To stay or go?

Here's the scenario...we have been together for four years...this past year has been long distance as she is in another city....she left for a better job and it is/was a good move for her. Our original plan was for me to stay here for another year and then join her there (financial obligations on my part)...it's a possible but not definite chance that I will get a job there and it has me concerned. Right now I have a pretty lucrative position and really hate to give it up.

I'm feeling torn between wanting to be with her and wanting to have my cushy job...thinking this way makes me wonder if I really want to be with her. The thought of not being with her hurts....and I know that if I change my mind it will hurt her deeply....and may lead to us parting ways. Am I being a schmuck here with the decision to stay or go?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Is there any way to see each other while maintaining the status quo? How difficult is it to see her now? You could maintain the long distance relationship. It sounds like you have a good job; one that you don't just want to just throw away. What's her job like? Is it stable? Couldn't she get a better job where you're at? Does she make much money? If you moved there to be with her, and committed to her, could you live off of her salary if you couldn't get a job right away? Would she want to? I think the only way to resolve this, if you two are committed to each other, is to go where the best employment opportunities are, for both of you!

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    • Some valid questions. And your last one kind of leads to an issue with me. She wants to stay where she is. I suggested both of us going elsewhere but she's not entertaining that at all. She's ok with us on her salary. I'm not. I don't want to be taken care of. I guess that I kind of feel like I'm making all the sacrifices here. Which then makes me question her level of commitment.

    • I can see your point. I wouldn't want to be kept, either. Think of it this way, she offered to do that, so that means she definitely wants you in her life. If she is firm about not moving away from her job, I would try to get a job there, while continuing in your present job, and the long-distance relationship. Don't force a showdown, unless you're sure want to risk losing her!

What Girls Said 2

  • Try to see what kinds of jobs you can get out there first-before you decide about anything

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    • As I said. There are possibilities but nothing definite

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    • Huh? Then why are you commenting? If I wanted to figure it out for myself, I wouldn't have asked the question.

    • But no what we say, you're still going to decide on that very question. If she means that much to you-you can make things still work out even if you don't live in the same city. This question is already answered, if you want to make your relationship work and keep your job-you can make it happen. It's all up to you-no one else

  • Jobs come and go you get hired then you get fired but if you guys are in love then it'll be forever. You could easily get a good job where she's at. Go be with her.

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    • Ahhh the naivety of youth. Good 6 figure jobs do not just come and go:). And with a 50% divorce rate there's only half a chance it will be forever. Nice to believe but reality can change things drastically.

What Guys Said 2

  • Love is not a job. . . this fact is pretty obvious.

    So which is more attractive to you? I understand that some people are more business oriented than others, but everyone wants love. You have to decide if this woman is worth the risk of no job for awhile. If you end up not getting a job, would being there with her be worth it? Some of the poorest people are the happiest. Don't give up love because you are afraid to make a move. It's understandable that you afraid. . . but when you face your fears regardless of that fear you have. . . that's courage. Don't be scared. . . just run to her.

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  • Ask her if she wants to leave her job and move in closer with you,and try find work closer,it works both ways,and depending on her response. You will have your answer

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