Tricks to stop obsessing over a guy?

Thing is, I'm usually a pretty confident person, I always managed to stay independent in my relationships, I've never let a guy mistreat me or anything.

I was in a relationship for 2 years and it ended a few months ago, and then I met this new guy and I kind of liked him. We started dating, we've been dating for over a month now.

Two days ago, he started to be a bit distant. And the weirdest thing happened to me, I started to get obsessed. It never happened to me before, I feel like I'm locked in a cage and I can't get out. I keep on checking my phone, analyzing his messages, waiting for him to call, wondering why he hasn't answered...

Do you have any tips to snap out of it? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't even like him THAT much, and I was really in control of the situation until now.

Did this happen to you? What did you do? :S Thanks


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was in a similar situation a long time ago, and here's what I did.

    Turned my phone off. And didn't turn it on for one evening.
    No internet for the same amount of time. That way I'd keep myself from checking his MySpace all the time (Myspace was the sh** back then lol).
    Cooked myself something good to eat and baked brownies with caramel and walnuts.
    Gave myself a facial and hair mask, closed my eyes for 15 minutes to chill out. Then gave myself a makeover.
    Grabbed a soft blanket and curled up on the couch with a movie I like.
    If the movie didn't work, I'd grab a good book.
    If all else failed and nothing would calm me down, I'd call my best friend (or any friend who could make it) and we'd drink a glass of wine (if you don't drink, make yourself a good, non-alcoholic cocktail).

    Based on my own experience with this situation, I'm gonna take a guess and say that maybe you're a bit traumatized with the end of the relationship, especially if you've been together for 2 years. That isn't nothing, even if you were the one who initiated the breakup. So here comes a guy you kinda like, and you want him to be around because there's the intimacy that you're missing from the relationship you were in, even if the rest of it wasn't that great. That can lead to temporarily obsessive behavior towards the guy you like. You may need confirmation that you're still desirable enough to be in a relationship with, that another guy will fall in love with you, hug you, kiss you (again the intimacy I spoke of before). And if I may suggest, maybe you're not ready for a new guy yet? I could offer more detailed advice if I knew who initiated the break-up, you can always PM me if you want.

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What Guys Said 10

  • O 6 month fear of commitment bracket but thats how I know if its worth it it takes work, hope it works out What was going on before you met him, interesting how you where independent and when he's doing his thing you started obccessing my thing is swimming and groups self improvement , go back to your thing and put all your attention in to it, what's the fear? he's seeing someone else? what if he is what can you do about it apart from dust your self down and walk or get back on the horse, do your thing see if he pays you more attiontion or just ask him out right are you bored is there anything you can work out. I'm in the 3 t

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  • The best way to stop your obsession is find other people to talk to
    don't make your self available for him, unless you don't stop
    this can turn into a serious situation.

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    • Yea :S it's scary... Thanks for the advice

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    • @asker please listen to him. I was in your shoes just a month ago, then I realized he was jerk and should want me more than I wanted him, told him i was done, left him alone and told him I was serious. Well guess who can't stop calling and texting me now because he "misses" me. Guess whos doesn't care and is no longer available? Yup, ME!! some people don't realize what they have until they no longer have it.

    • That's amazing... And also so so common. I'm having this sort of thoughts now. Guess I know what to do ;).

  • It's just anxiety, don't play games... Just keep your self busy, keep your phone on silent even for a while maybe?

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    • Yea I tried that but all I could think about was whether he had texted or not while my phone was off... :P It's a horrible situation.

    • Funny thing is we have all been there at some stage in our life...
      Keep your head clear, and don't act on impulse.. you'll get there eventually

    • Thank you for the advice :)

  • Well, you just lost a relationship so your mind is playing tricks on you and now you see the situation repeating itself. Have more options, go out and distract yourself but try to take it slower with the next person you find.

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  • Think about the bad things about that guy, like what he sucks at or what..

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  • Go out and keep your mind occupied

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  • buy ANOTHER vibrator

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  • lol you weirdo...

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  • Don't stress over it go watch a movie , play a game or talk to someone. Just get it off your mind. If you find yourself in that situation consistently, consider telling him how much interest you have in him,, be open about it and see how he responds.

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  • Douse yourself in kerosene. Find a match. ;)

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What Girls Said 15

  • Easier said than done unless you are rich.

    Get out of jail - go on vacation with no one that will redirect your focus back to him, those memories, those sight/sounds/neighborhood that all rekindle fires of these memories.

    Go places he would never go and meet NEW people that can easily wash those memories out of your hair. A new puppy is the only cure for memories of a long lost dog.

    Begin to see (or invent) the evil side of all those unanswered questions you had about why this he did what, etc. and cut off anyone trying to put halos on all that.

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  • Get out and do things. Find a hobby and get your mind unwrapped around this guy. It really helps.

