I feel like my life circumstance is holding me back from finding love. What can I do about this?

I'm 29. I spent several years in the military, but never did much dating during that time due to the nature of the lifestyle. I got out and decided to go back to school to earn my bachelor's which is where I am now.

I’m a bit on the shy side, which can make attracting women a challenge for sure, but I do have some limited dating experience. Other than that, that’s about it in the romance department.

All my friends are now married, and most of their other friends are too. I'm a decade older than most everyone at school. College girls really aren't looking for someone significantly older, and it's apparent that we're at different stages in life.

I don't have many opportunities to meet single women my age. Tried online dating, but never got a date doing that. It's kind of a confidence killer if you're an average guy on there. (Physically, I'm 5'10, 145 lbs if you're wondering.)

I feel like my life is holding me back from having a love life. I have an apartment, but I'm still in school and have yet to start a career. I feel like that alone is a huge turnoff to women my age. They're looking for stability at this point. Lack of relationship experience isn't working in my favor either. Most women see that as a big red flag to steer clear.

I’m not a virgin, but it’s not unusual to go years without sex. I can count the times I’ve had sex on one hand (and it wouldn’t even take all five fingers). It’s not for lack of interest. I’d say my sex drive is pretty high actually. It’s like I’m not allowed to express my sexuality or my romantic side for the reasons I’ve already mentioned.

I'm looking for a relationship. Something eventually leading to marriage and a family.

I don’t really know what to do about this. It’s a catch-22. I feel like my only option is to give it time until my life catches up to a point where I am considered stable and “dateable”. But doing so means slipping further into adulthood with minimal romantic experience making me undesirable.


Most Helpful Guy

  • That sounds like a pretty difficult situation, but I can see one chance for you : Lots of people in college are around my age and prefer to date other college students their age or people they have classes with. Many of them work one or even two jobs and some of these have managed to start a more or less serious with a co-worker at their workplace. So, if possible, pick up a job where you're likely to work with women your age : This would give you more financial stability and is going to look good on your resume. I know, going to college and having a job at the same time isn't easy, but it's worth trying in your situation. Besides, many people get to know their significant other via their circle of friends, but your friends are all married as you've said :/ And to be honest, your chances to score with women you meet on online dating sites are very limited if you're "only" average. You've said little romantic experience makes you undesirable? Not true, man, how are the women you'll date supposed to know that? (They could only sense that, but to prevent that just watch YouTube videos and read article on how women think or what they want respectively. Please don't just wait for something to happen, dating is like advertising for yourself, therefore you need to put yourself out there to get noticed by your target group which is the opposite sex. I'd really give the idea to pick up an additional job a shot.

    I wish you lots of luck, do not give up on yourself !!!


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What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think your life is that bad at all. Actually it sounds pretty awesome to me! If I was in your area, I would definitely date you.

    I'm a bit younger than you, I'm 26 but I love older guys! I want so badly to find someone, and I am finding it harder and harder as time goes by. It's not for my lack of trying either!

    Guys just seem to lose interest in me :( I know how frustrating online dating can be.

    I think you are perfectly dateable. You sound like you have goals, and that is a really good quality to have!

  • If you go on campus with a graduate school then maybe, but there's plenty of single women. But I agree with you on the women want stability


What Guys Said 2

  • Have to ask what's your state of mind is like right now?

    You sound depressed or just have low self esteem. Obviously, that doesn't help.

  • times like this I hate how I was dealt with being the provider being a guy although I don't mind at all being the protector though