him which it is not.

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    • It is a gift so some guy I just met that day should be able to have the pleasure of getting inside me just cause he took the time to what? meet me?

    • Oh and by the way those girls are called whores

    • No, it is not something you should just do with anyone. Its still not a gift though, its a mutual enjoyable act. Neither of you is giving a gift, rather sharing a moment together.

      You are buying into this idea that there is a little square that society has drawn out which contains a list of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors and anyone who thinks for themselves and steps outside that box is wrong and should be chastised.

      You are also attempted to label people who have a different way of living than you with what has come to be a derogatory term. Your little bubble would explode if you even had the slightest glimpse into my world.

  • Three or four dates should be fine.

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    • He tried hard the 1st time we met n add he started making out heavy I told him he ain't getting it so he mind as well not tease himself but he didn't want to stop most Likley thinking I would give in cause no man likes blue balls but if I were to have gave in he would have no respect for me or want to get in a relationship he thought I'm worried that if it wasn't good that we wouldn't want a relationship but I'm more thinking that if we have sec then aren't comptable then I have it up for nothing so I told him I want a relationship not a both call if I wanted that I could go anywhere so until we're in one he's gonna wait and in the mean time were learning about each other in dating for a outcome of a real relationship

    • Well, that's good. I wish you the best of luck.

  • 3-4 dates I guess.

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  • First u should have sex with him when your ready and i think 3 to 6 months is good wait till u have sex.

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    • Ya maybe if I were 17 and a virgin but I'm36 so I think that's way to long I was thinking more along 3-6 dates lol thanks for the Fed back tho

  • nothing wrong with being a slut. most men fit the definition of being one, so why are females hated on when they are one?

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  • Typically? The third date. That's the rule of thumb. Otherwise, as long as you feel you need

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What Girls Said 1

  • Let me stop you here. Really, if you want to have sex with someone, you have to love him/her. And if you really love him/her, then you'll respect whether he/she's ready or not. You should respect that if he/she's not ready- he/she's not ready. If you really love him/her then you'll wait for him/her.

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