    I was with a guy for 2 years as well, and as we broke up, having my best friend there to take me out and do things was really what I needed, otherwise I would be sitting at home staring at my phone and contemplating writing him

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  • Is it truly obsessing or is it more of over-thinking the entire situation and where you have found yourself at this moment in reference to your newest relationship?

    Believe it or not, both men and women tend over think many things, so I am not sure that there are good tricks, just occupy yourself with things you enjoy!

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    • Yes exactly, I'm just over-thinking the whole thing. It's exhausting. I don't think he's even worth it honestly but my mind just refuses to obey :P

  • I know this feel too well. It's really difficult not to obsess when you're already at that point. But the best thing to do would probably be to try and occupy yourself with other things such as this website! If I were you I would probably try and make myself scarce as well, so you don't feel like you're putting in way more than he is. If it gets to the point where he just isn't worth it then just break it off.

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    • Yes you're right. I immediately started to be scarce, because of self estime :P. I'm really thinking of breaking it off though. Thank you :)

    • No problem! Good luck!

  • I come out from a rejection, and, to be "soft", I can say that he's been merciless; I thought I was going mad, that I'd commit suicide and other horrible things. I don't know if you like reading, but one day I went to the bookshop to buy something that would help me survive that bad experience and I discovered the "self help" section. I bought a book called "You can heal your life" by Louise Hay. At the beginning I was sceptical but it really helped me a lot. There are literally millions of "self-help" books, so you should choose the one you like the best. I'm discovering other intresting things and I'm improving daily! I got rid of every "obsession" realted to men or to friends in general. I discovered that the key is self love! It has also improved the quality of my life, and now I have better relationships. Don't let anyone treat yourself like that and take care of yourself!!! Hope this can help you!

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  • Tell him you wanna take things slow or take a break and talk to other guys it will get you right snapped out of it because it will remind you guys will still want you even if he leaves I mean you don't have to flirt with them just let them flirt with u then if he's still around after and if comes back being the way he was you'll be alright I mean u were in a two year relationship so you probably think on the inside you don't got it anymore since it's been so long you'll probably say I didn't read but sometimes what u think is one thing and what things really are is another

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  • I feel you. After my recent breakup, I started acting like that too and became really obsessed with the guy. I know this sounds really stupid, but you really need to stop looking at his Facebook, your phone etc. As a matter of fact, delete his phone number (save it somewhere else if you'd like) so you don't have the urge to check your phone or text him. The only way we can stop obsessing over someone or something is by not looking at it and keeping ourselves occupied.

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  • Break up with him and go back to your old life.

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    • I've been wondering if that was the right thing to do at this point. In order to find my sanity back...

    • your sanity is more important than your relationship with any guy. Your first love has to be yourself and your family if you have any.

    • You're totally right, and my sanity has always been my number one priority to me. This is kind of why I started to freak out when I suddenly couldn't place my own well-being first anymore.

  • I had the exact same thing - and to be honest, you can better not let him know about it. He will walk away and leave you a bit broken. The thing I found useful is to go out and spend your time doing something else. I know it's verg hard, but when you are distracted it becomes a bit easier to deal with. Best of luck!

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    • Thank you! That's the main advice I got and it makes perfect sense. I'll try that.

  • you can break the spell. he is judging you as a "bitch." but then he is sh*t. so, say that word 3 times.

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  • Find other people to talk to, that you share even more and better interests with.

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  • Keep busy let him wonder and want u because ure playing hard 2 get

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  • Make yourself not give a damn and know you don't need him. ;)

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  • Completely remove the person from your life and your thoughts, "out of sight out of mind" so delete the person from any social media sites you have them on, do not text or call them, dont look at them, dont look at pictures of them act as though they dont exist and in time it will be like they never did exist, also finding someone new to speak to can help you from keeping your mind off someone and staying busy with friends/family

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    • That's a terrible idea. You are doing it to yourself, he isn't to be blamed.

    • You kidding @CapsFan505? It's a great idea. This guy is playing mind games... he can go F himself... I totally agree that "out of sight out of mind" is a good idea.

    • True he isn't to be blamed entirely but he is kind of playing games. He used to genuinely text me every hour of the day and then he just stopped and only occasionally texts.

  • Who ended your two year relationship? And why?

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    • I ended it because he stopped putting enough effort into it. Do you think it's related? It would kind of make sense...

    • Could be. Perhaps this s the first guy you're really really into? This has happened to me. I had boyfriends that i was into but it wasn't until this one guy that I had the strongest feelings ever for. In other words i was just settling before. Problem was i didn't know howto b myself around the guy i really wanted. Same for you?

    • Well, I'd say no, he's not. The guy I was with before, I loved more than anything in the world. But yes I definitely have a hard time being myself in front of that guy when I spend so much time obsessing over him :P but usually I find it pretty easy to be myself, even when I like the guy.

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